I just found out that my husband has been using cocaine
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 9
I just found out that my husband has been using cocaine
I am brand new to this site and have yet to figure it out but I know I need to get this written down. (I posted this in a blog yesterday and was recommended to post it here in a thread.) Hope it's not too long.
Last week I came home from work and my husband was in bed with a fever. I felt so bad for him because he never gets sick...he's almost a genetic freak on how little he gets sick. Anyway, we were up for the next two nights pretty much all night because of his vomiting and being unable to get comfortable. The next night (Friday night) I fell asleep quickly because he wasn't feeling nauseous anymore and wasn't fidgeting. Then about midnight he wakes me telling me that someone was in the house. It was really windy and I thought that was what he heard. However, he had me so convinced that I finally got scared and told me we better check it out. We go downstairs and he turns to me and says, "You know." I was didn't know what he was talking about. He keeps going on about how I knew that someone was in the house. I got mad after 10 minutes of this because I had been fast asleep and how would I have known! So we're laying there and he goes, "Here they come." I still didn't hear anything but I'm scared and shaking by this point. For a couple of hours, we layed there waiting. By this point I'm thinking he's having an allergic reaction to some medicine he took for the flu (Mucinex) or that he snapped from the fever or something. Finally at about 5 in the morning he falls asleep...restfully...but asleep. The next day he seems himself, however, the next night we go through the same thing but this time after a few hours he starts vomiting again. The same thing happened the next two nights but the paranoia turns into the police coming for him and hiding in the house. At this point, I'm not worried anyone's in the house, so i go and check everything 10 times. However, he believes I'm in on the whole "operation". I try to ask him why the hell he thinks the police are coming for him. But he thinks that I'm trying to get something on tape or that they're listening, etc. I almost called for help the night before last because I thought that I needed to take him to the emergency room but he refused to go. Then he started making himself throw up to get something that was stuck in his throat. I dunno... Anyway, yesterday he wasn't himself during the day. He wanted me to ride with me to his job so we went but I dropped him off because I had to run errands. Every few minutes he called me asking where I was and who was in the background or what was that noise and so on. He did this until I picked him up about an hour later and took him home because he said he was tired. Oh, I forgot to mention that he was drinking at least a gallon of gatorade or water a night. I couldn't keep enough gatorade in the house. So after I picked him up from work I dropped him at the house and went to get more drink at the store. When I got home he was telling me that I knew they were here and why wouldn't I tell him the truth. The same conversation we'd been having for the past 4 or 5 nights but it was more intense and more frantic. It took me over 2 hours to get him to tell me why the police would even want to come for him. He said he's been partying. I asked him how he could of been partying when we're together almost all time besides when we're at work. Of course, me asking that made him think it was part of the plan to arrest him. So it took some time before he told me he'd been partying by himself. So, he's a recovering alcoholic as far as I know, so I asked if he'd been drinking. He said no. I asked if he'd done drugs, he said yes. Then he told me speed and coke. I was floored. However, all the weird behavior just came together. I never ever suspected that. I really thought it was medical or his disease (Parkinson's) not drugs. So he got really panicky then. And screamed at me that I knew they were coming for him and how could I do that. I got out of the house and called two very close friends of both of ours (they're pretty much family) to help me. They stayed with him until he was through the paranoia but told me to stay at their house last night. Now, he thinks I've abandoned him and that he wants a divorce and how could I leave without saying I loved him. Last night before I left I tried to talk to him but he was telling everyone he wouldn't talk to me because I was in on it. I don't know anymore. I want him to get help, I want my husband back. But I know he has to do it or he'll just resent me if I make him get help. I don't know what to do. Do I stay and see what he does or do I leave and hope he does the right thing? My parents don't want me here until he's on the right path. I don't want to abandon him but I DO want him to get well and work on getting better. I'm confused. Thanks for reading and letting me vent.
