My husband is addicted to Oxycontin
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: jackson, wi
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My husband is addicted to Oxycontin
I am a 26 yr.old female who is both madly in love with her husband, yet incredibly hurt and raw that for the past 3 years or so I have been lied to. My husband started using Oxy for minor back pain, he worked construction. Over the summer we separated and he began snorting oxys. He comes from a family full of addictions, his brother is addicted to Oxys, his mom is an alchoholic, and his dad is a recovering alcoholic. He grew up thinking that these things make you feel better. We would fight constantly about his need to go over by his parents, sometimes upwards of 3 times a day. And then the day came, my husband sat next to me and told me that he was addicted to oxys and would do anything to get help. It is funny how in the pit of your gut you know something, yet still feel so hurt to find out it is true. So here we are. He attended his first NA meeting, signed up for an outpatient program and joined forums on here. I believe in him, mostly because he had to want to do this for himself, but the part that scares me is the follow through. I know he wants to do it, I just also know that he is so connected to his parents. The key part of the story is that he was getting his Oxys from his brother and parents. I just want this to all be better. Reading all of your posts has helped me a great deal. Any advice to me would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for listening!
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
Originally Posted by albehlen 
I am a 26 yr.old female who is both madly in love with her husband, yet incredibly hurt and raw that for the past 3 years or so I have been lied to. My husband started using Oxy for minor back pain, he worked construction. Over the summer we separated and he began snorting oxys. He comes from a family full of addictions, his brother is addicted to Oxys, his mom is an alchoholic, and his dad is a recovering alcoholic. He grew up thinking that these things make you feel better. We would fight constantly about his need to go over by his parents, sometimes upwards of 3 times a day. And then the day came, my husband sat next to me and told me that he was addicted to oxys and would do anything to get help. It is funny how in the pit of your gut you know something, yet still feel so hurt to find out it is true. So here we are. He attended his first NA meeting, signed up for an outpatient program and joined forums on here. I believe in him, mostly because he had to want to do this for himself, but the part that scares me is the follow through. I know he wants to do it, I just also know that he is so connected to his parents. The key part of the story is that he was getting his Oxys from his brother and parents. I just want this to all be better. Reading all of your posts has helped me a great deal. Any advice to me would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for listening!
My son is addicted to oxy's and I am trying to recover from alcoholism. I am 24 days sober. I know that I have to focus on myself right now.
I'm so sorry that family members have helped your husbands addiction. I hope you read, post and learn for yourself to make your life beter.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
My ex husband was addicted to vicodin and this was 10 plus years ago. My last relationship was with a man who took oxy's. He snorted them as well. I hate those pills and how some people get hooked to them. Some people can take them for pain and as prescribed from the drs..... and then there are those that take them for fun and to party and then find they are reliant on them. They are so evil, because they give off a sense of safety because they are prescribed. They are pill form heroin. I can't stand those bloody pills. My sister went down hill on them as well... and then moved on to methadone for a few years....... went cold turkey off them and she is now so mentally unfit... living on the streets and not doing drugs! That is looking at it practically - and leaving out all the drama that surrounds those pills.
Opiate addicts - all the stories sound so similar. My ex's habit started because of an injury..... and then it just took over his life after he wasn't being prescribed them per the injury being fixed. His pain wasn't any longer just in his neck, it was all over his body! They bring on phantom pains that you didn't have prior to taking them, but your body is screaming to have the drug, as the pain has manifested in all other areas. And so it starts medicinally and then it becomes a physical dependency. I know people who start it knowing there is going to be a detox and withdrawal period. I can't stand those oxys. A whole script costs $30 ... a buck a pill and to buy them off the street... they are $20-$25 a pill.... and people pay for it!!!
I have been on here for a few months now, and I will say the best thing I have gained from here, is that I am in recovery. Recovery to help me concentrate on myself and what my needs and wants are. To literally force myself not to think about what he is up to.... and to love from a distance! And for me, that means I have to let go. But that is only because I have tried to stay in contact, but all I still had were a lot of words and no action. And lots of broken promises. Whether he is using or not, the trust between us is so far gone, there is no repairing. Now my ex husband, he blatantly got sick of the relapses and putting me through hell and back, that in the end I gave him the ultimatum ... me or the drugs. And he chose drugs. Just hearing him say those words was enough for me to pack it up and start my new journey solo. Looking back, that was pretty hurtful, but really, he did the right thing.... because he felt powerless. AND.... he helped me get off the roller coaster. To that I am thankful. Now..... I'm doing it all again, but this time on my own.
