marle

That is the amount of time that I have seen my daughter in the last year. Last time was Christmas. If someone had told me 3 years ago when her addiction started that this was what my future would hold, I don't think that I would have wanted to continue. But I am still here so despite the pain there is hope. What does not kill us makes us stronger is true. And although I am going through a painful time right now, I know that I am right where I need to be and it is okay to feel what I am feeling, cry when I need to, be alone when I need to and if I do these things and I am gentle and kind to myself, I will be okay. Hugs, Marle

Impurrfect

((((Marle)))

Your post made me think. I don't know if I even spent 5 hours with my dad in a year when I was using. It had nothing to do with whether I loved him (I do), it was only because getting high was my full-time focus.

I think you are doing great! I hope you continue to take care of YOU, because you're very special to me! You and Casey are always in my prayers!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Done_With_It

******{Marle}}}}

****{I'm sorry....}}}

Your post made me cry.... I'm struggling pretty hard this week. The 'weight' monster has been knocking on my door, and I think my meds (not having them) are messing with me. But when I was using I didn't see my Mom at all either.

I guess I needed to read this..... My hands have been shaking all day long......

I guess I'll just start exercising more.

I've even been avoiding calling my Mom....for some reason....

Hmmm

******{Thanks}}}}

****{Sending you a Huge Mom Hug}}}

Done_With_It

marle

Done, You take care of yourself. I know that weight issues are hard to overcome. I recently gave up smoking and now am finding myself wanting to eat constantly. Other people would just say, that is okay, I will lose the weight later. But you know that us ED people start to freak. I have added extra exercise and was thinking about adding more. I don't think that I will ever be comfortable with extra weight on. I have to be constantly vigilant about not going back to destructive habits even though it has been a long time since I have been obsessed with food. Hugs, Marle

marle

PS Call your mom. She probably needs to hear from you. Hugs, Marle

Done_With_It

Yea, I'm not 'normal' in some ways when it comes to drugs, I didn't like anything but meth, but I tried it and loved it cuz of the weight. It's more about my ED for me.. than anything..
It was my ticket and it tied into my ED, it's why I relapsed so many times....

I know I'm in dangerous territory being off the meds right now. The stress I can handle, everything, the ED has always been my struggle. I'd honestly rather die than gain weight, and it messes with my head more than anything.
It's like gambling, lol.
I really wish I could break the thought of rather not dying than gaining weight but years of therapy, nothing, it's too engrained.....
But your post helped.
I'll go running tonight... I hated not seeing my Mom, hated what I turned into. My ED brain is in high gear right now.....ARghhhh.
Glad you can relate.... Not many can..... I thought I was past this.....

:ghug3

Done_With_It

I will, I'll call her in her morning. I'm too emotional tonight, she'll freak out if I call her tonight. 8 lol...

frankly

(((Hugs Marle)))

I have seen my son Greg once in this last year. Maybe talked to him 5 or 6 times. He is not an addict, just a 21 year old kid that doesn't realize how fast time flies. I hear the hurt Marle and wish I could say something to help ease it, I just don't have the words.

Hugs and Prayers
B

Lobo

(((((Marle)))))
It is okay to feel what you are feeling right now. I always tell myself that too. Sometimes I have to just be the way I have to be for a while. I have found myself not wanting to post much, not wanting to go out much, not wanting to be with friends much. But, I too, told myself it was okay for now. I do think it is where we are supposed to be right now and we have to go with it. I do believe that something comes along to change things when they are suppose to change.

Today when I was taking my shower, I told God that I just needed something to happen today for me, something good, just for me. I needed to be lifted up. Well, today when I got home from work there was a message on my answering service from a Doctors office where I had applied for a job. I already went through the interview and it's been a couple of weeks, so it was kind of put out of my mind. Well, they want me to come in tomorrow and go over some things around the office with me. They are very interested in me and would like me to start soon. WHOO HOO! God heard my need for something to make me feel good again. Sometimes when we are down and out and least expect it, something good will happen and lift our spirits. I am asking for something good for you tonight. Even if it is small, just something to lift your spirits.

Hugs............Lo

outonalimb

Marle,

I too wish I could think of something to say that might take the heartache away for you. Please know that you are in my prayers... And, well..as for the no smoking thing...congratulations for sticking with it. I've quit about 4 times in the past year and each time I gain weight and get discouraged and go right back to it. I gained about 10 lbs during my last attempt and I started back up so now I'm 10 lbs heavier AND smoking and I'm so mad at myself over it. I admire the way you've stuck to it. I know people told me that I was better off with the extra pounds...and I know they are right...but its so discouraging !!

And Ms. Done...my dear...please take good care of yourself. Sending lots of love, prayers and support your way...

marle

frankly, It does hurt but not seeing my daughter has been about my choices too. I know that when I talk recovery with her and challenge her denial about what she is doing that I will get "no contact". I also know that being around her too much is not good for me because I see the progression of her disease. I truly believe that I am in the stage of grief that includes sadness and it is something that I have to get through. I also know that addiction is not the only cause of estrangement from our kids and I am not alone in this. That is comforting. thanks, Marle

marle

Out, It is really a daily struggle to not start smoking again. I have lots of jawbreakers and I just get up and walk around the house when the cravings become really strong. I have read that smoking uses up an extra 200 calories a day, so I try to balance that with an extra half hour of exercise and so far I have only gained 2 lbs. (My husband tells me is it all muscle, lol) Hugs, Marle

marle

Lobo, I have been asking God to give me a sign of hope but it has not happened yet. I do think that spring, warmth and sunshine may help my mood. I always feel a rebirth in the spring and fishing season goes a long way in raising my spirits. Hugs, Marle

Aysha

Marle..You remind me so much of what my grams must have gone through with me.
It pains me to see you hurting. It is like a big smack in the head for me though.
As an addict I never really know and never probably will know the extent of pain I caused my grams.
She is everything to me. You never think it to see me high. But I would literally kill someone very violently and slowly if they ever hurt my grams.
Sorry so graphic but I am that serious.
But yet I was the one that hurt her the most.
It use to tear me up inside and make me get high more knowing what I did to her.
Now I am more aware of it.
And I am doing my very best to amke every moment count with her.
I didnt get that chance with my gramps.
I hope she snaps out of it and relizes what a beautiful mother she is missing out on.
I am sure she loves you Marle.
Well I dont have to say anymore. You know already.

canuhearme

Marle, I'm s sorry you have to go through this. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better.

caileesnana

Love and prayers for you and Megan. I think it's ok to cry, it seems to cleanse my soul. I wish I could take away the hurt.
love,
susan

bookmiser

Marle,

I feel close to you in the fact that both our children are going to do
what they're going to do, regardless of anyone or anything else in their
life. They are making their own decisions and it doesn't matter what we
say,do, or anything else....They are watched over by God. Thank Him
for keeping over them. You and I, we're survivors. No matter what life throws
at us...we're gonna be able to throw it right back now. We are stronger.
That's a good thing, sweetie.
You and your daughter are always in my prayers.

This was a good moment for me. One I will always cherish. Keep your own
sweet memories alive, as I do.
Love ya,
Linda

cmc

((((Marle))))

grateful2b

aw Marle, :ghug3..thinking about you....