Miss Pink

For my son's father, a get out of jail free card.

His week long act of sobriety now long gone, I was notified he again bounced 2 checks relating to our sons financial account, so I again file a motion for contempt.

Ex goes balistic, threatening me to drop it. I refuse. He says now, that if I agree to drop it, he will sign a legal document called "Relocation waiver" which will waive his rights to our son residing in the same state as him, allow me to relocate out of state with our son. (Which I planned to do). He doesnt care that it doesnt, nor I dont, inform him of where we will be living, dont have to give him address, phone, nothing. Basically, saying goodbye forever to our son.

He basically wants to save his own behind, and is willing to give up his son.

To what degree further can addiction take him?

PS..no, I wont agree. If my son ever knew of this, it would break his already broken heart further. Anyhow, I have already filed the appropriate forms, and he has done nothing to stop the relocation. He wants us gone so he can live his lifestyle of disease without interference.

NYC_Chick

Hey Miss Pink,

That's really difficult. I can't imagine what you are going through. Sorry for your pain.

I don't have any insight, just wanted to send you (((Miss Pink)))

lexusgirl

((((Miss Pink))))

In a way this doesn't suprise me..even though thats so sad to say. This disease is a very nasty one, and to the degree any addict/alcohlolic will go to is crazy!

A disease of insanity is exactly what it is...only an insane person would do what your AH is doing.

I'm sorry for what you're going through.

Barbara52

I've heard of other parent's doing this sort of thing. Not necessarily realted to alcohol either. Heck think of the number of deadbeat parents (male and female, out there.

I've never understood a parent who can be so uncaring about their child. Don't want to try either.

Sorry you have to deal with this on top of all the other drama and pain.

LucyA

It doesn't surprise me either, it's so sad, I'm convinced my brother would do the same with his son if he was told to, he wouldn't do it himself because then he would have no one to blame but himself. In his case though I wish someone would make him do it, then my nephew would have a life again.

I'm sorry for your pain Miss Pink, stay strong x

Growing

So sorry Miss Pink...

Sending care and prayers....Unbelieveable.

Miss Pink

Whats so so sad....is my ex was an outstanding, loving father to our boy til he relapsed 4 years ago.

He went down fast and hard. He is emotionally unrecoginizable. We just consider him dead.

denny57

One of the most incredible shares I heard in an open AA meeting was a woman who said she was confronted on a bar stool that if she did not leave and go to her hearing, she would lose her daughter. She stayed at the bar. Her story had a "happy" ending nine years later (!).

I'm so sorry this is happening. I hate this disease.

((()))

BigSis

This is why I separate the addict from the man (or woman). The one I love would not make these choices ... but for the addict - the addiction makes such choices without regret.

Do what you need to do to keep you and your children safe and sane.... prayers that using without restraint will take him to his bottom where I pray he can find some true recovery.


((Miss Pink))

steve11694

You could be describing my wife with the above statement.

If I were u, I would sign/get the relocation letter just to give me flexibility with my child. I would also tell my aw that if she chooses sobriety I will help and never withhold our child from her. People do recover, but we never know if/when/to what degree.

My heart goes out 2 u

Miss Pink

Thanks again, you good people.

I just keep remembering stories Ive seen on the news where crack addicts have sold their small children for a $20 fix, or a few bucks. They just simply are obsessed with the high....to the degree that they will sacrifice anything or anyone.

Ugh.

Today I have a meeting with him at his new therapists office. Originally, we were going to utilize this therapist as a mediator to help repair the financial and other issues between us. Given that he has returned to addictive destructive thinking and behavior, I have decided he is just too toxic for me to be around, and I cannot enter into any kind of communication with him, so I am going to go for a few minutes to tell the Dr that I have changed my mind and will not be asking his help.

I will just keep doing the legal route, and pray.

Load Warrior

Your story reminded me...

I know a kid who had a deadbeat dad-no alcohol or anything, just a bad father. At about 12YO the boy decided he didn't want to see his father anymore. The dad demanded to see his boy and it ended up in court. The Mom/Dad finally made an agreement that Dad would not have to provide child support and he could no longer have visitation rights. We told the boy that he won the court case, he didn't have see his dad anymore. We all chipped in over the years to help the Mom out financially, knowing the sacrifice she made for her son's happyness. We will never tell him that his father chose money over his son. The boy now calls his grandfather Dad - and he couldn't have a better father role model, and got a full scholarship to a very highly regarded university.

I hope this gives you some encouragement.

Kindeyes

I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this. I feel particularly bad for your son--ultimately he is the one who will deal with this emotionally. My XAH seldom paid child support. My husband wanted to adopt our son. My XAH refused to allow it and refused to pay child support........I'm not sure which was worse or if it was the combination of the two. Ultimately it left my son feeling like he didn't have a "real" father.

I guess there is no perfect scenario when alcoholism is involved.

gentle hugs to you. I understand your heartache.

queenteree

My daughter gave her not yet xah a choice 5 years ago when her youngest daughter was 8 months old - either get help or get out. He chose out!!! He left to parts unknown, has not seen or spoken to his two children since (5 years), has not paid a dime of child support, but just recently got a lawyer and has agreed to terminate his parental rights w/regard to them. I consider it a blessing in disguise. She would never have gotten child support anyway, she may have had to let him have vistation while he was drunk, and my poor granddaughters would have to deal with a very drunk father and God knows who else. At least now they have a chance to live a somewhat normal life.

Rella927

Pink So sorry that you are going through this-This disease is heart wrenching on the addict and those around them.

My A brother gave up his children 4 years ago and his wife and remarried to his bottle-It is very hard on the children (It was hard on me growing up in my alcoholic home situation) Just be very loving and honest with your Son at all times-to me that is the best way so he does not later feel that he was to blame.

Be gentle with you! Prayers

Mair

(((Miss Pink))) that is so horrible, it proves how bad this disease is. Im just so glad that your son has you as his mother, i really am. God bless you.

Mair xx

rkymtncowboy

On a different note my first born son was taken by a drunk driver, I had no choice. Now I am married to a alcoholic that can't have kids. She is doing a lot better and I will be talking about it soon. Boy this disease is baffling.

FormerDoormat

My daughter's father walked out the door minutes after I told him I was pregnant. He said, "get rid of the baby or I'm gone." We had been dating for several years at that point. I said, "goodbye," he walked out the door, and never looked back. His abandoning his child had nothing to do with alcoholism.

I'm sorry you and your son are hurting, but your lives will be better without him.

FormerDoormat

I'm so sorry, RockyMountainCowboy.

AnotherAnais

Beams to Miss Pink and Rocky Mountain, and better days.