Struggling with gut feelings today....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Struggling with gut feelings today....
This is kind of long....so thank you in advance for reading! 
I try to live in the now and be aware of all my senses as much as I can. I’m learning this in recovery to be happy and love ME! I’m doing quite well with this and have lived a better life today because of my recovery. However the being aware of all my senses is something I’m still in the learning stages of doing. I try to go with my gut feeling when something is bothering me and sense that it is wrong. I try to confront in a manner that is not reacting to a particular situation. The good feelings that I have experienced in life are usually consumed with butterflies in my stomach-but I have received those butterflies while waiting for a decision to be made as well. I feel that my gut gives me guidance and I try to follow through with that guidance.
I have heard that gut feelings arise from your subconscious. And the good thing about the subconscious is it operates largely without the prejudices of your consciousness.
Given this, in the right circumstances, it can give you really good guidance. In any specific situation, it should guide you right. There's a subconscious part of our brain that is thinking on a visceral level.
I found the following to be interesting-
Ok so here it is.....
I recently had a situation where I felt as if my gut was being tested (Codie crazy’s kicked in there for a minute:crazy) I asked someone about something that my gut was telling me that they were doing and they responded to the question and stated that they were not doing so but, in my stomach I could feel that was not true-So I asked again in a calm manner and they began to become defensive and raise their voice. Also began to come at me with questions in reference to a past situation that I was under the understanding that was finished. I have always felt that when someone becomes defensive that usually means that my gut was correct. I was told Also another thing that was disturbing was they were trying to say that because I did not believe them I did not trust them. I feel that "trust" is different from not actually believing that someone is telling the truth. Confusing I know....all I know is that in my life today lying is unacceptable!
I’m having trouble with this as I feel differently that my gut is not wrong!-How do you feel?
Do you listen to your gut feeling?
Just curious about others experiences when is comes to the best way to make decisions using your intuition or "gut feelings?"
I try to live in the now and be aware of all my senses as much as I can. I’m learning this in recovery to be happy and love ME! I’m doing quite well with this and have lived a better life today because of my recovery. However the being aware of all my senses is something I’m still in the learning stages of doing. I try to go with my gut feeling when something is bothering me and sense that it is wrong. I try to confront in a manner that is not reacting to a particular situation. The good feelings that I have experienced in life are usually consumed with butterflies in my stomach-but I have received those butterflies while waiting for a decision to be made as well. I feel that my gut gives me guidance and I try to follow through with that guidance.
I have heard that gut feelings arise from your subconscious. And the good thing about the subconscious is it operates largely without the prejudices of your consciousness.
Given this, in the right circumstances, it can give you really good guidance. In any specific situation, it should guide you right. There's a subconscious part of our brain that is thinking on a visceral level.
I found the following to be interesting-
Another way to train the brain is to think of, or hold in your hands, things that you like, and things you don't like. For me, thinking of chocolate is a "positive" choice and raw liver is a "negative" choice.
Muscle Testing
Muscle Testing
I recently had a situation where I felt as if my gut was being tested (Codie crazy’s kicked in there for a minute:crazy) I asked someone about something that my gut was telling me that they were doing and they responded to the question and stated that they were not doing so but, in my stomach I could feel that was not true-So I asked again in a calm manner and they began to become defensive and raise their voice. Also began to come at me with questions in reference to a past situation that I was under the understanding that was finished. I have always felt that when someone becomes defensive that usually means that my gut was correct. I was told
Your gut can be wrong
I’m having trouble with this as I feel differently that my gut is not wrong!-How do you feel?
Do you listen to your gut feeling?
Just curious about others experiences when is comes to the best way to make decisions using your intuition or "gut feelings?"
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Tuff love can be the right thing in certain situations.
There would be no butterflies that feel good when tuff love is used.
Icecream feels good but isn't always the best thing for you.
If it feels good do it can guide us wrong.
Think with your head not your heart.
The more we learn, the better we do. Just keep working on what you see that needs work and the things you learn along the way will guide you.
There would be no butterflies that feel good when tuff love is used.
