sleepygoat

leah, my AD, says she is looking herself for a detox and rehab. I am incredibly cynical and negative. Given her track record, why wouldn't I be? It's easy to make some phone calls and say you are willing, when you are high at the time.

I told her "Good, because I'm not able to help you right now." I told her I was not able to believe that she will stay anywhere she might go for detox, since she hasn't yet. I told her to "call me from rehab. Otherwise its all just words. If you really finish deox and go into a rehab, then I will be able to help you, but not now because I will use myself if I try".

She is also waiting for the PA rehab to mail her one of 3 HIV meds that either she forgot to ask for or they forgot to give her when she left Friday. She is concerned about how this will effect her HIV progression. I said, "I don't know" and left it at that.

I guess she has figured out I am pissed and tired as hell.

Miss Pink

Good job at letting go.....

today, lyoure letting go, tho pissed....tomorrow, with love. Takes time. Let her figure her own life out.

Hang in there, SG...

marle

Sleepy, I kind of replied to you on Obsessed's thread. I think that you are getting there, I really do. Just remember that it is going to be painful to let go. But it is necessary for both you and your daughter that you do. Hugs, Marle

Lobo

Sleepy,
I've been reading your post about your AD leaving White Deer Run. My RAD spent some time at White Deer Run also. She absolutely hated that place. She did detox there, but only stayed for 10 days. I went to visit on a parents week-end and she said if I didn't take her home with me that she would walk off of that mountain without shoes if she had to. I knew she meant it. Against my better judgement, I took her home with me because I feared that she would be a long way from home with no money wondering around who knows where. I couldn't live with that. Well, she came home and of course she relapsed. That was early in her addiction and I had no clue of the years I was facing. WDR was her first rehab she was ever in. She of course told me the place was horrible. When I visited, I of course tried to keep an open mind but as far a facilities go it was not anything to write home about. All in all my daughter just wasn't ready to get better. I forced her to go there and it was a gov. funded facility so I couldn't expect too much. No matter what the place is like, I think if they want it to work, it will.

A few yrs. later I sent her out to Calif. to a really nice facility. This time she asked if she could go. It was a lot of money out of my pocket. However, she never wanted to leave and stayed for 3 months. I know she got a lot out of it. She liked the program and the way they did things. They provided her with a bike to ride all over the place, which she loved. The bad thing was, she met a guy there and stayed out in Calif. and they ended up relapsing together. Well, I could write a book about all of the things that transpired after that. I'm not sorry that I sent her to Calif. I believe it was all part of the journey that she was supposed to travel on. I also know that in the 3 months she gained a lot of knowledge that she used later when she did finally decide to take the recovery route.
I even think she earned something at WDR. She told me she left a lot of s--t on that mountain and that was a good thing.

Prayers for your daughter that she open her eyes and sees what a beautiful life she has in store for her.

Blessings..............Lo

grateful2b

being pissed has its place when it brings us to dead honesty....I love what you did, Sleepy, ..........might not be pretty but empowering and that is what is important for you......:ghug3

hello-kitty

Wow. I think you handled that call really well. Reminds me of dealing with my ex. I want to fix everything for him, but no matter what I could possibly do, there is no way I could fix everything for him. I can't fix anything for him because he has messed up everything so bad because of his addiction. Letting go is the best thing. I just try to sound positive and upbeat and say, "I care very much about you. I want you to get better. I want our son to have a father. You're a smart guy. I am sure you'll figure things out." Even if I don't believe it, even if it doesn't really apply to the situation, I say it anyway. It's etched in stone in my brain. Maybe you can come up with a version to use everytime your daughter calls. It's much easier when you have what you are going to say planned out in advance and you say it - no matter what.

sleepygoat

Ok, so today she calls again, from the ER. She has a rash all over her body. This medical crap is endless. I never met an addict who wound up in the ER as much as my kid. She has 20 times the medical crap going on that my 81 year old mother does. They gave her benadryl for the itch and and prednisone too (at the ER). I told her to call the clinic first thing in the morning and tell them about the rash (must be an adverse reaction to one of the new HIV meds she started last week. Her meds have warning about rashes and calling the doctor immediately etc.)

I will NOT call the clinic. I will NOT call her to find out what happens tomorrow when/if she calls herself. All right maybe she didn't cause the rash directly, but its still a consequence of her meds, which are a consequence of her HIV which is a consequence of her prositution which is a consequence of her drug addiction!!!!

jane_668

Sleepy Ican hear you loud .I know you are pissed off and mad ate her behavors but please bear in mind that she's asick person.If she had cancer wouldnot you want to give her the best possible cure in the world.She probably prostituted because she was so sick.It was the drugs behaving not her.Drugs induce clear abnormal changes in the brain.Don't you think that you're too hard on her.Don't you think that carching HIV is enough punishment for her.She's is sick,lost and terrifed .She needs you.You can't just ignore her.The fact that she's calling you to tell you that she's goin to check in means she's at leasst tryting to tell that she needs you.,She can't do it alone.This is not amoral defficiency,it's a disease that's fatal.You may lose her at anytime.Don't give up on her.She has her HP to take care of her but also you.Addiction is so cunning ,baffling and plays tricks.Can you imagine a person selling his body for drug.How would she she feeling.Every one will probably be abusing her in one way or another .Are you will to just disregard that.She's sick and not a criminal.She needs help or else she'll end up dead.I have my parents tens of times that I will quit but I didnot not because I don't love them but rather because I couldnot .Do u think anyone would love to beg a dealer for drug or kill or steal jsut for a 15 minutes rush.Please lady don't enable but don't abandon her.She's a different person from inside waiting to get free.Don't punish her twice.Sorry if I sounded too harsh but I know what it means to be an addict.

Ann

(((Sleepygoat))), my heart and prayers go out for both of you because I know how hard this all is. My thoughts are that she may take a better turn soon, she's had a taste of sobriety and sometimes that helps lead them back.

From one mom's heart to another

grateful2b

:ghug3