Starr

Sitting in the meeting last night with the group of "friends" from the club in which I assist teaching a class. It was our planning meeting. There was smiles and laughter and much talk. And yet I felt so alone. So different. I look around at the faces. Everyone seems to have their lives all to together. No one knows the pain I am feeling right now. I paint the smile on my face and hope no one can look behind my eyes to the tears which linger just beyond. Most of these people in the room know alittle of my life, but most really don't care, they just say get out. (I don't have a job where I can support myself)

I always feel so different from everyone in a group and kind of retreat within myself. I used to go to church and always I felt so different. So odd. I just didn't belong. Is it me or is this a common feeling? At alanon I still have the "different" feeling but at least I feel they understand where I am coming from. Today, I feel alone.

denny57

Are you physically able to get one?

When I'm with happy people now, I realize they don't have their life all wrapped up in neat little packages, but they do have their priorities in line. Life is always going to be throwing me challenges; what is different for me today is I don't choose to have an addict sucking me dry in every way. That is turning my happiness over to someone else and it just doesn't work.

You are not alone.

Bernadette

Hey Starr--
Well, you are different!
You are a unique, special person with your own unique destiny in life. Coping with Alcoholics in your life does make you different - but just remember if you are doing the work on yourself, and really trying to learn about yourself and make the best decisions TODAY for yourself then you are different from many, many people who just are stuck on one-way cruise control (like the alcoholic) and never grow or change.

Coping with alcoholics and alcoholism does not make you "worse" or "better" than any other human being. But it can certainly get you down, wear you out, and sometimes just plum make you feel BAD!! It sux. All we can do is gather OUR courage and move forward one day at a time.

I'm paraphrasing from a Dar Williams song here:
"Peacemakers go to the same place as soldiers / if you wanna find peace you have to find the pain" and MAKE peace with it!! It takes work.

And never ever ever compare your unique and beautiful self with ANY ONE!!
You will only feel one of 2 dispiriting ways: smug (well, I'm not that bad off) or defeated (well, I'll never have all that great stuff in my life...)

Only compare yourself with yourself! Are you REALLY trying to grow and improve (it may be baby steps!! be gentle and forgiving of your self). Are you making an effort today to make good choices for yourself?

The past is gone. You are free in this moment.
Do your best.
Look for the positive! Look for the positive! Look for the positive!
(seriously, for me, sometimes it is as small and pathetic as "well I DID eat an apple today!! That was a good thing to do for myself!!!)

P.S. are you a young person? take it from someone hitting 40 this year- EVERYONE has something at sometime in their life that they are dealing with that is difficult, tragic, messy, imperfect. Everyone.

Big hug to you- I send you a warm smile- you don't sound "different" you sound so down!!!
Hang in there---
B.

Barbara52

Its possible they are putting on their public face to hide their troubles and pain also.

I'm sorry you feel "different." Perhaps you can find some activity, some vounteer work maybe, that can allow you to feel less distant. Perhaps finding a better job could help. Perhaps therapy to deal with your issues, whatever they may be.

hbb

I used (sometimes still do) look around at my friends or others and completely envy their lives/situations. Now i would have to say, unfortunately, there really isn't one relationship other than my parents that I would want. Sad to say, but true.

I know that alone feeling and it can stink, but you know what, being alone isn't the worst thing to me anymore. I would rather be alone than deal with what i dealt with in the past with my xA keep your chin up and it's great your going to meetings.

Like other's have said, i'm sure those happy faces that you see are not that happy below the surface

LaTeeDa

I can really relate to how you feel. When my life was in the dumpster, all I could see was how much better everybody else had it. I was so caught up in my own despair, the rest of the people in the world seemed just peachy. And I was so full of resentment and self-pity, I hated them for having life so "good" when all I had was "bad."

When I started making choices that made my life better, a funny thing happened. I was no longer so caught up in "my tragic story," and I could see and even empathize with others problems. I awakened to the truth that life is not a bowl of cherries--for anyone. Everyone has problems and challenges and obstacles to overcome. The difference is mainly how an individual handles life's challenges.

L

Kindeyes

.......we are never alone......just lonely sometimes. Attitude makes all the difference in the world. AND it is something that each of us has the ability to control.

gentle hugs

really_fed_up

"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person; give him a mask and he will tell you the truth"--Oscar Wilde

Shivaya

I understand about feeling "different" than everyone else. I've felt this pretty much my entire life.....until I did a few things for myself:

1. Sought treatment for the lifelong depression that I suffered from.

2. In doing the above, I have finally come to love myself, faults and all. I am a spiritual person, and I have healthy relationships. Part of this comes from my treatment, and part comes from learning and living and developing as a person.

3. The more I open up to my friends/neighbors/acquaintances, the more I find that everyone has "issues", and just because a person looks happy, has a big smile, you just don't know what happens when that person is home......

I have shared the fact that my husband is an alcoholic (in my opinion) with several friends, who had no idea! These are people that I have known for 2, 5, 10, 20 years!

In doing this, I have had several of my friends announce that they too, are in the same situation.....what?

I am choosing to be real and honest. We all have problems. I do not go around pretending that everything is okay when it's not. This is not to say that I run around crying, but that I am free to open up to my friends and tell them how I really am.

I am an open person, and I am not afraid of being judged for my openness.

Hope this makes sense to you. You are not alone. I know how you feel.

Please take care of yourself, and do something today that brings you joy and a big genuine smile to your face!


Shivaya