Honesty and Self Awareness

Old 03-14-2008, 02:03 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Progress Not Perfection
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: "Further up and further in!"---C.S. Lewis
Posts: 563
Post Honesty and Self Awareness

Paraphrased from nacronline.com:

Honesty and Self Awareness

"So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be alert and self-controlled" 1 Thessalonians 5:6

The first step toward honesty is to pay attention. In the words of this text, the choices we face are either to "sleep" or to be "alert and self-controlled".

There are days when we would rather 'sleep'. There are days when the emotional numbness of denial seems less painful then the alertness required by recovery. Couldn't we just 'let it ride' for a day? Couldn't we just 'sleep' for a while?

Sometimes people encourage us to 'sleep'. "Why are you still paying attention to that? It was a long time ago!" Or "Why are you still 'holding on' to that? Just forgive and get it behind you." Wouldn't it be great to get this over with quickly and not have to pay attention to it anymore?

There is a rest, a serenity, that comes. But it comes from 'alertness' not from 'sleep'. Peace is not like the 'sleep' in this text. This "sleep" is denial, it is avoidance, it is distraction, it is pretending, it is death. Being alert means that we allow ourselves to see and hear, to use our senses and mind and heart. It means that we pay attention to what is happening inside of us and around us. The text urges us to be alert, to pay attention. Pay attention, it urges, even if life is painful, even if it is not what we want it to be.

Prayer to a Higher Power: example:

Help me to pay attention today!
Help me not to put my feelings to sleep.
I want to be aware of my thoughts and feelings.
I want to be able to experience both the pain and joy of life today.
Help me to pay attention.
Amen.


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This really caught my attention today when I came across it. I have struggled with these ideas and I couldn't have said it any better than this.

There are days when we would rather 'sleep'. There are days when the emotional numbness of denial seems less painful then the alertness required by recovery. Couldn't we just 'let it ride' for a day? Couldn't we just 'sleep' for a while? ****This was me for the two years I spent in relapse...I found the alertness of recovery very painful, thats for sure. The pain of being alert...the consistency that recovery required was all too much for me...so I checked out for 2yrs. I am grateful for it though...because I am working my recovery in earnest for the first time.

Sometimes people encourage us to 'sleep'. "Why are you still paying attention to that? It was a long time ago!" Or "Why are you still 'holding on' to that? Just forgive and get it behind you." Wouldn't it be great to get this over with quickly and not have to pay attention to it anymore?****What more is there to say? I hear this and versions of this communicated to others in the recovery community. Some very "well meaning" individuals in the recovery community have expressed versions of the "just get over it" mentality. I think some of these "well meaning individuals" say these things because they are further along the recovery path, so to speak. But for the newcomer...and those who are starting over and are hungry for recovery...this just isn't realistic...to get over it quickly...forgive and put it behind us...thats not practical advice to give a newcomer....in my opinion. To someone who has been told "just get over it" or the like, I think this meditation is soothing.

I have found that I need to do this...in my own time...paying attention and being alert...each step of the way. It takes what it takes....and it takes time.

There is a rest, a serenity, that comes. But it comes from 'alertness' not from 'sleep'.****IMHO, rest and serenity comes after we have been alert...worked our way through...however we define that...and when we remain alert in our daily lives to make sure we take care of ourselves...for ourselves. One of the ways I define rest is, trusting ourselves to meet our needs...it takes time to get there.

Going back into numbness and denial is a daily struggle for me...it is what lead me into my relapse....it is so appealing, comforting in a self harming kind of way...and so easy for me to drift into.

I don't want that anymore...I want to deal with life on lifes terms...trusting and caring for myself all along the way. I pray that I may stay alert, not obsessing....and reject that self harming 'sleep'...I spent two years 'sleeping' and that was ENOUGH!!!!

Last edited by Growing; 03-14-2008 at 02:07 PM. Reason: eliminating redundency
Growing is offline  
Old 03-15-2008, 07:22 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
GingerM's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Under the Rainbow
Posts: 1,086
Very nice post Growing. If I have ever been guilty of saying "just get over it", I would hope someone here would tap me with a velvet hammer.

I'd like to believe that I am fairly well along in my recovery, but I am still far from "over it". I don't think I ever will be "over it". I hope to continue to improve my means of dealing with it, but to be "recovered"? I don't believe there is such a thing anymore - there is only having more tools.

Those of your starting your recovery, keep at it. The message above about alertness is a learned skill and one that I have to use daily. Sometimes I slip. I forgive myself for those times, and get back with it as soon as I realize what I've done (along with apologizing to whomever I wronged in the process).

Wonderful post Growing!
GingerM is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:14 PM.