Last week I came home from work and my husband was in bed with a fever. I felt so bad for him because he never gets sick...he's almost a genetic freak on how little he gets sick. Anyway, we were up for the next two nights pretty much all night because of his vomiting and being unable to get comfortable. The next night (Friday night) I fell asleep quickly because he wasn't feeling nauseous anymore and wasn't fidgeting. Then about midnight he wakes me telling me that someone was in the house. It was really windy and I thought that was what he heard. However, he had me so convinced that I finally got scared and told me we better check it out. We go downstairs and he turns to me and says, "You know." I was didn't know what he was talking about. He keeps going on about how I knew that someone was in the house. I got mad after 10 minutes of this because I had been fast asleep and how would I have known! So we're laying there and he goes, "Here they come." I still didn't hear anything but I'm scared and shaking by this point. For a couple of hours, we layed there waiting. By this point I'm thinking he's having an allergic reaction to some medicine he took for the flu (Mucinex) or that he snapped from the fever or something. Finally at about 5 in the morning he falls asleep...restfully...but asleep. The next day he seems himself, however, the next night we go through the same thing but this time after a few hours he starts vomiting again. The same thing happened the next two nights but the paranoia turns into the police coming for him and hiding in the house. At this point, I'm not worried anyone's in the house, so i go and check everything 10 times. However, he believes I'm in on the whole "operation". I try to ask him why the hell he thinks the police are coming for him. But he thinks that I'm trying to get something on tape or that they're listening, etc. I almost called for help the night before last because I thought that I needed to take him to the emergency room but he refused to go. Then he started making himself throw up to get something that was stuck in his throat. I dunno... Anyway, yesterday he wasn't himself during the day. He wanted me to ride with me to his job so we went but I dropped him off because I had to run errands. Every few minutes he called me asking where I was and who was in the background or what was that noise and so on. He did this until I picked him up about an hour later and took him home because he said he was tired. Oh, I forgot to mention that he was drinking at least a gallon of gatorade or water a night. I couldn't keep enough gatorade in the house. So after I picked him up from work I dropped him at the house and went to get more drink at the store. When I got home he was telling me that I knew they were here and why wouldn't I tell him the truth. The same conversation we'd been having for the past 4 or 5 nights but it was more intense and more frantic. It took me over 2 hours to get him to tell me why the police would even want to come for him. He said he's been partying. I asked him how he could of been partying when we're together almost all time besides when we're at work. Of course, me asking that made him think it was part of the plan to arrest him. So it took some time before he told me he'd been partying by himself. So, he's a recovering alcoholic as far as I know, so I asked if he'd been drinking. He said no. I asked if he'd done drugs, he said yes. Then he told me speed and coke. I was floored. However, all the weird behavior just came together. I never ever suspected that. I really thought it was medical or his disease (Parkinson's) not drugs. So he got really panicky then. And screamed at me that I knew they were coming for him and how could I do that. I got out of the house and called two very close friends of both of ours (they're pretty much family) to help me. They stayed with him until he was through the paranoia but told me to stay at their house last night. Now, he thinks I've abandoned him and that he wants a divorce and how could I leave without saying I loved him. Last night before I left I tried to talk to him but he was telling everyone he wouldn't talk to me because I was in on it. I don't know anymore. I want him to get help, I want my husband back. But I know he has to do it or he'll just resent me if I make him get help. I don't know what to do. Do I stay and see what he does or do I leave and hope he does the right thing? My parents don't want me here until he's on the right path. I don't want to abandon him but I DO want him to get well and work on getting better. I'm confused. Thanks for reading and letting me vent.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Welcome to SR!
Cocaine and other types of drugs (like meth) can make a person paranoid.
That being said, it is a waste of effort to try to talk to him when he is in that state...his mind really does believe what he's saying and there's nothing logical about it.
I recommend reading some other posts on this forum....there are some wonderful people here. If he is using drugs, the best thing you can do is take care of YOU and set some boundaries in place. There is nothing you can do to make him stop using...that is something only he can do. I'm a recovering addict and didn't choose recovery until my consequences of using got really bad.
Keep reading and posting....you will find you are not alone in what is going on.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Cocaine and other types of drugs (like meth) can make a person paranoid.
That being said, it is a waste of effort to try to talk to him when he is in that state...his mind really does believe what he's saying and there's nothing logical about it.
I recommend reading some other posts on this forum....there are some wonderful people here. If he is using drugs, the best thing you can do is take care of YOU and set some boundaries in place. There is nothing you can do to make him stop using...that is something only he can do. I'm a recovering addict and didn't choose recovery until my consequences of using got really bad.
