I'm a free woman tonight!!!!
A work in progress....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: FREE!!!! Somewhere in the Tennessee Mountains
Posts: 1,018
I'm a free woman tonight!!!!
Well....
It went very long and very slow....but I am no longer married. Things went my way for the most part; he has to continue counseling and do hair follicle tests every 90 days, and I am allowed to speak with the therapist as is my oldest son. That has to do with the mediated visitation order on our minor child, which still stands. EXAH (WOW IT"S OFFICIAL!!!) has to pay child support on the first day of every month, back child support of 5237.00, 1/2 of the debt (about 8,000.00), 1/2 of the costs for getting the house ready to sell (3000.00), and the judge continued on the contempt motions from last year pending his response to the rulings today. The judge also changed the mediated order re: the mortgage on this house to read that he has to continue to pay 1/2 after June 30 until it sells. In the mediated agreement, I was to take the whole thing then. He was very obviously trying to obstruct the sale of the house. The only thing that I would say went in his favor was the value on his tools, but I could care less about that.
My pastor sat there through the whole thing, bless his heart. We let my middle son be excused from testifying so he could go to class, but my oldest son testified and exah had his attorney ask him some really ugly questions. My son was awesome; I believe he made the difference for his little brother. I was on the stand for probably 3 hours total; every single question that my attorney asked me, exah would talk to his attorney; he was very rude. Some of the stuff he came up with was pretty far out in left field but in the end, I know that the judge knew it because of the way he ruled. And add to that all the documentation that I had, and my "evil lesbain man-hating attorney" :rof exah got very befuddled when she was questioning him; it was really rather sad....in a funny sort of way.....
I'm not really sure what exactly my pastor took away from the whole thing because I didn't talk to him after, but my son did. The pastor heard some of the things that exah was telling his attorney to ask our son so I'm sure he heard the same when I was on the stand. Exah didn't see the pastor when he first came in, but when the judge came in and we had to stand, he saw him and the boys both said that they had never seen a look like that come across their dad's face before. They said it was priceless.
The pastor did catch my eye several times and wink or give me a thumbs up when I was testifying. It was HUGE for me that he was there. I really wasn't even nervous. He went out and talked with my son after he spoke, too, and that was a major comfort to him and to me. The young man was obviously trying very hard to not get emotional, but his voice cracked several times when he was talking about his relationship with his father and some of the things that his father has said to him. I even heard exah tell his attorney to ask our son 'how many times he has called me in the last year', like our son was the villain in the relationship. I was very proud of my boy; he held to his guns even though he was on the verge of tears and told the court exactly why he broke contact with his father and exactly why he was concerned for his little bro.
In a nutshell, I am very pleased with the way it went. And I am VERY glad it's over. Love you guys!!
It went very long and very slow....but I am no longer married. Things went my way for the most part; he has to continue counseling and do hair follicle tests every 90 days, and I am allowed to speak with the therapist as is my oldest son. That has to do with the mediated visitation order on our minor child, which still stands. EXAH (WOW IT"S OFFICIAL!!!) has to pay child support on the first day of every month, back child support of 5237.00, 1/2 of the debt (about 8,000.00), 1/2 of the costs for getting the house ready to sell (3000.00), and the judge continued on the contempt motions from last year pending his response to the rulings today. The judge also changed the mediated order re: the mortgage on this house to read that he has to continue to pay 1/2 after June 30 until it sells. In the mediated agreement, I was to take the whole thing then. He was very obviously trying to obstruct the sale of the house. The only thing that I would say went in his favor was the value on his tools, but I could care less about that.
My pastor sat there through the whole thing, bless his heart. We let my middle son be excused from testifying so he could go to class, but my oldest son testified and exah had his attorney ask him some really ugly questions. My son was awesome; I believe he made the difference for his little brother. I was on the stand for probably 3 hours total; every single question that my attorney asked me, exah would talk to his attorney; he was very rude. Some of the stuff he came up with was pretty far out in left field but in the end, I know that the judge knew it because of the way he ruled. And add to that all the documentation that I had, and my "evil lesbain man-hating attorney" :rof exah got very befuddled when she was questioning him; it was really rather sad....in a funny sort of way.....
I'm not really sure what exactly my pastor took away from the whole thing because I didn't talk to him after, but my son did. The pastor heard some of the things that exah was telling his attorney to ask our son so I'm sure he heard the same when I was on the stand. Exah didn't see the pastor when he first came in, but when the judge came in and we had to stand, he saw him and the boys both said that they had never seen a look like that come across their dad's face before. They said it was priceless.
The pastor did catch my eye several times and wink or give me a thumbs up when I was testifying. It was HUGE for me that he was there. I really wasn't even nervous. He went out and talked with my son after he spoke, too, and that was a major comfort to him and to me. The young man was obviously trying very hard to not get emotional, but his voice cracked several times when he was talking about his relationship with his father and some of the things that his father has said to him. I even heard exah tell his attorney to ask our son 'how many times he has called me in the last year', like our son was the villain in the relationship. I was very proud of my boy; he held to his guns even though he was on the verge of tears and told the court exactly why he broke contact with his father and exactly why he was concerned for his little bro.
