TDinATL

Hi Everyone,

I went to my first Al-Anon meeting last night and wanted to share my experience. I've done my best to be honest on all I post here and I'm going to continue that, so here goes.

It sucked.

Not sure what I was expecting but I felt more depressed/bummed-out when I left than when I came in. The topic for the night was "Why do you keep coming if your alcoholic is sober?" and everyone shared on that topic.

I heard stories of people who'd been in the program for 10-years, people who'd been through 3 marriages with alcoholics, people who'd been in the program for 5 years and still held an unbelievable amount of anger and bitterness.

The biggest thing that kept me from starting Al-Anon was that I didn't want to feel like my AW's alcoholism was still dictating what I do in day-to-day life, even though I'm divorcing her. What encouraged me to go was the though of being able to address some things and move on with my life. I was actually kind of scared and the thought of being in the progra 3, 5 or even 10 years.

I'll definitely go back, I'm not going to pass final judgment on the program from just 1 hour of exposure. But I was very hopeful for something positive last night - maybe I was over-expectant.

If anyone has had a similar first experience I'd love to hear about that - but of course any feedback is welcomed.

Thanks,

TD

really_fed_up

Hi TD,

I think what you're experiencing is normal...something new can be intimidating and negative at first. Are there any "beginners" meetings in your area? I, too, felt my Al Anon meeting was so-so, and then someone suggested I go to a meeting for beginners, which I'm going to do next week. Hope this helps. Hang in there!

cmc

Sometimes a first impression is more about me than anything else. My very first meetings were in Naranon and that particular group was not a good meeting. Some of it was 'me' and some of it was about the members of that group.

I already knew enough about recovery to know that what was happening there was not what I wanted. I won't go into details but just about everything that is supposed to be said and/or done in anon meetings was ignored there.

If I had a choice at the time I would have tried a different Naranon meeting at another time, but I kept going for a few weeks and then just stopped going to meetings altogether. I had contact with several people in other programs and they helped me out alot during that time.

A few years later I was introduce to Alanon because that was the meeting held on the premises of my son's rehab. After one visit I felt at home and continued going there for many many years.

Why would it scare you to think of going to a program for an extended period...or forever? The reason I attend meetings is because it helps ME not just with how to cope with another person's problems but to learn how to live BETTER.

I attended two (new) meetings in a row last Sunday and I have to say that I was so deeply impacted by the new friends I met--- that I will definitely go back again.

I find all kinds of people who are long time Anoners....people whose qualifiers are active, sober, have died, moved away etc. They all say the same thing: "I come here for 'me' and I find something here that I can't get anywhere else."

btw...those people who may seem to not benefit after many years are most likely there so that they can learn to make better choices in life. The bitterness and anger you hear are all signs of a need to learn how to let go, forgive and be healthy--- all things addressed in the rooms. Why should I be surprised to find sick people at a hospital...or church...or anywhere else where help is to be found?

When I witness somebody that is struggling I need to remember that just like the alcoholic or the addict, everybody progresses in recovery at their own pace and in their own time. Sometimes that person struggling is me.

Please let us know how things go at your next meeting.

Growing

I hated all 6 of my first alanon meetings...maybe try a different group...something happened after my 6th meeting...now I will be forever grateful for the program.

Just wanted you to know this is common. For me, it was like, I had been sick for so long the (figurative) "medicine" tasted like crap. I spit it out. I rejected it. Somewhere along the line I "felt" its benefits...experimented with the wisdom I heard...tried some suggestions to see if there was anything to it....found the "suggestions" worked. No one was more surprised than me.

I wish you all the best in your recovery journey. I hope you make it to at least 6 meetings. I applaud you for trying alanon.

cautious

I went to about 8 meetings. It was okay, but I started to become concerned that everyone there seemed "stuck" and that Al-Anon had become an identity for them. That didn't fit with my personality, so I have stopped going.

That said, however, I did learn a lot during those meetings, and I still do hang on to many of the concepts discussed.

Bernadette

I can totally relate- my first Al-Anon meeting was a total bummer/ bad fit. I live in a big city and so had the choice to try out many different meetings. Strangely the one that "clicked" was a lunchtime meeting in the Financial District - lots of busy, intense, bright, working codies!! And I'm in the performing arts so it was an illogical fit- but hey - take what works and leave the rest!!! I went for about a year and 1/2. It provided massive relief from years of mental self-torture (RA Father, 1 RA Brother, 2 Active A Brothers). I stopped going for like 6 years. Then when new unbearable alcoholism-related issues came up that I just knew would kick in all my worst old learned behavior I started to go again - had to find another good "fit." Again I went for a year or so and then I let it drop---but I absolutely learned all the techniques that saved my sanity in those rooms, and sometimes there is just nowhere/no one else to turn to...I am so grateful to all the anonymous people who saved my spirit and gave me hope, and to all the people here on SR too- many an unbearable moment is made bearable by reading sage advice offered here over the years...I've only begun posting now...lurked for years...
Atlanta must have lots of choices for "personality" in meetings - good luck finding a good fit---and all the best as you have bravely set yourself free of your unhealthy partner and sail out into uncharted waters!!
B.

Barbara52

I've never gone to an AlAnon meeting. I don't have any plans to. I have found my own route to recovery thru individual therapy sessions as needed, honest self examination, lots of reading. I'm think I'm doing pretty darn good at it too. AlAnon is not for everyone nor is it necessary to begin recovery.