Miss Pink

Today I returned to court, where my ex husband was to deliver me a $750 check as ordered last week, or else go to jail for 30 days. Ever since the hearing last week in which he was found guilty of contempt, sentenced, but allowed to purge it with the payment, he has been a changed man.

He experienced a spiritual awakening, admitted to being dry, but not sober the last year since he went to rehab, took responsibility for alot of stuff, and pledged to make ammends and work the AA program instead of his.

Thats all good to HEAR, but to SEE it is what I will believe. None the less, he has taken effective action this week with seeing a therapist and following thru on other issues the court ordered.

So, today......Im thinking the hearing will be easy, we arent fueding at the moment, and its just going to be brief. Didnt know if he had the money or not, but seemed by his attitude he did.

I had no fear as I was wearing my BGP's (big girl panties) and had no testimony to give, just show up get the check, or see him go to jail. Nothing on my part to do.

I arrive, step off the elevator, say the serenity prayer, walk into the large waiting area, look around to see if he's there......only see 2 people, one was someone else belonging to another case, and the other.......

was his father.

OMG.... my big girl panties suddenly transformed themselves into an infant size pair of Pampers!

I suddenly felt intense fear, intimidation and panic. I sat down far away, but as still facing him. I thought the ex had brought him to scare me, intimdate me. He looks at me, I barely glance at him, say nothing. This man was like my father for 23 years, loved him, respected him. The last 4 years, he turned his back from me, our son, and totally enabled his son into deep, deep alcoholism. The man himself is alcoholic, so what else could I expect?

My ex walks out of the bathroom, passes right by me, says nothing. Hmmm, seems its ok to call me 100 this past week begging forgiveness, but in the court house, Im the enemy.

Im thinking he brought his father to drive his car back home if he is arrested, and boy if that happens, Im surely to be blamed. Ok, so what do I do?

I reached out for help..I texted on my cell 2 al-a-pals, asking them to pray for me and him, in case he goes to jail. I needed spiritual fortification to transform my Pampers back into my cute lil red g-string AKA: Big Girl Panties.
My friends reply with love and grace enough to make me relax some.

We sit in silence for 15 mins til the hearing is called.Go in, give judge report of his comliance on medical ins. matters, and she asks if he has money.

He does. Whips out 2 money orders for full amount. He gives to me, we are done.

He left before me, goes to the bathroom to give me time to exit first. Seems we cannot be in the same elevator for some reason. No matter, I leave. By now, my BGP's has reappeared, and I am wondering why I was even scared in the first place.

The answer is easy. Because I have been affected by the disease of alcoholism and it takes time to recover from emotional terroism.

As I drive home, I sent him a text saying thank you for the money. Dont know where that idea came from....oh yes I do.

God.

Thanks for listening.

Spiritual Seeker

All is well that ends well.
You're shining in your own recovery, my friend !

Mair

Miss Pink you did well girl!! Miss Pink and pampers dont mix!!! stick to ya BGP

Mairxx

Shivaya

Thank you for sharing this. My heart is racing so fast right now just from reading your post.

You are one strong/smart woman. Good for you!

Shivaya

Growing

I am loving this today Miss Pink. This is the stuff. Facing our fears while being afraid is true courage, IMHO. It takes time to recovery from emotional terrorism....AMEN We have been affected by the disease of alcoholism. We will have to deal with ourselves and others in similar situations like this. 2yrs ago I thought I was "recovered"....that just paved the way for my slip...now I realize I need daily awareness of my codie tendencies so that I do not act on them.

Kindeyes

Thank you for sharing this with us. You did GREAT!

hugs

peaceteach

That would have totally freaked me out too, Miss Pink. Great job texting the girls. Girls need girls sometimes!

Chrysalis123

You have a knack for writing! Thanks for sharing today because you helped me and many others.

SerenitySeaker

Ms. Pink,

Thank you for sharing this! This is a different version of so many experiences I have had with my AH. The anxiety and the fear practically overcoming me. Unfortunately for me most of my experiences did not turn out so well. But I am learning from story's like this that it doesn't always have to be that way.

You have done well!

denny57

Fantastic! I am still surprised sometimes that when something comes up related to my trial I can go into Pampers myself. Reaching out helps. Thanks for sharing.

Barbara52

I wish I could send this to you for inspiration as needed:

Image of big girl panties - Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Miss Pink

Thanks everyone...appreciate your support.

I often use the term "big girl panties" when I share at meetings. It describes the ability to face lifes challenges. The putting on of the panties is synonymous with instilling myself with courage in order to walk thru the fear and deal with lifes pitfalls.

I may have another interesting share later today as I am meeting face to face with my ex to discuss "unresolved" issues. He has made an amazing turn around in attitude and humility since last weeks court date. I intend to take advantage of it in order to enter into a repayment plan for the college money he stole from us. Dont know how sucessful I will be, he has no money, but he has future income and if he stays sober, I could get repaid, a day at a time.

I hope he has some big boy panties.....