baka525

I am an alcoholic. I have drank daily for five years now. I have made three prior attempts with assistance to stop. I just stopped cold turkey for three days and it was unsuccessful. I have found it so painful to deal with all the loss my alcoholism has caused me and my loved ones that when I am sober and they are finally "happy and relieved yet doubtful" to be around me I cannot deal with the shame and guilt and the letdown I feel so surprisingly when I am alone I continue the same behaviors because I have no other coping mechanisms yet and have yet to try AA because I feel like it would embarass them. I can admit my problem but I need their approval at the same time so it's all a catch 22. I feel as if they want me to just make it go away and as hard as I try I cannot. The more help they are willing to provide the worse I feel because as ridiculous as it sounds I cannot believe this disease has such a hold on me. I know I need to focus more on myself and STEP OUT for a while but I still need them in my life so I feel trapped. I am also such a hermit that reaching out is difficult. Any thoughts? Thanks for letting me cry on your shoulder.

tellus

Oh boy, that b*tch of a catch-22. The only advice I've got for you is to keep at it--a few weeks ago my mother told me how wonderful it is to have her daughter back, that helped me realize it really is worth it. I think, paradoxically, the less we obsess over how we affect others, the more impact our actions have. If that makes sense?

Hang in there.
-Anna

reed

Thats a tuffy and I feel your pain. Not the stuff about your family but being a slave to the booze, its nasty, nasty. Keep trying to quit, one day at a time. Sounds like you need support and your family does not understand the throws and woes of the "ism." I suggest going to an AA meeting. Go to one in another town or something if you are afraid of embarrassing the family. It could change your life. & if you go let them know you need help. Otherwise, stick around here and read up. Get some "ism" lit and educate yourself. You don't have to stay sick...we are here to support you.

Anna

My feelings while trying to stop drinking were similar to yours. And, it prevented me from stopping for a long time.

My family didn't know how to help me and had pretty much given up on me when I was drinking too. They wanted me back, but didn't want or know how to deal with it all. It was extremely lonely. And, you're right, you just need to take a step out of the cycle to be able to move forward. There is no way around the feelings you have to deal with. I kept trying to find some way to avoid feeling those emotions, but inevitably you have to go through it to get to the other side. And, you can.

Don't allow the shame and guilt to rule your life. You deserve a good life and you need to take care of yourself. Make your sobriety your priority.

indigo

Have you got a sympathetic doctor that you can talk to and help you through the withdrawls? Pay attention to you and take care of yourself you are the one who is most important.
hugs indie

warrens

Baka

I have no "sage advice." I do know that your situation is more common than not with addicts who have families.

First, I have not asked my family to "understand." I say "Thank bloody god that you can't!" I have merely asked them to consider that it is a disease and not simply a "character defect." If they can "ACCEPT" that it is a serious, life threatening disease, then they can accept the treatment. If you had s serious blood disease, they might not understand the treatment either. But I think their acceptance would be automatic. Work towards "acceptance," not "understanding."

Perhaps a third party may be of some help here. We are not always the best ones to "educate" our loved ones. There is too much history and emotion wrapped up in it. A Pastor maybe? A relative? Someone who has long term experience in relating to recovering addicts. A long conversation (while you are not there!) with someone like this may open their eyes to what you face. It may be premature to ask them to attend alanon.

Something must "bust" the cycle. It is a spiral that leads to certain really bad stuff. You know that. The step you have taken (coming here) is a great first, courageous step. AA is a good next one. Embarrassed about AA? Would you be ashamed of chemo? I suspect dying from alcohol would cause family embarrassment as well.

Lastly, I suggest that you consider stopping this madness for YOU, not them. I feel strongly that few, if any, can quit for someone else. I've tried, and I can't. to many very complex dynamics are attached. By quitting for YOU, it is simplified dramatically. You have only you to answer to. This is very simplified, but I believe it to be true.

After all, if you quit for YOU, the benefits will be the same. Everything in life will improve.

You own it. It is your life and your success to be had. They cannot fail, only you can. I hope you find some of this helpful.

warrens