Keep reading and posting....you will find you are not alone in what is going on.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
I don't want to abandon him but I DO want him to get well and work on getting better.
My roommate became very similar to those behaviors and he became dangerous.
We were both doing meth, he was doing meth, coke and weed, he thought we were spying on him, etc. I kicked him out eventually, he ended up wanting to hurt me, he still does. Before that he was like my brother.
I would get him out or leave. You can't help him, he has to help himself.
And like Amy says, read around the forum.
I'm sorry you are having to deal with this insanity.
:ghug
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
hello. welcome. I am glad you are here but sorry you had to come here. I am a recovering coke/crack addict and I want to give you a serious warning that if your husband has reached the delusional stage of his addiction there is NOTHING you can do for him but get out of his way. He may choose to get help soon but not if you are there to protect him and help him and take care of him. Addiction just doesn't work that way. We addicts have to fall and fall hard in order to seek help and be serious about our recovery.
I have witnessed some very scarey things when people start to get delusional on drugs. You may not hear those sirens but he truly believes that they are there and that people are out to get him. He may attack you thinking that you are out to get him. He is literally insane when he is using. He is at a point where the dope may make him violent. Stay far away from him when he is high. I would recommend getting out of the house even. Or kicking him out of the house. Do you have kids around? Because you need to protect them.
Those delusions are very serious. Please learn all you can about addiction and don't put any psychotic behavior past your husband. He is not the man you knew - when he is high and even when he is not. Because when he is not high, he is amping up for more dope.
You are in a very dangerous position right now. Take this very seriously. And take care of yourself.
Boundaries. Boundaries. Boundaries. If he tries to hurt you call the cops immediately. Delusional people on drugs have no limits to their behavior.
I have witnessed some very scarey things when people start to get delusional on drugs. You may not hear those sirens but he truly believes that they are there and that people are out to get him. He may attack you thinking that you are out to get him. He is literally insane when he is using. He is at a point where the dope may make him violent. Stay far away from him when he is high. I would recommend getting out of the house even. Or kicking him out of the house. Do you have kids around? Because you need to protect them.
Those delusions are very serious. Please learn all you can about addiction and don't put any psychotic behavior past your husband. He is not the man you knew - when he is high and even when he is not. Because when he is not high, he is amping up for more dope.
You are in a very dangerous position right now. Take this very seriously. And take care of yourself.
Boundaries. Boundaries. Boundaries. If he tries to hurt you call the cops immediately. Delusional people on drugs have no limits to their behavior.
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: NY
Posts: 2,859
I agree with everyone else. I would stay away he is delusional and could become VERY dangerous especially if he believes you are out to get him. There are members here who have gone through this themselves where their husbands became so delusional that they thought someone was in the house and the husband carried knives around the wife had to sleep with her children so if they woke up they wouldnt make a noise cause she was affraid of what her husband would do. He isnt in the frame of mind where you could talk him out of hurting you cause he believes what he is saying. You gotta take care of you and be safe. maybe this will be his wake up call, but hopefully it is your wake up call to get out and stay safe and stay alive. I hope your safe and you listen to us.
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
Taffletips...
Welcome to SR. I'm sorry about the circumstances that bring you here.
My exhusband (exah) was a heroin addict.
One night he became delusional...just like you describe...He was convinced that the neighbor was spying on him...He sat up all night having an imaginary conversation with someone who wasn't even there as I laid in my child's bed with a cell phone in my hand...afraid to try and leave and afraid to stay.
At one point, my exah came into my son's room and forced me out of bed and to the door because he thought the neighbor was hiding in the bushes. My exah was never a violent person but he grabbed me by the arm and forced me to the door and pushed me outside. I was really scared for my safety and the safety of our son.
I honestly didn't know at the time how much danger I was really in. I tricked him into going to the ER the next morning and he was admitted to the psych ward for several days. While he was there, I obtained a restraining order and had the locks changed on our marital home.
I look back now and I shudder to think of the danger my son and I were in. It all seemed so unreal and I was more angry than scared but once the situation blew over I realized that my exah was probably capable of just about anything.
