what's holding me back?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: oh
Posts: 757
what's holding me back?
latee asked and it really got me thinking i need to face this and deal with it to have hope of moving on, okay, so...
right now it's like i am literaly standing/leaning over a cliff -looking over the edge (can't see the bottom so that's real scary)- holding my breathe- and wanting to jump - or on the edge of that diving board , wanting to jump SO bad, but trying to get the courage. if i don't inhale soon i'm going to turn blue!!!
what holds me back? fear, love, sense of commitment/obligation, guilt
i still have love for ah and i'm scared to leave him for a number of reasons
1) i feel like there's no turning back once it's done it's done
2) if he gets better he's a great guy and what if i miss out on that
3) what if no one ever loves me like he does or has? despite everything there is a lot of love there
4) fear of being alone
5) i don't like sleeping alone! i get nightmares and wake up scared - i always said the best part of being married was having someone there with you when you wake up scared from a nightmare- guess this doesn't really apply since ah isn't in bed with me all the time and i'm sleeping alone anyway (he still is in the house somewhere though)
6) sense of belonging to someone/something
7) i'm 35, the thought of starting over at this age terrifies me. i can't imagine the whole dating uncertainly of new relationships again
8) the fear of the heartbreak of losing someone/breaking up again
9) losing the security i have right now
10) material possessions/financial wealth i've inherited though marriage
11) i love my house! -can't imagine going back to an apartment.
12) feeling like a failure
13) guilt over not doing everything i could/ not loving ah enough to help him
14) guilt over not fullly committing to the marriage myself
15) i'm worried about the impression and affect me getting a divorce will have on my niece and nephews (they are my life) i don't want them damaged by it and don't know how i would explain it to them.
so, there's a start...anyone want to help me delve into these things and deal with them ... thanks
right now it's like i am literaly standing/leaning over a cliff -looking over the edge (can't see the bottom so that's real scary)- holding my breathe- and wanting to jump - or on the edge of that diving board , wanting to jump SO bad, but trying to get the courage. if i don't inhale soon i'm going to turn blue!!!
what holds me back? fear, love, sense of commitment/obligation, guilt
i still have love for ah and i'm scared to leave him for a number of reasons
1) i feel like there's no turning back once it's done it's done
2) if he gets better he's a great guy and what if i miss out on that
3) what if no one ever loves me like he does or has? despite everything there is a lot of love there
4) fear of being alone
5) i don't like sleeping alone! i get nightmares and wake up scared - i always said the best part of being married was having someone there with you when you wake up scared from a nightmare- guess this doesn't really apply since ah isn't in bed with me all the time and i'm sleeping alone anyway (he still is in the house somewhere though)
6) sense of belonging to someone/something
7) i'm 35, the thought of starting over at this age terrifies me. i can't imagine the whole dating uncertainly of new relationships again
8) the fear of the heartbreak of losing someone/breaking up again
9) losing the security i have right now
10) material possessions/financial wealth i've inherited though marriage
11) i love my house! -can't imagine going back to an apartment.
12) feeling like a failure
13) guilt over not doing everything i could/ not loving ah enough to help him
14) guilt over not fullly committing to the marriage myself
15) i'm worried about the impression and affect me getting a divorce will have on my niece and nephews (they are my life) i don't want them damaged by it and don't know how i would explain it to them.
so, there's a start...anyone want to help me delve into these things and deal with them ... thanks
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((hopeangel))
I think what you're feeling is perfectly normal. I'm not married, but about to move out of the family home to my own place, and am dealing with my own version of fear...will I be able to afford it, will I stay clean (since I'm a recovering addict), what happens if my car breaks down and I don't have dad's truck as a backup...I could go on and on.
I, for one, am highly resistant to change, even when it's good for me. It's only after I've banged my head against the wall in a certain situation for long enough, that I'll finally walk through the fears.
For me, I had to break down all the fears and look realistically at them...turns out that most of them are just "what if's" and I can stay stuck in the same place forever, if I let them hold me back.
So, no great words of advice....I just know how you feel. I've just finally had enough of the situation I'm in now, that I'm ready to change. I'm still a little anxious about it, but the only way to deal with the fear of the unknown is just to walk through it.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I think what you're feeling is perfectly normal. I'm not married, but about to move out of the family home to my own place, and am dealing with my own version of fear...will I be able to afford it, will I stay clean (since I'm a recovering addict), what happens if my car breaks down and I don't have dad's truck as a backup...I could go on and on.
I, for one, am highly resistant to change, even when it's good for me. It's only after I've banged my head against the wall in a certain situation for long enough, that I'll finally walk through the fears.
For me, I had to break down all the fears and look realistically at them...turns out that most of them are just "what if's" and I can stay stuck in the same place forever, if I let them hold me back.
So, no great words of advice....I just know how you feel. I've just finally had enough of the situation I'm in now, that I'm ready to change. I'm still a little anxious about it, but the only way to deal with the fear of the unknown is just to walk through it.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: oh
Posts: 757
thanks
impurrfect, your words did help a lot!
i forgot to add to the list - not knowing if i can afford it especially if i end up having to pay the morgage on the house - i know i will have to pay for two places soo.
i did open a savings account finally to set some money aside which is a start and i should have done it a long time ago.
i forgot to add to the list - not knowing if i can afford it especially if i end up having to pay the morgage on the house - i know i will have to pay for two places soo.
i did open a savings account finally to set some money aside which is a start and i should have done it a long time ago.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: MO
Posts: 56
oh hope...I read that honey and I have felt the same way...many times over the years. What I had to do with my list was see it the way it truly is...for instance:
1. Seperating does not have to be permanent...nothing in life is permanent but death...and even then..do we really know?
2. IF he gets better is a big question! IF he does and if you love him...you have the right to change your mind! What is healthy for you?