Icecream feels good but isn't always the best thing for you.
If it feels good do it can guide us wrong.
Think with your head not your heart.
The more we learn, the better we do. Just keep working on what you see that needs work and the things you learn along the way will guide you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
My gut has been right. My gut has been wrong. I find acting on the basis of careful thought, including analizing someone's reactions to a question, is more reliable that listen to gut reactions or intuition. I may listen to intuition or gut reactions to some degree in some circumstances but I don't base decisions on it.
Leap of Faith Survivor
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
For me my head...my reasoning...my heart....my feelings.....and my gut instinct or intuition...inner guidence...go hand in hand....and work together to give me the best possible information....
Last edited by grateful2b; 03-05-2008 at 07:57 AM. Reason: grammar
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Yes, I now listen to my gut. The worst that can happen is I find out later I was wrong, in which case I can promptly admit it and move on. I'd feel worse if I ignored it and later found out I was right. That's why I listen to my gut - it's the better choice for me.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 151
Rella: I vote for the combo-platter approach (head+gut). I'll explain.
Anyone who's been through a history of trauma (and living with alcoholism certainly counts) will begin to develop certain ideas/behaviors that are designed to be protective in nature. You get hurt and you develop coping skills so you don't get hurt again. But sometimes the thing that started as a solution can become the problem later on down the line.
Example: Say I grew up in a home without a dad, because he was an addict and never around. I don't get a chance to learn trust with an adult male. Then growing up, the other men I'm exposed to due to my mother's continued poor choices happen to be messed up in other ways (anger problems, bad boundaries, abusive, etc). My mistrust is further reinforced. Later on, I choose my first relationships as a teen with similar guys or people who "need fixing" and I get hurt again. By the time I hit adulthood, my trust in others (especially men) is shot and my "gut feeling" is that I really can't trust anyone. Out of the desire to protect myself from further pain, I've turned the sensitivity on my emotional "radar" gun up so high that it could clock a tree going 100 mph. Everyone is suspect and no one can be trusted.
This is where "gut" feelings can go awry. Of course, that's not to say that if you have an awareness of this issue and worked it through that you can't begin to trust again. I guess it just takes some of that "work" we're all trying to do here to get to the healthier side of it. Another good reason to stay single for awhile after ending a relationship with an alcoholic.
Anyone who's been through a history of trauma (and living with alcoholism certainly counts) will begin to develop certain ideas/behaviors that are designed to be protective in nature. You get hurt and you develop coping skills so you don't get hurt again. But sometimes the thing that started as a solution can become the problem later on down the line.
Example: Say I grew up in a home without a dad, because he was an addict and never around. I don't get a chance to learn trust with an adult male. Then growing up, the other men I'm exposed to due to my mother's continued poor choices happen to be messed up in other ways (anger problems, bad boundaries, abusive, etc). My mistrust is further reinforced. Later on, I choose my first relationships as a teen with similar guys or people who "need fixing" and I get hurt again. By the time I hit adulthood, my trust in others (especially men) is shot and my "gut feeling" is that I really can't trust anyone. Out of the desire to protect myself from further pain, I've turned the sensitivity on my emotional "radar" gun up so high that it could clock a tree going 100 mph. Everyone is suspect and no one can be trusted.
This is where "gut" feelings can go awry. Of course, that's not to say that if you have an awareness of this issue and worked it through that you can't begin to trust again. I guess it just takes some of that "work" we're all trying to do here to get to the healthier side of it. Another good reason to stay single for awhile after ending a relationship with an alcoholic.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: California
Posts: 303
Hi Rella927,
Interesting topic and one I feel strongly about. I always try to listen to my "gut" feelings. And my experience has been that when I don't listen, I'm usually sorry I did not. I rely on my natural "intuition", "feelings" (gut or otherwise) because I trust ME.
If it feels right/good/comfortable, then it is. If it feels wrong/bad/uncomfortable, then it is.
As far as the not believing someone is telling the truth/trust, I think they are the same thing. I do not trust that my AH is truthful about certain matters, b/c I have been lied to in the past.
