just over 60 days
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Superior, Wisc
Posts: 11
just over 60 days
Hi, I havent been on the computer much in the last weeks, been very busy and lifes been very stressfull, I am thankfull Ive been learning to give it up to my higher power and really beleive that god has a plan for me and I need to stop trying to control everything in my life, it never worked before and it feels so much better to just let it go and take the action on doing the things I need to, and try and have faith it will work out as it is suppose to. Ive been living with a huge amount of anger over a situation that concerned my children, someone had hurt them and we've been in court and are going back but not untill May. I had to realize that this person may get away with this because of lack of proof, so what other choice do i have but to try and find a way to forgive him or let this anger and hate dwell inside me till I drink over it. I am not getting sober to feel bad all the time, I am tired of feeling all that **** and its hard to try and change thinking and old behaviors so that I get rid of all this junk or I will drink again. I guess life is not always fair but its out of my hands and I can only go on.I have decided its time to get out of my relationship with my husband. Weve had problems for so long and I know its best for me and the kids. the tension and arguing is just to much. I didnt want to make any big decisions for awhile because theres days I feel so weak and Im so co-dependent its sick, but if I keep saying its not a good time like Ive been saying forever, the day will never be right. I just feel ready, I didnt have to plan or talk myself into it, I just know Im ready, it will be hard, I love him and Ill feel lonely and miss him, Im sure.I feel bad for him because I always have to feel for everyone else before myself. But right now Im miserable with him and I beleive Ive been holding on to a fantasy that someday we will be a happy family,he'll love me like he use to and well work together and everything will be so good, Its just a hope, a way to not look at the real truth because the truth is to painfull. Im afraid of being a single mom and making it on my own but I cant stay where Ive been for so many years and I have to stop letting myself except whatever life throws at me and even if its hurting me and I know its wrong than I must deserve it. Im not saying I had nothing to do with my decisions in life,I just need to stop the cycle of hurting myself and start doing things to improve it, Ive felt like Ive been in a vicious cycle that is ok for a short while then Im right back in it again and its been that way for years. Hes a alcoholic and hasnt drank for about a month, Its like two very mixed up, disfunctional people trying to be functional. It aint working. He cuts me down daily, Its all in my head that I need anti-depressants and Im a peice of **** because I dont work right now, it never ends.Well thanks for listening and to all that write back, its nice to have a place to get it out, and meet new people.:ghug
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Congrats on 60 days!!!
Sorry you have so much stress going on, but it sounds like you are handling it in a healthy way. I know most people say not to make any major changes for the 1st year of recovery, but I think that if NOT making that change (leaving your husband) is harming your recovery or your children, then you need to do what you need to do.
Sometimes it takes being clean/sober to realize that a relationship hasn't worked for a long, long time.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Sorry you have so much stress going on, but it sounds like you are handling it in a healthy way. I know most people say not to make any major changes for the 1st year of recovery, but I think that if NOT making that change (leaving your husband) is harming your recovery or your children, then you need to do what you need to do.
Sometimes it takes being clean/sober to realize that a relationship hasn't worked for a long, long time.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Hi Ter,
You know that believing you deserve a good life and a peaceful life will be big step towards getting out of the negative cycle.
And, remember that forgiving someone for hurting you or your children is not saying that what they did was okay. It's saying that you will not carry around the pain of the issue any longer. You are putting it down. Do that for yourself.
You know that believing you deserve a good life and a peaceful life will be big step towards getting out of the negative cycle.
And, remember that forgiving someone for hurting you or your children is not saying that what they did was okay. It's saying that you will not carry around the pain of the issue any longer. You are putting it down. Do that for yourself.
Good for you.Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Superior, Wisc
Posts: 11
What a struggle at times
Well my huband left last Monday and yes I am going threw all the emotions and heartache of a breakup. Even though I know we just cant do this anymore, I feel so lonely and I start to dought myself. Its a daily struggle sometimes to keep faith that Im making the right decisions.Ive been doing ok, I take time to be alone and that in itself is weird to me, I use to hate being alone, I didnt want to think and feel what was going on in my life. My main mission at the bar when I was using was to find that party so I could drink and have someone to drink with, and when I wasnt drinking I was sure to be around someone because I was scard to be alone. I want to face my fears and feel my true feelings and feel alive. I know that being afraid, sad, depressed are not because Im weak or not doing what I should be, its part of being human and its ok, ethier I deal with what is going on or I dont and it will build up till I drink to releive the pain. My husband keeps texting me tonight and wants to go do the papers for a devorce tommorro!!! I called him heartless and uncaring and said I need some time to just process this, yes Im the one who asked him to leave but its just his way of trying to hurt me and I guess he deals with things different. He thinks he needs to do this right now to go on with his life, its only been a week and I guess I just think theres enough to deal with right now then to start a devorce so soon. I cant even talk with him so he text if he wants to take the kids, Its hard to let go after 13 yrs, it will happen, am I wrong for wanting alittle time? Am I being selfish? A devorce wont heal the pain any quicker.If he would of stopped drinking and put some effort into this relationship maybe we wouldnt be in this situation, Oh theres the resentments!!All I can do today is what I can and let go of the rest, I need to stay healthy for myself and my children , and like I said its a struggle to stay on the right track, to think positive and clearly without resentment and self-will. Its a learning process everyday, Im sure Ill make plenty of mistakes along the way, I have a obligation to my children to give them a happy safe life and I want to someday feel I deserve that also, it will come,
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
Originally Posted by ter4154880 
I have a obligation to my children to give them a happy safe life and I want to someday feel I deserve that also, it will come
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