obsessed

My AD Lauren came by my work this afternoon, said she was spending the night with her grandmother, my mother and she looked better than I have seen her look in a while. I called and told them I was hungry and Lauren brought me something. When I got off work I went to my mothers house to see how things were and I asked Lauren if she wanted to run to Wal-Mart and she went with me never asked for anything and it was kinda like the old Lauren, she was really calm. I asked if she had used meth since she left on Tuesday, she said a little, at times when I asked that she will tell me the truth. I took her back and she told me she would be at home tomorrow to have lunch with us but I am kinda scared....I just hate to see her leave again. I guess I still get my hopes up everytime thinking maybe this is the time she is really gonna do it!!!! I told her I loved her and left.... So I will just have to wait and see!!

aztchr

When my sister would leave, All I could do was tell her I loved her and to be safe.
I never gave up hope and prayed she'd find her way. When I let go and worked on my own recovery I found peace even though my sister was still using.

She's in treatment now and we'll just have to wait and see what happens, too.
Take care of yourself!! Praying for your daughter and all those affected!

sleepygoat

Your daughter reminds me of mine in the way that she seems really in need of your approval - or at least in need of keeping a relationship with you. Was she a really good girl before the drugs? we were always close (my only child) and I think she just wants it to be like it was before, except she uses and kills herself on a daily basis. I gave that a shot - it was OK for a while, except that in the end it made me insane. I am finally too shell-shocked from exhausting myself getting her help and her walking out of it- to care about a relationship with her. I feel like I'm finally getting the hang of this. I wonder if i'll start to miss her and fall back into my old ways in a few days. This is really hard, isn't it?

marle

Obsessed and Sleepy, I think it is the progression of the disease that you are seeing. My AD tried to stay close to me and I tried to stay close to her, but I think it would take a superhuman or one without feelings to be able to stay close to an addict child and not be affected by what they are doing to themselves. I tried the putting my feelings aside and just accepting my daughter's addiction and trying to go on as if nothing had changed. And like you, Sleepy, it drove me crazy. I rebelled. I could not live that way. So I had to break all ties with her for a while in order to get better myself. I went to a therapist so that I would have someone to bounce ideas off from and to give me some feedback because addiction had screwed up my thinking to where I felt like a bad mother and like it was all my fault. Acceptance for me means accepting that I can't live with addiction. It is not accepting her as an addict even though I have accepted that it is what it is. And acceptance does not take away the pain. You still have to grieve the loss of the child you once knew, you have to grieve the loss of the relationship you once had. You have to walk through the pain. Sometimes I think we hang on too long because we are afraid of losing them even though we already have. Hugs, Marle

Lobo

My RAD always tried to stay close to me even in her worst of times. She knew I was fed up with her and there were the times that I threw her out of my house, called the police on her, had her committed. You name it and I've done it. All in an effort to save her, because that's what a good mom would do. Did it ever work? I don't know how much of it did. In the end she pretty much saved herself. She ended up in jail and I wouldn't bail her out. She detoxed in jail, came out and finally decided she had had enough. I truly think that she finally did something about it because she wanted to, not because I wanted her to or anything that I did. She applied for medical assistance and got into therapy and got her bi polar disorder under control. She did it all on her own, I was only her ride. She still has a hearing pending until April from her last jail stint. Again, I am only her ride. I will not sit through a hearing and she will have to deal with it by herself.

It has been a long time for my daughter, she was 19 when she started using drugs and she will be 27 in May. Nothing happened overnight. During that time she almost lost her life a couple of times. She is living for some reason and she knows that now. I thank God everyday for her being clean. I still worry a lot about her, but she has proven to me that she will and can take care of herself when she wants to and how she wants to.

Never lose hope in Lauren, she can beat this when she is ready to.

Hugs.............Lo

grateful2b

I don't have much to add here as Marle said it so well...but I do want to say that I think you are doing great, Obsessed, keep going ,hon.....prayers for your dear heart.....and hers...

bookmiser

((((((((Obsessed)))))))))

Sending prayers and support for you and Lauren.
One day at a time, right?



All I can say is Wow! Every time I stop in I see so much growth, healing, and recovery shining. Take a bow, Marle.....