A Revealing Day

Old 02-29-2008, 05:04 PM
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A Revealing Day

Today was a much better day than yesterday. I know this feeling good might be momentary, but that is why I am taking one day at a time, one minute at a time.

Today I was called for a job interview at an awesome well established company. The job would call for me to relocate, which would help me with my detachment from stbx. For the last five years I have been looking for, applying for and interviewing for jobs and have not had one single offer. (I am working just always looking for something with better pay and more of a challenge). And now here on a whim I send my resume and this company is VERY interested in me. Even if it doesn't work out I know I am qualified to do something and all my hard work and education is not as useless as I was feeling it was.

I'm also thinking that this could be my golden opportunity. This could be the start of a new life, one with ME at the center. Maybe this is part of the plan I have been trying so hard to figure out. Trust my HP.

I also went back to the gym today and went and had my nails done and actually spent time looking at clothes at the mall! All stuff I stopped doing once I got married. It hit me why for the last 7.5 years have I done NOTHING for myself? Well because I was always too busy making sure I'd be home when he got home. Too busy making sure I was there to wait on him hand and foot in the hopes that it would win me two seconds of his love and attention. This is what I called a marriage? WTF!!!!

Somewhere along the way I got so used to accepting the unacceptable that I started thinking that was what I deserved. And if that was what I deserved why would I do anything for me?

Maybe it's a fleeting moment of clarity, or maybe it's something I can hold on to for another day. But I know I loved my husband with all my heart, and I know that I always will. But I did EVERYTHING I could to make my marriage work and if he can't see that, it's just not my problem anymore. Maybe someday he will figure it out and maybe he won't but my job is no longer to worry about or rescue him. My life is a blank canvas, my job now is make it a beautiful work of art!

Thanks to EVERYONE on this board who continues to read my posts and offer words of strength, experience, and encouragement.
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Old 02-29-2008, 05:33 PM
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Wow! Thank you for sharing your positive experience with us.

I decided just today, that I will no longer be accepting unacceptable behavior from anyone, including AH. It sure does feel good, just knowing that I am aware!

Congratulations on all of your good news!

Shivaya
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Old 02-29-2008, 05:43 PM
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oh my gosh, let me join in here! YES, YES , YES!!!

i could have written the above posts myself today -word for word.

except for the new job, congrats serenity!!!!

you know, today i am great! i thought this seperation from ah would be so hard. it's not as hard as i thought it would be, i made it through my first night. today i am happy. i can breathe. the moments of sadness or loniness are fleeting and overcome by a sense of freedom.

huge for me, ah just called (after leaving without a goodbye for texas) leaving me a message saying "just checking to see how everything is" I DID NOT CALL HIM BACK, didn't want to, not in the least. instead i sent him a quick text simply saying "everything is fine" i will not answer anymore calls from him when he is gone.

this is huge for me and it is revealing and it really does give me a sense that EVERYTHING GOING TO BE OKAY... the monsters in the dark arn't quite as scary when you actually face them and put light on them

i'm proud and happy ladies -good job!!!
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Old 02-29-2008, 05:51 PM
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Originally Posted by SerenitySeaker View Post
Maybe this is part of the plan I have been trying so hard to figure out. Trust my HP.
Now you've got it! A light bulb moment. The path has been laid before you. Your HP is showing you which way to go.

Originally Posted by SerenitySeaker View Post
Somewhere along the way I got so used to accepting the unacceptable that I started thinking that was what I deserved.
This makes me think. I never felt like I deserved any of it. I always felt that my HP was in charge, that He had a plan for me, and that He would lead me to where He intended for me to be. You have made me realize how unshakeable my faith has been.

I am so happy for you!
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Old 02-29-2008, 05:51 PM
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Wow, S.S.! That's an awesome post, and so beautiful. And I love the part about shopping for yourself and getiing in some ALL-ABOUT-ME activities. That is recovery for me in a big way, getting back in touch with my girlie side. Plus, when you look good, you FEEL good. No kidding, right?

Regarding that AHA moment, and the trying to hang on to the new attitude. I'm quite sure the secret to that is staying in the day more, and not projecting into the future too much (staying grounded and self-sufficient, though). It's revelations like yours that remind me that every day can be JUST like yours, if I choose for it to be! My attitude today belongs to ME. Your post made me feel that moxy just now, so thanks!

And I'm so very happy for you, S.S.! Savor the moment, and just allow yourself to really feel that great all night long. If it's gone tomorrow, don't worry, cause you'll find it again. Then you'll remember how you got there and to just savor it again
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Old 02-29-2008, 06:59 PM
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Hope2BHappy

I didn't consciously think I deserved it, but on some level that must have been what was happening in my head, why else would I have put up with what I put up with? Literal years of INSANITY! I mean I consider myself to be an intelligent woman, I should know better and still I stayed even though the situation was of no benefit to me.

I'm just happy that today was a better day and even if the moment is fleeting I know they can and will happen more often.
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Old 02-29-2008, 08:35 PM
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I think you have done a wonderful job of overcoming such adversity. You deserve every good thing that comes your way.

Perhaps your situation was a greater benefit to you than you realize. I'm a believer that good comes out of bad. Look at the person you have become because of where you were. You are strong, self-assured, independent, and happy... just as your HP meant for you to be when he created you. We all want to be on the mountain top, but it's in the valleys we grow.

You've done a great job, and you have much to be proud of.
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Old 02-29-2008, 09:53 PM
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Good luck on the interview! That's very exciting.

Onward and upward! (Picture Mary Tyler Moore throwing her hat in the air "She's gonna make it after all!"

hugs
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Old 03-01-2008, 02:17 AM
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whether he figures it out or not doesn't matter much.
What does matter, it that you are figuring it out.
There is only one path to enlightenment... our own.
Wow, the new and improved you sounds pretty terrific
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