LITA1978

HELLO EVERYONE. ITS BEEN A WHILE SINCE I POSTED LAST. I STILL READ OFTEN BUT I HAVE BEEN BUSY WITH LIFE IN GENERAL. ANYWAY MY SOON TO BE A EX HUSBAND KEEPS BEGGING FOR ME AND HIM TO NOT GET DIVORCED AND TO WORK THINGS OUT. HE IS TELLING ME THAT HE HAS NOT BEEN HISELF FOR A LONG TIME BECAUSE OF THE DRUGS. HE SAYS HE LOVES ME AND MY DAUGHTER MORE THAN HE DOES HIMSELF AND HE WANTS TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT. HE SAID HE WOULD NEVER HURT ME AGAIN. HE SAID HE DOES NOT EXSPECT ME AND HIM TO BE TOGETHER BUT FOR ME JUST NOT TO DIVORCE HIM RIGHT NOW AND GIVE HIM TIME TO SHOW ME.........

WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO PUT MY LIFE ON HOLD FOR HIM. THAT IS SO UNFAIR TO ME. I TOLD HIM NO MATTER WHAT WE ARE GETTING A DIVORCE. THAT I DONT WANT TO BE WITH HIM ANYMORE AND THAT I AM SICK OF THE STORIES. I AM SICK OF HEARING THE SAME THINGS OVER AND OVER AND OVER. I HAVE HEARD THEM SO MANY TIMES I COULD RESITE THEM AND NOT EVEN MIS A BEAT. I DONT EVEN CRY ABOUT IT ANYMORE. I HAVE TRIED TO BE NICE TO HIM AND TALK TO HIM LIKE A NORMAL PERSON AND JUST BE FRIENDLY BUT THEN HE THINKS MORE INTO IT. I HAVE TOLD HIM A MILLION TIMES ITS OVER BUT HE DOES NOT ACCEPT IT. WHAT DO I DO. I DONT WANT TO BE MEAN CAUSE THAT IS JUST NOT ME. I GUESS IN TIME HE WILL JUST FIGURE IT OUT. UNTIL THEN I WILL KEEP IT CIVIL CAUSE I JUST DO NOT WANT MORE DRAMA AND MORE STRESS ADDED TO THE SITUATION.

THANKS FOR LISTENING.

hello-kitty

I know it's hard. So hang in there. You have moved on towards a better life for you and your daughter. And he is doing exactly what addicts do - trying to manipulate the situation by not accepting responsibility to do the work they need to do to change themselves. He will play many emotional games with you as you get stronger and pull further away from him. Stick with your guns. Keep doing what you are doing. You don't have to be mean. You just have to be firm and refer back to your boundaries.

Keep in your mind that if nothing changes, nothing changes...

BayAreaPhoenix

Lita - I have the same issue - if I try to be nice to my soontobeExAH, he thinks there's more to it, and it just turns into misery all around when I have to point out - again - that I am done, I want out, finito, no more. It's hard, but I too just try to stay civil, and find myself saying as little as possible, I want the drama and stress to stop too.

Good for you for not believing the same old story, again. I have heard the same over and over, and also told my AH why should I believe him this time, when for years he's been saying the exact same thing, and nothing has changed. He finally had no answer.

Good luck to you and hope this is over for you soon!

It is amazing to me, the more time that goes on, the more I read, the more all our situations are so much the same. I wish I had opened up years ago, instead of covering up and making believe to everyone that we had an OK marriage. I felt so different and alone, like no one else would deal with what I have been dealing with or understand. It's nice to not be alone anymore! Thanks guys!:ghug2

katyk

Well, that's not saying much, is it? Since his behavior demonstrates he hates himself!

I find the emotional manipulations the hardest. I'm dealing with the same stuff right now. The sane part of my brain thinks the leaving won't be as hard as all this stuff leading up to a separation.

LITA1978

I Keep Telling Myself That This Is What I Want. What I Want What I Want. Its Not About Him Anymore. I Dont Care If He Does Not Like It. I Dont Care If He Hurts. He Hurt Me And Lied To Me So Many Times. And He Did Not Take Mine Or Her Feelings Into Concideration So I Am Doing What Makes Me Happy And A Divorce Is What Will Make Me Happy. I Want A New Man. I Want Someone That Want Lie Behind My Back. I Am Not Saying That It Will Never Happen And The Grass Is Not Always Greening But My God Something Has To Be Better Than The Life I Have Been Living For The Last Three Years.

hello-kitty

Hi Lita, have faith. It gets WAY BETTER! I'm glad you are following through. Nobody ever really wants divorce but we do deserve to be treated with respect, to be somewhat happy most of the time and our children deserve stability.

Good for you. Keep your eyes straight ahead and don't look back because you can't change him.