Sorry for the ramble...... I guess what I was wanting to say is..... I can relate. The 3 C's helped me so much!
Opiate addicts - all the stories sound so similar. My ex's habit started because of an injury..... and then it just took over his life after he wasn't being prescribed them per the injury being fixed. His pain wasn't any longer just in his neck, it was all over his body! They bring on phantom pains that you didn't have prior to taking them, but your body is screaming to have the drug, as the pain has manifested in all other areas. And so it starts medicinally and then it becomes a physical dependency. I know people who start it knowing there is going to be a detox and withdrawal period. I can't stand those oxys. A whole script costs $30 ... a buck a pill and to buy them off the street... they are $20-$25 a pill.... and people pay for it!!!
I have been on here for a few months now, and I will say the best thing I have gained from here, is that I am in recovery. Recovery to help me concentrate on myself and what my needs and wants are. To literally force myself not to think about what he is up to.... and to love from a distance! And for me, that means I have to let go. But that is only because I have tried to stay in contact, but all I still had were a lot of words and no action. And lots of broken promises. Whether he is using or not, the trust between us is so far gone, there is no repairing. Now my ex husband, he blatantly got sick of the relapses and putting me through hell and back, that in the end I gave him the ultimatum ... me or the drugs. And he chose drugs. Just hearing him say those words was enough for me to pack it up and start my new journey solo. Looking back, that was pretty hurtful, but really, he did the right thing.... because he felt powerless. AND.... he helped me get off the roller coaster. To that I am thankful. Now..... I'm doing it all again, but this time on my own.
Sorry for the ramble...... I guess what I was wanting to say is..... I can relate. The 3 C's helped me so much!
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: New England
Posts: 82
My ex started with vicodin, graduated to percocet, and eventually OC's. I moved home a while back, but was going through some boxes yesterday... I found pill casings at the bottom of one of the bins... from perc's.
I know what you mean about hating the pills. Just seeing the shells, brought it all back.
I wish I could say my ex started with an injury - but he didn't. He started getting them from friends, then started buying his own, etc etc.... I just tell people "he got hooked on prescription medication" - I just find it easier, and their judgments easier to handle, when I don't tell them that he just started taking them because he liked them...
I hope your story ends better than mine... Stolen credit cards and a heap of everything I own in my parents living room... but then again, it could have ended worse too....
Good luck to you and I hope your husband is serious about his recovery...
I know what you mean about hating the pills. Just seeing the shells, brought it all back.
I wish I could say my ex started with an injury - but he didn't. He started getting them from friends, then started buying his own, etc etc.... I just tell people "he got hooked on prescription medication" - I just find it easier, and their judgments easier to handle, when I don't tell them that he just started taking them because he liked them...
I hope your story ends better than mine... Stolen credit cards and a heap of everything I own in my parents living room... but then again, it could have ended worse too....
Good luck to you and I hope your husband is serious about his recovery...
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston, MA
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The beginning of your story was like someone was writing about me. I am also 26 and my husband is addicted to Oxycontin. He started the same way taking it for back pain caused by his work in construction. He hid it for over a year and lied every chance he got. He did finally come to me and confess and asked for me to work with him to get help. We have tried so many things (including suboxone, inpatient detox, therepy) and I thought we were doing so well, but in my Valentine's day card he informed me that he has been lying to me and he has started taking them again.
I can't even imagine your situation with his family being the ones supporting his addiction. I really feel for you. The one thing I will recomend is making sure that you have plenty of support for yourself too. It really takes a lot out of you and it can be very depressing if things don't go as planned. Just make sure you take care of yourself. I wish you lots of luck and strength.
