Ann

This was written by new member Worriedfriend98. Please join me in saying welcome.

Worriedfriend writes....

Enlightened

firsttime at forum...that hit the nail on the head...my friend has turned his back on his friends and business partners. He's gotten involve with a "recovering" cocaine addict. In a nut shell she just had a kid 6weeks old (the old boyfriend left her and didnt want the child or her) My friend started dating her and doing lots of coke everyday! he neglected his work and he turned violent towards his best friends and business partners when approached with the problem and he just fell of the face of the earth..quit his job and stopped all communication with his friends.

We later found out that they eloped after 3 months and recently ran into a mutual friend at a local bar stating that they were looking for drugs and while at the bar there was a conversation.... her boasting about how she relapsed while she was pregnant. They acquired a large amount and within a couple hours were in search of more. Our friend was a husky guy 6 months ago and now is described as scrawney looking/ not healthy.

We also are aware that she gets tested for drugs but we dont know how often and if she is found using she could lose custody of her child. They are both compusive liars now and live with no sense of responsibility. we dont know what to do ...if we even can do anything at all.

Is this a lost cause that we are embarking on. They are a mess.

CarolD

Hello and Welcome to SR....

hope213

so glad that you found us. welcome!!! there is nothing you can do. you can not keep her clean & sober. the baby deserves better. she has to hit her bottom before she is ready to get clean. this sounds cruel but maybe if she lost her baby she would clean up. the baby needs to come first at all cost. i will keep her in my prayers, the baby & her boyfriend. it is scary that her b.f. is violent & is around that innocent infant.

caileesnana

Hi and welcome. There are many here who have been through what you are describing. I have and AD, 23, who was the love of my life. Until they want help you can beg, plead, bribe, threaten and all you are doing is wasting your breath!
Read the stickies above. The more I read them the more I understand.

love and prayers,
susan

worriedfriend78

this may sound silly but has any one or does anyone know where i can get some kind of consent to drug testing form? I will be meeting with my addicted friend for the last time and he wants "his Cut" of the money from our joint business that he quit 7 months ago. I of course don't want to give him any cause we all know were it will go towards. And I own most of the biz anyway. I do think its good that he still remembers that part of his life....my idea was that i would sign this agreement to get drug tested 2 to 3 times a week anf also random testing and he also hs to agree and sign and if he fails the test he will not see a cent. FYI i dont care about the money AT ALL but its the only thing left from his past that he still wants ....the money and the biz that we started with another friend for a better life....it may not work but it will give me piece of ming that i tried and it will also (if he fails) give hom no excuse but blame himself for doing drugs when the rules were in black and white..i,e, cant blame me or anyone else for this mistake.

just for today

I don't think what I'm about to say is what you will want to hear....but you asked so here goes.....Your friend has a right to live anyway he chooses, it is not up to you to try and control him, with drug tests, money or whatever....you cannot anyway....this is his addiction and only he can fix it.....do you owe him the money?, if yes give it to him, what he does with it is not your property......if you don't owe it to him, then I suggest that you let him know that also.....the important person is the child, it is innocent and being damaged each day that it is allowed to stay with addicts.....the child has no choice and hard as it sounds, CPS should be notified...bad things happen everyday when babies are in the care of an active addict.......sorry if this is coming across strong, I say these things because we didn't cause, can't control and certainly cannot cure another's addiction.....do some reading on enabling the addict, work on your self to find out why you are trying to control situation that you sadly have no control over.....I hate it, that we cannot help, wish we could for all of us.....all that we can change is ourselves......good luck....welcome to SR, hope you find the answers you are seeking, good people here to help you along the way.....

rahsue

Hi and welcome to SR, possibly the room that will spare you from the insanity of addiction.

Unfortunately there is not much if anything you can do. The addict has to want recovery or it just doesn't work. there's no telling him anything that is logical because the only thing logical to the addict is how to score. When your friend is ready to be clean he will search it out on his own.

You need to take care of yourself during these times. Trying to help an addict who doesn't want your help can wear you down physically and mentally. So step back and wait to see if you even can help when he is ready.

Glad you found us and good luck.

duet_4-8

Hi and welcome! I have to agree with others above, the best thing to do is to step back and let him go. If you really owe him money and he wants it, I don't think you can really control that with a drug test. He will get help when and if he wants to. Focus on yourself and let the chips fall where they may in his life.

sweetpea40

Welcome and God Bless you all.
Machele

worriedfriend78

thanks for the comments. fyi no i don't owe him the $ and I did'nt want to control anyone ...just did'nt know what else to do. Your ALL very heplfull and your all very right ....he needs to want help first. He needs to bottom out. I will just pray he does'nt overdose. Its time for me to breathe and let go...... "Good bye for now buddy I will pray for you and I will be here for you when you ask for help. I will remember you as you were and I hope you find your way....please try!"

worriedfriend78

how do I approach this. Its been a long time and i went through hell and now he wants back into my life?

Ann

Since this thread is a almost a year old, and Worriedfriend began a new thread for this topic, I am closing this thread.

If you click on this link it will take you to her new thread.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ke-amends.html