katiedid79

Hi, He says he is quiting . He wants me to leave him alone. Says he can do this by himself . He was from what I can tell in withdrawel yesterday. God he was such a cranky nasty person. I went by his job he treid to tell me he had laid 12 rocks , bull crap , I called him on it and the fight started. I can always tell when he is lying becuase he gets really defensive and goes off the deep end. Is this a thing that goes along with the addiction? I would still like for him to go to rehab. He says he dosnt need it. I told him that if he was going threw bad withdrawel why didnt you say somthing to me and maybe I would be a little more understanding . All he wants is for me to leave him alone. So thats what I will do. I am however going to still check on the progress of his job. He needs to get that done. We have to have money. Im also wondering if he is quiting by choice or becasue he dosnt have the money to pay for? I wondering if he wants me to leave him alone becuase I keep catching him in lies. I know I cannot make him tell the truth but at least I know the truth. I geuss I will back off and see what happens....... Thats all I can do. Im trying to be understanding about all of this .Only time will tell..

imallright

I am no doc, but I would definitely say this is related to him not using. I have seen it/experienced it with my AH. When we would go away with the kids and he could not use, it was impossible. As much as I hate the drugs and hate him using, his behavior when he couldn't use was almost as bad. Moody, withdrawn, angry, lazy, short tempered. Almost "lost".

As for checking up on his work... you can encourage, but he is either going to do it or not. You making yourself nuts trying to make him work is not going to make it happen. Please, please help yourself by spending your energy taking care of you. Think about ways to help yourself, support yourself, get help. Be there for him the best way you can, but put yourself first. You are worth it and you can do it!!! Keep coming back here, it helps you to stay strong... believe me.

As you can see by the number of posts I have made, I have not been coming here for long, but I have gotten so much support that it has given me the courage to keep moving and take care of me and my kids. I am amazed at how strong and relieved I feel. Don't get me wrong, I am sure I have many more hills to climb and I still need support to move forward, but the point is I have found a light ahead of me and I am moving forward.

Be tough and take one day at a time. Hugs to you.

katiedid79

Just when I think things are getting better..... Ok got a call from a friend she was dropping one of her kids off at school and siad she seen him go past the shcool. I called him he siad he was up on the mountian getting rocks for work. Which is way the oppisite direction. This is what Im going to do , I cannot keep doing this, I found my self wanting to leave work and bust his butt. I found myself getting all jittery and mad and it just upset my whole day. Im still shaking. After the 40$ that I said he had to spend for gas and cigs for work this week and over the weekend he is not getting any more money weather the job is done or not. He hasnt paid anthing in a long time and I have been supporting us. So maybe once cut off completly he will leave or straiten up I do not care anymore. Im tired of this constant upheaval . Im tired of getting sick to my stomach and feeling out of control of my life. I am going to go by his work and see what is done and by god I better see some rocks there or he will not get the rest of the 40$ period. Hes says Im being controling you dam straight Im taking control of my money back if he thinks that controlling then so be it... He dosnt like it then leave! Im also at some pioint going to file for full custody . My mom said I should do this if not he could pick her up and take off with her and there would be nothing I could do about it. Im starting to get really scared , Ive never been scared of him before . He is acting so crazy.

Bean

I'm sorry to say, but over the years I have learned, "They" cannot quit on their own and you certainly cannot make them. I've been in your shoes, played detective and basically ran myself ragged. You cannot invest your time looking for him and finding his lies. He is going to do it regardless. Take care you!!!!!

caileesnana

:codiepolice

addicts lie, steal, abusue and destroy while they are in their "addiciton". THey are no longer the people we love. They are consumed by their own needs and don't care about anyone else around.

People can and do recover every day, but when they want to, not when we want or demand!

I too would chase, look and listen for any hint of use or recovery, didn't do any good and only helps to destroy me. Let go...there is nothing you can do to make him change!:sorry
prayers,
susan

hello-kitty

Poor Katie. I'm sorry you are going through this. Just remember that you don't have to. When it gets bad enough for you, you can take charge of your own life and stop trying to control him. I pray that day comes for you soon.

Just remember that addicts lie. That's what they do. I used to tell my ex "I see your lips moving, but all I hear is blah blah blah".

Impurrfect

(((Katie)))

I'm a recovering crack addict, and agree with the others...he is going to do what he's going to do. If he really wants to quit, it will become obvious by his ACTIONS, not by what he says.

I discovered, years ago with an alcoholic boyfriend, that when I was snooping and playing detective, I had to be prepared for whatever I found. I wasn't. I was still so much a codie, that it only drove me crazy...he just did what he wanted and I let him.

I hope you are to a point where you put the focus on you and your daughter. I didn't quit using until my consequences got so bad, it wasn't worth getting high any more. When you put all your energy into what you CAN control (and it isn't him, trust me), you and your daughter will be better off.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

devastated

When I read your post, it reminded me of when I was doing the same thing with my son. He is a mason and plasterer and had his own business. He had three houses he was doing on the same block! He had everything in the world going for him and then he relapsed big time!

I found myself going to the job and seeing if he was there, and how much work he had done! Forget it! He was never there and he finally got reported to the Contractor's Board and lost his license!

All I can tell you is when they are not using they are miserable, mean, testy, impossible, hateful, scary, and all of the above! You don't want you or your daughter to be around when they are coming down!

No sense confronting him because he will just lie! That's what they do best!
You can't help him either because only he can decide when enough is enough.

I know what you are feeling because I've had that same upset, jittery feeling so many times.

I've hung in there for about 30 years now. Presently he is in prison again! I just keep praying one day he'll learn.

Take care of yourself and your baby.

Hugs, Devastated