I can't even imagine your situation with his family being the ones supporting his addiction. I really feel for you. The one thing I will recomend is making sure that you have plenty of support for yourself too. It really takes a lot out of you and it can be very depressing if things don't go as planned. Just make sure you take care of yourself. I wish you lots of luck and strength.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 98
I was a Vicodin addict for about a year and half and am now completely free and back to the 'me' I was before I started them...maybe I am a rarity in this type pf addiction, but I do believe that some people just screw up once, learn from the mistake, and never go back. For those that continue to struggle with the addiction and their families and friends, I am sorry...but I know that sometimes there are instances when the doom and gloom of addiction are not the inevitable, end-all result. Take care of yourself, but please do not assume that the worst case scenario will be yours...as it was not mine...best of luck to you, my friend. Take care of yourself, but please do not be cynical until it is proven to you that cycnicism is the best route for you to take in order to protect yourself...
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Sunny, AZ
Posts: 60
I'm 27. My husband's DOC is oxys. Its a terrible addiction, and that's great that your AH is getting help-- mine only threatens treatment when he becomes fearful that I might actually leave, but he never follows through.
Now, what are you going to do for yourself? I've found AlAnon very helpful, as well as spending time with supportive friends (unfortunately, all friends are not created equal, and some of them you can turn to with problems like these, and some of them just don't "get it"). I felt very alone for the two years our lives spiraled out of control, and now I know that I'm not alone, and no matter what, I'll be okay.
Now, what are you going to do for yourself? I've found AlAnon very helpful, as well as spending time with supportive friends (unfortunately, all friends are not created equal, and some of them you can turn to with problems like these, and some of them just don't "get it"). I felt very alone for the two years our lives spiraled out of control, and now I know that I'm not alone, and no matter what, I'll be okay.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: jackson, wi
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It is scary how similar our stories are. I feel for you and the situation that you are in. Being lied to is such a hard thing to get over. A couple of days ago my parents asked me why I was not mad about this whole thing. It's funny because anger doesnt seem like it will get me or my husband anywhere. He has admitted to his deceptions, I am not angry, but I feel like I am walking on thin ice, just hoping to make it across. I hope this is not too personal to ask, but how do you deal with the lies? When he first told me, I felt like I didnt want to let him out of my sight, how do you get over that feeling? I am sick for you dealing with this again.....the dreaded relapse. Take care of yourself and please keep me posted because it seems like you and I have very similar stories, so we should lean on each other.
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: New York
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Welcome to SR. I am new here too and feel so fortunate to have found this site. It is filled with wisdom, hope and love. My story is similar to yours, although like Newcomer my husband got them from friends here and there and then his addiction grew. And grew. He is now in recovery after the third time I found out. I really want to believe him this time. I wish I had some words of encouragement for you but I don't, however you are not alone. It's a daily struggle trying to act like everything is "normal" with us and I wonder if we'll ever get past all this. The constant lies have ruined our relationship and I just keep praying that we will someday be in a better place... or at least that I will. He has to heal himself. I am trying to do the same. You will be in my prayers.
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: New England
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Ah... "normal" - what's that? I think I've been struggling with that the most since I left my ex... Which is funny, because for the God knows how long, all I've done is WORK to LOOK normal - and now I'm not even sure what that is. I went to lunch with an old friend today - a guy. I haven't seen him in forever, mostly because it wasn't worth my ex giving me the third degree about who he is and if I ever dated him. But he actually pointed out that I'm different, I don't seem comfortable. My female friends have never noticed this, but particularly with men, I don't feel my old self anymore. I think I realized today just how far from "normal" everything has gotten.
I know how you feel about walking across thin ice. I felt that way while my ex was in rehab and for the months after. It's like a tightrope act. Just try to keep everything in balance, make sure from the outside things look "normal" and get through the day... Even though I'm no longer living it, I still feel the pain. I felt it today when I tried so hard to look "normal" in front of somebody who has known me for at least ten years. I forgot how well he knows me. And I realized why I distanced myself from people - because, like this friend, people who really knew me, would have known that things were not "normal" - no matter how hard I tried.
The best advice I can give - don't push away family and friends who care. Even if maybe they seem judgmental at times, try to keep an open mind and see things from their point of view. I wish now I had done that. I felt so alone, so isolated. And I worked SO hard at making sure that people didnt know I felt that way. Keep friends and family close, allow them to support you. I wish I had.