In a nutshell, I am very pleased with the way it went. And I am VERY glad it's over. Love you guys!!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I'm so glad it went well and that the judge could spot the truth when he heard it. You and your boys deserve all the goodness life can hand you and today ended up being a blessing for all of you.
I'm proud of you and proud of your boy!! That took courage to hang in through all the time it took.
Hugs :ghug3
I'm proud of you and proud of your boy!! That took courage to hang in through all the time it took.
Hugs :ghug3
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: To the North
Posts: 1,086
Thanks for the update! I'm so relieved it's done and went well for you and your sons! It must have been very difficult for your son, and I'm sorry your EXah, put him through that! But, that was his decision and he will live with the consequences. In the meantimes, thanks so much for your inspiration! Really helps A LOT!
Keeping on rockin' at the C!
Keeping on rockin' at the C!
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
I'm so glad it is over and that things went well, especially regarding your youngest and visitation. I hope you relax tonight and give yourself a couple of days vacation from all the painting and boxing and preping of the houses...Just some gentle Jen time 
Hugs
Hugs
StrivingToThrive
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 425
So happy it went well for you. So sorry your sons had to deal with this, but it seems like you are there for them during all of this so they are lucky.
It so hard not to get riled up and anxious when addicts start their "Blabbing". Especially when our lives could be affected as yours would have if your "ex" husbands threats and rants were to materialize. you worked hard at not letting him bring you into his insanity. That is one of my biggest mental fights because I am a good arguer and don't like to shut up. I still fight with wanting them to just "see" reality and defending my point.
I am glad you had a friend there with you in court. And sometimes its okay to get some validation that we are okay. The craziness of it all and their addiction talk can have us spinning and make us question everything, so to be told what you knew all along was fair and just can bring relief when our bodies need it the most!
good luck to you and your sons as you try to get some sanity back in your lives.
Cathy
It so hard not to get riled up and anxious when addicts start their "Blabbing". Especially when our lives could be affected as yours would have if your "ex" husbands threats and rants were to materialize. you worked hard at not letting him bring you into his insanity. That is one of my biggest mental fights because I am a good arguer and don't like to shut up. I still fight with wanting them to just "see" reality and defending my point.
I am glad you had a friend there with you in court. And sometimes its okay to get some validation that we are okay. The craziness of it all and their addiction talk can have us spinning and make us question everything, so to be told what you knew all along was fair and just can bring relief when our bodies need it the most!
good luck to you and your sons as you try to get some sanity back in your lives.
Cathy
A work in progress....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: FREE!!!! Somewhere in the Tennessee Mountains
Posts: 1,018
Things are looking bright this morning, but I can't help but shake my head at all the things my ex tried to use to discredit me, and our son. He twisted things from 15-20 years ago trying to make me look horrible, and he outright lied about several things. Just totally made up stuff. Amazing.
I don't even know the man who was in that courtroom yesterday. I guess the man I married is just totally gone; or maybe he was never there at all and it was all in my head.
I really don't hold out much hope at all that he will ever 'get it'. It's always someone else's fault-mostly mine. His sense of entitlement and his arrogance, his total disregard for anyone's feelings except, of course, his own. The way he lied and didn't even blink.
I would have had to sit on that witness stand for literally DAYS to dig up all the things he has done to me and the kids over the years........
Oh well, today is the first day of the rest of my life and I intend to live every single moment fully from now on! Hope you all have a wonderful day!
I don't even know the man who was in that courtroom yesterday. I guess the man I married is just totally gone; or maybe he was never there at all and it was all in my head.
I really don't hold out much hope at all that he will ever 'get it'. It's always someone else's fault-mostly mine. His sense of entitlement and his arrogance, his total disregard for anyone's feelings except, of course, his own. The way he lied and didn't even blink.
I would have had to sit on that witness stand for literally DAYS to dig up all the things he has done to me and the kids over the years........
Oh well, today is the first day of the rest of my life and I intend to live every single moment fully from now on! Hope you all have a wonderful day!
'Round and 'Round I Go....
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 478
My heart goes out to you and your boys. This was not an easy process you all went through. Clearly your sons get their strength from you. I'm glad things worked out in your favor.
Or However You Spell It....
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Safe
Posts: 4,264
Originally Posted by duet_4-8 
Oh well, today is the first day of the rest of my life and I intend to live every single moment fully from now on!
You've come a long way lady! I remember when you first got here. You are a true inspiration my friend. Now come here :ghug3
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: NJ
Posts: 702
I am so happy that the mess of the divorce is behind you. You sound so strong, and your sons are wonderful young men. They did the hardest thing they had to do and that was to talk about their father, but they did it for the love of your youngest.
You are so right today is the first day of YOUR LIFE.
Hugs to you
You are so right today is the first day of YOUR LIFE.
Hugs to you
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