Arghhhh, this stuff is frustrating! My brain needs a time out from all this deep thinking!
Shivaya
Interesting topic and one I feel strongly about. I always try to listen to my "gut" feelings. And my experience has been that when I don't listen, I'm usually sorry I did not. I rely on my natural "intuition", "feelings" (gut or otherwise) because I trust ME.
If it feels right/good/comfortable, then it is. If it feels wrong/bad/uncomfortable, then it is.
As far as the not believing someone is telling the truth/trust, I think they are the same thing. I do not trust that my AH is truthful about certain matters, b/c I have been lied to in the past.
Arghhhh, this stuff is frustrating! My brain needs a time out from all this deep thinking!
Shivaya
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Thank you everyone! Denny on the money as always! 
I have learned to with the help of recovery that I feel better confronting now than I ever did -(Progress not perfection) it is the learning to let go when the response is still in my gut that I'm being lied too. Which is unacceptable to me. Meaning....if I still do not feel peace after I have confronted IMHO that feeling is that I'm being lied too. Make sense?
Detached I loved your post and you made a lot of sense-and I have learned about that in recovery of growing up in the chaos-and finding it hard to trust today- I"m still "working" on that-but I also feel that it goes with not only dating someone but anyone in our lives-that we can have difficulty "trusting" I agree with staying single for awhile until some recovery is under one's belt!
Best amazing post as always! Thank you for sharing your wisdom it is so appreciated!
Shiv thank you yes it is frustrating at times...it gets unfrustrating while we do our recovery-it does get easier and things like this pop up and we question that is why I love SR!
This is so true and what I was trying to explain And how I was feeling after I confronted this person...still wrong/bad/uncomfortable :crazy:
Thank you guys for sharing with me!
I have learned to with the help of recovery that I feel better confronting now than I ever did -(Progress not perfection) it is the learning to let go when the response is still in my gut that I'm being lied too. Which is unacceptable to me. Meaning....if I still do not feel peace after I have confronted IMHO that feeling is that I'm being lied too. Make sense?
Detached I loved your post and you made a lot of sense-and I have learned about that in recovery of growing up in the chaos-and finding it hard to trust today- I"m still "working" on that-but I also feel that it goes with not only dating someone but anyone in our lives-that we can have difficulty "trusting" I agree with staying single for awhile until some recovery is under one's belt!
Best amazing post as always! Thank you for sharing your wisdom it is so appreciated!
Shiv thank you yes it is frustrating at times...it gets unfrustrating while we do our recovery-it does get easier and things like this pop up and we question that is why I love SR!
This is so true and what I was trying to explain
If it feels right/good/comfortable, then it is. If it feels wrong/bad/uncomfortable, then it is.
Thank you guys for sharing with me!
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Anvil amazing you are too! 
Thank you so much.....I totally get it! Someone else here in SR I had the same convo about the "Reacting" side of it all!
Breathe 1, 2, 3 Ok I'm better! Phew thank you guys!!
:rof FD!
Thank you so much.....I totally get it! Someone else here in SR I had the same convo about the "Reacting" side of it all! Breathe 1, 2, 3 Ok I'm better! Phew thank you guys!!
:rof FD!
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Originally Posted by DetachMe9 
Out of the desire to protect myself from further pain, I've turned the sensitivity on my emotional "radar" gun up so high that it could clock a tree going 100 mph.
Rella
I trust my gut.....it seldom fails me. When I ask my A son a question because my "gut" tells me there's something awry, in a way I'm HOPING that he'll lie. I'm hoping that he'll tell me that whatever I'm suspecting (gut feeling) is wrong. (And he's usually very good about accomodating me.)
I'm slowly learning not to ask him questions when in my gut, I know the answer. I am trying to respond to the behaviors associated with his drinking. His behaviors tell me everything I need to know. If he's being a mean, hurtful, angry person........he's been drinking and I just don't want to be around him. I don't want to talk with him. I distance myself from him. That's my only defense at this point.
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