kyteach74

First of all, hello all and I couldn't be more THRILLED to have found this place...I've spent a few days reading the threads here and I feel a bit whiny when I read the struggles of others compared to my own, but that's why I'm here.

I feel like organizations for the families and friends of addicts are more focused on those that are truly surviving the addict or dealing with the aftermath, and I don't fit in. I know they would welcome me, but I would truly feel like I was taking up valuable time from people who needed it more.

I'm dating a great guy who has been clean for 4 years, through the help of NA. I never knew him in active addiction, we've been together several months and we recently moved in together and the oddest thing is happening...I'M STARTING TO FEEL LIKE THE CHAOTIC ONE.

Let me explain...thanks to his program, and all of his strategies to deal with things, any time we argue or disagree he has these neat/organized little ways of dealing with them...leaving me not sure if they're resolved or not. I'm starting to wonder if I'm dysfunctional or if I just don't get it.

I've read through almost all of his literature, I read his "Just for Today" every night...does it just not work for me because I didn't live it like he did?

Has anyone else experienced this? Where you're living with someone that in your mind is his voice telling you, "An addict that isn't using is living in an unnatural state," making you think he's unbalanced and you need to be on top of everything emotionally...but then he seems, on a daily basis, more balanced and more prepared for the battles of life than you? Leaving you confused and out of sorts?

He constantly tells me, "I keep forgetting, you're not in recovery." When I get that confused look on my face when the argument just stops...HELP.

hello-kitty

I can only respond to your comment based on my own recovery from addiction. Especially since the addict in my life is not in recovery.

At first using drugs was my natural state. But once I quit and got a little recovery time under my belt, I got better at dealing with my problems. I have all these great little sayings and new coping techniques to use when dealing with life. And, if I didn't use them, I would eventually relapse. At first it felt unnatural not to use drugs. But now (and I'm only clean 2 years or so) it seems very natural most of the time. We are creatures of habit and I have formed new healthier habits and outlets for stress. Using drugs is not the norm for me anymore.

Not sure what to think about the "I keep forgetting, you're not in recovery" line.... have you asked him what he means by that? Seems like a weird thing to say but maybe that's just me...

kyteach74

Thank you so much, I feel very "lost" for the first time in my life. When I met him and he told me he was a recovering addict, I prepared myself for some sort of up and down roller coaster type of relationship...like absolute unstability - now I feel like the unstable one.

I keep telling myself that as an addict he needs to be able to sort through his feelings efficiently, he can't let things brew and stew, that his way his healthier. But it's so different to me, not that I'm completely emotionally dysfunctional, but I feel like I need to adjust to this more "therapeutic" way of dealing with our problems.

Adapt, adjust and overcome I guess.
Thank God for places like this.