Please don't take this lightly. You CANNOT cure him. You can't 'support' him. He is lost in another world right now and he is capable of things you never thought possible because he isn't himself right now. He just isn't.
Please listen to your parents and stay safe above all else.
I'm really concerned for your safety.
Welcome to SR. I'm sorry about the circumstances that bring you here.
My exhusband (exah) was a heroin addict.
One night he became delusional...just like you describe...He was convinced that the neighbor was spying on him...He sat up all night having an imaginary conversation with someone who wasn't even there as I laid in my child's bed with a cell phone in my hand...afraid to try and leave and afraid to stay.
At one point, my exah came into my son's room and forced me out of bed and to the door because he thought the neighbor was hiding in the bushes. My exah was never a violent person but he grabbed me by the arm and forced me to the door and pushed me outside. I was really scared for my safety and the safety of our son.
I honestly didn't know at the time how much danger I was really in. I tricked him into going to the ER the next morning and he was admitted to the psych ward for several days. While he was there, I obtained a restraining order and had the locks changed on our marital home.
I look back now and I shudder to think of the danger my son and I were in. It all seemed so unreal and I was more angry than scared but once the situation blew over I realized that my exah was probably capable of just about anything.
Please don't take this lightly. You CANNOT cure him. You can't 'support' him. He is lost in another world right now and he is capable of things you never thought possible because he isn't himself right now. He just isn't.
Please listen to your parents and stay safe above all else.
I'm really concerned for your safety.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I am an addict as well. Been there more times than I care to remember.
Like already said. It is an addicts reality and nothing anyone says or does is going to change that until they snap out of it.
People have gotten seriously hurt even killed from delusions like that.
I coulda been on the moon and thought someone was coming.
You need to get yourself safe and do whatever it is you gotta do to defuse this situation before it gets totally out of control. Hard to think it could but it can.
My heart really goes out to you.
Like already said. It is an addicts reality and nothing anyone says or does is going to change that until they snap out of it.
People have gotten seriously hurt even killed from delusions like that.
I coulda been on the moon and thought someone was coming.
You need to get yourself safe and do whatever it is you gotta do to defuse this situation before it gets totally out of control. Hard to think it could but it can.
My heart really goes out to you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 9
thank you!!
I am on my way to my parents... 8 hours away. I just left with a few things but I'm away and that's important. This is hard to do but I don't know how to thank you all for being real with me. I think I knew I needed to get away. I was scared but let myself feel guilty because I know the real him and he would never hurt me. But he scared me so bad the other night, screaming at me that he hated me for setting him up and I knew if I didn't get out then he could hurt me or worse. My whole body was shaking but I got t my car and locked the door and drive off. That did it for me. Thank you all again. I'll write more later.
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
welcome to S.R. i am sorry u had to come but glad you found us. i will say a prayer for you & your husband. do not feel guilty. you did not CAUSE it, you can not CONTROL it & you can not CURE it. your husband has got to hit his bottom & want to help himself. you are doing the right thing, take care of you. hugs,
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 9
I was finally able to sleep last night. Took a while to fall asleep but I ended up sleeping for 9 hours. My husband left me 3 messages about how he knows that he did this to us and that he understands whatever decision I make. Then left two more telling me that he needs a decision now and that I'm not being supportive and how can I not call him and tell him I love him. You know, if I do talk to him it goes from good, where he sounds so understanding of my side of things, to blaming me, where he says that he's dealing with this alone and why would a wife leave a husband to go through this alone, to down right mad where he asks if it would help my decision if all my stuff was out on the sidewalk when I got back home. Every time. I don't want to talk to him and make him worse. I feel that every time he uses me as his excuse to blow up or at least uses me as his verbal punching bag. He doesn't realize what he's doing, does he? He doesn't remember what he put me through the last wee, does he? Or is he conveniently not dealing with it? I'm nervous about going back to get my things because he might blow up. My family wants to go with me to help but I don't want them to be around him when he gets like that.
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Why not call the local police, explain that you want to get your things and that you are afraid of your husband and ask if they will go with you. Better safe than sorry. Take care of yourself. Addicts will use whatever tricks they can to guilt us and make us feel sorry for them so that they can use us. Hugs, Marle
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I agree with Marle....take the police with you. Addicts will try anything and everything to keep hold of their enabler, but most of them will NOT butt heads with the cops.
