rub

Well, since writing my parents, my life has impoved dramatically. Well, maybe not my life, but how I fel about it and how I choose to not let it consume me...

Up until yesterday that is.


Over the past week my mom has been quite sick with strep throat. It was very hard for me not to call her, but I held strong. I passed on my get well soon message through other family and friends who would be talking to her. Yesterday she called to say she was alive, and to try give me a bit of guilt for not calling or offering to help her - which didnt work.

Before long, she made a comment about my brother, and I asked whenhis upcoming court case was.

Bad - I know.

She responded with "why"? Hmmm...cause I want to go and watch him deal with life for the first time in 7 years. Cause I want to know the real stroy behind the fraud charges. Because I want to know what punishment he gets (if he gets anything at all - first offence).

Again, bad - I know.

Mom proceeds to tell me that hes doing well, and after the court case, he will no longer live at home. Now I'm not sure what happened next - either the duck tape fell off my mouth when I grumbled "yeah right" or she could hear me rolling my eyes over the phone.

Either way, the fight broke out. I tried to stop the words, but not hard enough. I said my same old lines - she said the same old - "no this is the last time"

Right. Unlike the 2,885,239,293,829,383 times before that were....

So fine, I made a mistake, and today I fell ok about it. It happens, and I will work harder next time so that it doesnt.

BUT THEN.....

My brother comes by our shop today, and tries to sell my husband some stolen tools etc. Of course my hubby says no. But before he leaves, my brother steals a can of gas.

So, Now I need to know how to deal with this. I dont want to get involved, but he stole from me, and I feel I have to.

So do I file a complaint with the RCMP? Go get the gas can back?
I am just a bit unsure of the best way to handle this, and any help would be appreciated.

Thanks

peaceteach

Tough one. As an outsider, I find it incredibly sad that someone would steal a can of gas. I really don't understand that type of thinking. For a $10 high? What's next? It's just that day-to-day, hour-to-hour thinking (or not really thinking) that frustrates me. What a ridiculous way to live.

I'm grateful that I don't live like that. I'm happy that you don't either. I think it is a shame that you have to even deal with it or be dragged into that type of life. If you take no action, will he keep trying to steal more? If you decide it's fruitless to waste another thought about him for tonight, would that be a better solution and get you back to the serenity you've been enjoying? Maybe letting it go for tonight will help you make the right decision for you in the morning.

Ann

Times like this I try to look at my motive. If I am doing something to try to force the outcome, it usually backfires. If I am doing something to set my boundaries and make myself clear, that's okay if I let go of the outcome.

My thoughts are that I would forget about the gas and just tell him he can no longer come to your place of business because he stole from you and you can't tolerate that.

He won't change until he's ready. Mama won't change until she's ready. But you can change now by just letting go of their struggle and taking good care of yourself.

It's hard to hold back when we see the harm that is done, but in the end we are truly powerless over others.

Hugs

rub

We have told him countless times that he is not welcome at our business. He still comes by once in a while - when he is VERY desperate.

And it really does bother me about the gas. He STOLE the can from our service truck, and we have to replace it. He likely has the can in his truck - he steals gas so he can run drugs and pay for his habit. I've seen him with 5 gas cans in the back several times before.

Although it may not be the right thing to do, I want my gas can back. If he doesnt have it, fine - I will leave it at that. But I have to ask for it back.

I may also see if there is any protective order we can get to prevent him from coming to our shop. My husband would like that, and even better, I will make my husband look into it.

Thanks again all.

Heres to hoping I can get back to the way I felt the past few weeks.

rub

Just to update, when I wen tover tonight, my brother just left with 4 dealers, who came to my parents house demanding money. My Dad paid them off.

My brother returned about 45 minutes later (not 10 like he said) and was high.

I asked for my gas can, he denied it. I looked in the back of his truck, and it wasnt there. I reminded him that he is not welcome at our shop, under any circumstances, and that the next time he comes, we will phone the police. He said he never wanted to see me agin in his life anyway.

Can't ya feel the love?

I didn't raise my voice, I just stated matter of factly what I was going to do. I gave my mom and dad a hug, told them I loved them, and walked away.

It hurts me so much to see them live this way. I sure hope they see the light before it kills all three of them.

Ann

Rub, in Canada you can post a "No Trespassing" order against a specific person and if they come anyway, they can be arrested. Check with your local police department and they can advise you. It costs nothing. and once posted, perhaps advise your local police that you have done so and that you will call for assistance should that person appear.

My prayers continue for you and your family. The further you can distance yourself from your brother and his behaviour and friends, the better off you will all be. As long as he gets what he comes looking for, he will continue to keep coming. Maybe invite your folks to go to a Naranon or Alanon meeting with you and surround yourselves with support during these difficult times.

Hugs