I know how you feel about walking across thin ice. I felt that way while my ex was in rehab and for the months after. It's like a tightrope act. Just try to keep everything in balance, make sure from the outside things look "normal" and get through the day... Even though I'm no longer living it, I still feel the pain. I felt it today when I tried so hard to look "normal" in front of somebody who has known me for at least ten years. I forgot how well he knows me. And I realized why I distanced myself from people - because, like this friend, people who really knew me, would have known that things were not "normal" - no matter how hard I tried.
The best advice I can give - don't push away family and friends who care. Even if maybe they seem judgmental at times, try to keep an open mind and see things from their point of view. I wish now I had done that. I felt so alone, so isolated. And I worked SO hard at making sure that people didnt know I felt that way. Keep friends and family close, allow them to support you. I wish I had.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 103
My husband has been out of rehab 3 months. He started on Lortabs and ended up using IV FENTANYL. He works with this stuff everyday. He will return to work after 1 year. We have 3 kids and they do not know. I too feel like I walk on thin ice and I never know how to respond to him. The wall between us is so strong. and I don't think it will ever come down b/c I just don't trust him after 17 years of marriage. This is all new to me and I feel so alone. I do try to be with friends and family, but I am so tired of crying to them. I just don't see that light at the end. I feel so alone. It is very hard to talk to him and there is no intimacy between us. He has no sexual desire. It also adds to the insecurity that I feel. I am so tired of being sick and tired.
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11d - I'm so sorry for how you're feeling! 17 years and 3 kids. That's a big history. Keep reading posts, find a naranon or alanon meeting(s), get some books (Melody Beattie!) You need to work on you!
My sex life was not good, from the beginning it wasn't great and it just got worse, so I went through the insecurity thing too. I went to therapy though (didn't know at the time I was married to an addict - and that's a side-effect of opiate addiction) but I started getting stronger in myself, and realized I was pretty enough, attractive enough, etc. If he wasn't interested, it was his deal not mine. I won't say I started strutting around or anything, but I did start feeling better about myself, and you know it made a difference for me outside my house. I made more friends, the kids in the neighborhood started walking with me when I walked my dog - before the kids said hi but didn't really seem to like to be with me. I thought that was a huge indication of how much better I felt inside - kids are a barometer! This is what helped me, I hope you find a way that helps you help yourself! You are worth it, I guarantee it!
Take care of yourself! Welcome!
My sex life was not good, from the beginning it wasn't great and it just got worse, so I went through the insecurity thing too. I went to therapy though (didn't know at the time I was married to an addict - and that's a side-effect of opiate addiction) but I started getting stronger in myself, and realized I was pretty enough, attractive enough, etc. If he wasn't interested, it was his deal not mine. I won't say I started strutting around or anything, but I did start feeling better about myself, and you know it made a difference for me outside my house. I made more friends, the kids in the neighborhood started walking with me when I walked my dog - before the kids said hi but didn't really seem to like to be with me. I thought that was a huge indication of how much better I felt inside - kids are a barometer! This is what helped me, I hope you find a way that helps you help yourself! You are worth it, I guarantee it!
Take care of yourself! Welcome!
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Join Date: Dec 2007
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The sex thing was huge for me too. Him not being in the mood or not being able to maintain an erection. I am a good looking woman, nice figure, eager in the bedroom and all that good stuff..... yet he couldn't reach climax or keep the erection. THAT totally messed with my head and made me feel inadequate.... and then I realized the truth, which was the Oxy's keeping him "down"...... and so then that became the next indicator of whether he was using or not. I couldn't get a break..... those Oxy's..... just ruin EVERYTHING!
How about those "nodding outs"......... I couldn't stand them! And then coming out of it when I acknowledge it .... and his pretending that it didn't happen. I so badly wanted to video him and show him what a fool he looked like! Especially in social situations! Friends coming up to me...... "What is he on?"
UGH!!!!!!!!!
Ladies......... seriously...... take Yoga.........!!!