He's in his own world. When we're using, we are NOT logical or reasonable. It's not that we don't remember things, it's just that we minimize the bad stuff. I still can't believe that I thought the things I was doing was "normal" and no big deal!
Keep taking care of you...you're worth it!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
He's in his own world. When we're using, we are NOT logical or reasonable. It's not that we don't remember things, it's just that we minimize the bad stuff. I still can't believe that I thought the things I was doing was "normal" and no big deal!
Keep taking care of you...you're worth it!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by Taffletips 
You know, if I do talk to him it goes from good, where he sounds so understanding of my side of things, to blaming me, where he says that he's dealing with this alone and why would a wife leave a husband to go through this alone, to down right mad where he asks if it would help my decision if all my stuff was out on the sidewalk when I got back home.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Originally Posted by Taffletips
I was finally able to sleep last night. Took a while to fall asleep but I ended up sleeping for 9 hours. My husband left me 3 messages about how he knows that he did this to us and that he understands whatever decision I make. Then left two more telling me that he needs a decision now and that I'm not being supportive and how can I not call him and tell him I love him. You know, if I do talk to him it goes from good, where he sounds so understanding of my side of things, to blaming me, where he says that he's dealing with this alone and why would a wife leave a husband to go through this alone, to down right mad where he asks if it would help my decision if all my stuff was out on the sidewalk when I got back home. Every time. I don't want to talk to him and make him worse. I feel that every time he uses me as his excuse to blow up or at least uses me as his verbal punching bag. He doesn't realize what he's doing, does he? He doesn't remember what he put me through the last wee, does he? Or is he conveniently not dealing with it? I'm nervous about going back to get my things because he might blow up. My family wants to go with me to help but I don't want them to be around him when he gets like that.
You are not to blame. Dont ever think you are.
Do you see how the addicted mind works?
First your setting him up. Then he is mad cause you didnt call and tell him you love him.
It's so common.
Everyone against us when we are high and nobody cares when we arent.
Thats the mind of an addict.
I agree with marle also. Take the police with you.
Things could get very ugly.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 9
Thank you again. I am moving out on Monday and my dad and brother are coming down to help me move out quickly and probably to make sure I'm ok. I feel bad about my job because I don't feel that I can stay down there even to work out a 2 week or even 1 week notice. I am going to explain to my boss the situation and I'm sure she'll see that I don't have many options at the moment. I have an amazing family who is rallying around me. They are going to help me financially, too, as I've gotten in amazing debt since I've been with my husband, until I am back on my feet. I will get out of it because I work hard. But that is not first on my list. Getting a job or jobs is important and I will do it asap but I have got to go to some meetings and talk to a counselor. I've got so many things to work on internally. Any noise is waking me up right now... I guess I have been on full alert he past couple of weeks. Anyway, I believe removing myself physically and as mentally as I can is the only way for me right now...and probably for him. I have always been good at taking care of people and I've been taking care of him so much. However, looking back it's so obvious. I"ve been sick almost every couple of weeks for a year. I've been struggling with debt that is all in my name and I've been helping someone else instead of myself...at all. Now what I do with all of this that I'm realizing, I don't know. But realizing is feeling sort of freeing. It's also making my stomach hurt.
I will keep you posted. It also helps to write it all down so posting is good for me right now. I am so glad that SR exists. There are no Nar-anon(is that how it's spelt) meetings here but there are Al-anon. I'm going to go to those as soon as I move up here completely.
Wish me luck!
Hugs and Kisses to everyone! I can do this! Right? :\
I will keep you posted. It also helps to write it all down so posting is good for me right now. I am so glad that SR exists. There are no Nar-anon(is that how it's spelt) meetings here but there are Al-anon. I'm going to go to those as soon as I move up here completely.
Wish me luck!
Hugs and Kisses to everyone! I can do this! Right? :\
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Good for you, sweetie. I'm glad you have such a supportive family....the financial part is nice, but it's so much more important that you are surrounded by people who love you.
Please do keep us posted.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Please do keep us posted.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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