lostnfound1961

Well for some time now my husband has been acting distant. He has been going out most nights to drink and gamble. We arn't talking much but lately, when we have been out with friends he has made it a point to say stuff to hurt me. (didn't work) he talked to some old swinger friends about how he would like to get back into it but because I don't want to he can't.

I also noticed he has been on the net a lot lately. Sooo being the snoop I am, I checked out where he has been and what he has been up to. Hmmmm lookes like he plans to get back into swinging anyway. Not only that but he is checking out weekend trips and dating sites. Gosh you think he is looking into leaving?

I'm sure your reading this and thinking (this woman is stupid for staying) Guess what.... I am. I don't know if it's because we have such a long history or if it's because I am just that codependent, but I panic at the thought of REALY letting go. (I'm working on that) and as it stands..... I may not be the one letting go to start with. I may end up being told it's over.

Funny thing is I know that it's the right thing. We should have split a long time ago. He wants to spend his free time in a bar and I would rather be home watching the history chanell and learning something. He wants to have meaningless shallow friendships and I want friends I can be intamet with. I'm talking about people I trust and enjoy and can talk to about the important things in my life.
He wants to avoid having to think and feel and those are the things I want and need.

Sooo, today I plan to call an atterney and fined out what my rights are so I can get my ducks in a row. The odd thing is I don't feel angry or sad at the moment. I'm sure I will later, but right now all I can think is how I just want to be happy again and I want him to be too and no mater what I do, there is no way we can reach that gole together.

Hey, this Thursday will be 22 months of no drinking for me. Yea Ha!

Have a great day!
D

LaTeeDa

I don't think you're stupid for staying. As I said on another post yesterday, when the pain of staying becomes greater than the fear of changing, then you change. Sometimes the fear is so great that it takes a huge amount of pain to make the change.

I want to encourage you to keep up the counseling and work on that fear. You may surprise yourself and want to make a change. And keep in mind that even if he is the one to leave, that won't necessarily make it easier for you. Keep working on you no matter what he does.

L

denny57

Congratulations on the 22 months!

AH also started the insults in front of friends, etc. About 2 years later we ended.

DetachMe9

Way to go on the sobriety! Sounds like you're getting more Found than Lost, especially choosing to contact the attorney. Each little step provides more information and therefore, more strength on the journey.

Hang in there.

lostnfound1961

Thanks everyone.

Growing

Congratulations on both points! Glad you are looking into the next right step for you!