How about those "nodding outs"......... I couldn't stand them! And then coming out of it when I acknowledge it .... and his pretending that it didn't happen. I so badly wanted to video him and show him what a fool he looked like! Especially in social situations! Friends coming up to me...... "What is he on?"
UGH!!!!!!!!!
Ladies......... seriously...... take Yoga.........!!!
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Hardy Ky
Posts: 170
Same thing with my son...Addicted to Oxy's and snorted them...Went to rehab, 85 days clean today, attending meetings now, and all because of the Lord...I firmly believe in the power of pray!! I will be praying for you and your husband...
The parents...that is hard...I can't believe they are parents who would actually give their own children that stuff...UNREAL!!!! I would suggest he stay away from them for a long while...There are triggers...His parents and brother may be a trigger to your husband. But anyway....I could go on and on:chatter
God Bless,
Machele
The parents...that is hard...I can't believe they are parents who would actually give their own children that stuff...UNREAL!!!! I would suggest he stay away from them for a long while...There are triggers...His parents and brother may be a trigger to your husband. But anyway....I could go on and on:chatter
God Bless,
Machele
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: New England
Posts: 82
I did video my ex - while he was eating and dropping food all over the place. After the third time he spilled pasta all over my white carpet, and then blamed me for dumping it out on him, i used the video option on my phone.
I thought it might work. He just thought it was hilarious....
I thought it might work. He just thought it was hilarious....
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
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My xh got addicted after suffering from neck pain. He had a 65k a year job, has a BS in business, and is funny, and bright and creative.
He lost everything he has including all his money, job, house, and me.
Hopefully your husband will realize that he needs help and be serious about it.
In the mean time, you need some coping skills. Alanon meetings help. If you could talk to your pastor that would help too. Any counseling is helpful.
I am sorry you have to go through this.
He lost everything he has including all his money, job, house, and me.
Hopefully your husband will realize that he needs help and be serious about it.
In the mean time, you need some coping skills. Alanon meetings help. If you could talk to your pastor that would help too. Any counseling is helpful.
I am sorry you have to go through this.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Sunny, AZ
Posts: 60
Originally Posted by Abundance
How about those "nodding outs"......... I couldn't stand them! And then coming out of it when I acknowledge it .... and his pretending that it didn't happen. I so badly wanted to video him and show him what a fool he looked like!
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 34
wow - we have identical stories
My EXAH was also addicted to oxys... and seemingly any other painkiller he could get his hands on. While I know many others have spouses addicted to pain pills, our stories are unique in that family members are also their drug dealers. Mine was given oxys by his own mother... something I could never get my mind around. HIS MOTHER. Its disgraceful, but served as her way of keeping him coming back for more - to clean for her, do her laundry, etc etc. She's the helpless female sort. Soooo not my style.
Anyway, my story ends with divorce. EXAH went to rehab for one week (all insurance would cover.) After that, my policy became "third time is a charm." Within six months of coming home, three times he told me he was clean, and three times I caught him using. Game over. We were divorced and living separately within three months of the third time.
Dealing with a drug-dealing mother-in-law was a crazy experience. We all know that any and all triggers need to be removed from the addicts' lives... but he couldn't stay away from her for anything. I understand that its his mom, but still... she's not behaving like a mother! Ultimately he chose her and the drugs over me (thats the way I see it, anyway; he'd tell you a different story), so off I went. Good riddance to both of them. I will never have that in my life again.
I wish you the best of luck in finding your own path. Feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk further!
Anyway, my story ends with divorce. EXAH went to rehab for one week (all insurance would cover.) After that, my policy became "third time is a charm." Within six months of coming home, three times he told me he was clean, and three times I caught him using. Game over. We were divorced and living separately within three months of the third time.
Dealing with a drug-dealing mother-in-law was a crazy experience. We all know that any and all triggers need to be removed from the addicts' lives... but he couldn't stay away from her for anything. I understand that its his mom, but still... she's not behaving like a mother! Ultimately he chose her and the drugs over me (thats the way I see it, anyway; he'd tell you a different story), so off I went. Good riddance to both of them. I will never have that in my life again.
I wish you the best of luck in finding your own path. Feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk further!
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