3. Is it the kind of love you desire? If you are unhappy and you question your life now? And you are beautiful...you can find happiness within yourself and others will see your beauty for what it really is.
4. Being alone is scary...but being miserable will most likely hurt you to your soul. Changes are hard...but you are strong!
5. As you said..he usually isn't in bed...and maybe sometimes not there at all. Is it possible your nightmares are related to your unhappiness? They may fade but you are strong!
6. You will belong to yourself..one of the most exhilerating feelings I am finally feeling now! The possiblities for you are endless!
7. This is scary!! You can do it...if that is what you desire...all of your great traits reveal themselves to others. Life is full of uncertainty..but you are strong!
8. I think our fears reveal themselves so much more when we are uncertain and living with chaos. Doors will open...fresh air and change will float in. We will continue to be hurt throughout life..but you can manage the hurt.
9. What are your definitions of security? Do you feel secure now...when you lift the cloud and take a close look...I was surprised at my own idea of security and realizing the security was not what I thought it was.
10. Money makes the world go round....but what is the PRICE?
1. Seperating does not have to be permanent...nothing in life is permanent but death...and even then..do we really know?
2. IF he gets better is a big question! IF he does and if you love him...you have the right to change your mind! What is healthy for you?
3. Is it the kind of love you desire? If you are unhappy and you question your life now? And you are beautiful...you can find happiness within yourself and others will see your beauty for what it really is.
4. Being alone is scary...but being miserable will most likely hurt you to your soul. Changes are hard...but you are strong!
5. As you said..he usually isn't in bed...and maybe sometimes not there at all. Is it possible your nightmares are related to your unhappiness? They may fade but you are strong!
6. You will belong to yourself..one of the most exhilerating feelings I am finally feeling now! The possiblities for you are endless!
7. This is scary!! You can do it...if that is what you desire...all of your great traits reveal themselves to others. Life is full of uncertainty..but you are strong!
8. I think our fears reveal themselves so much more when we are uncertain and living with chaos. Doors will open...fresh air and change will float in. We will continue to be hurt throughout life..but you can manage the hurt.
9. What are your definitions of security? Do you feel secure now...when you lift the cloud and take a close look...I was surprised at my own idea of security and realizing the security was not what I thought it was.
10. Money makes the world go round....but what is the PRICE?
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 902
WOW! You sound like me.
The one that sticks out for me is being 35 and starting over. I am now 35 and have just left my xabf. I was with him for 3.5 years and the night he confessed his drinking problem to me was actually the night I thought I was getting an engagement ring. He had been working with one of my friends on this and I found the paperwork for one of the diamonds he was looking at. I can't explain what is was like to go from total excitement to the big kick in the gut I got.
I, like you, thought all this dating stuff was behind me. I had found my soul mate! We certainly had our ups and downs, but nothing I didn't think I could get through. Now that I know why we had those ups and downs, it makes it easier to try to move on.
Anyway, I gave mine 7 months to get into AA and start his recovery. I didn't state a dealine to him, but this is how long it took for me to realize he was just manipulating me. He lied at least 4 times that I know of regarding his drinking. His family even chimmed in on the lie about him getting help. I just couldn't take it anymore. So, I had to face the possiblity that I would have to press the reset button and start over. There are actually a lot of benefits to that...
1) I have hope that I will find someone who will meet my needs in the relationship just as I will meet theirs.
2) I can find someone who won't lie to me. THAT'S HUGE because I was lied to for 3 years about his alcoholism.
3) I could start over now at 35, or I can beat my head against the wall for another 3.5 years, when I will be 39, then worry about starting over at 39.
4) I can spend time with myself and find out why I picked an alcoholic. It wasn't just him lying to me. I'm sure on some level there were things I didn't want to see.
5) I can focus on myself for a change instead of him.
6) I won't be going into a marriage that would be sure to fail if he continues to drink.
7) I won't bring kids into a chaotic alcoholic home.
8) I WON'T BE LIVING IN DENIAL FOR ANOTHER MINUTE ABOUT THE SITUATION.
I have watched a friend marry a man she doesn't truly love, but he's "good on paper." Guess what...she's miserable and has had affairs (one physical, one emotional) in just the three years they have been married. Sure, she doesn't work, travels, and has a great life. But at what price? I watched another friend marry a man she has know for some time is an alcoholic and/or drug abuser. Instead of getting into recovery and not drinking (he's slowed down), he is dealing with the "root" of the problem...his depression (which is a load of crap, buy the way) in therapy. She has chosen to sweep all of his irrational behavior under the rug or explain it away based on his difficulty dealing with his childhood issues and "depression."
I have often worried that at 35 no one will want me. I am also worried I won't have kids because of my age. I find myself thinking less and less about this. I would rather be single and have hope than tied to an alcoholic that refuses to do anything about it.
The one that sticks out for me is being 35 and starting over. I am now 35 and have just left my xabf. I was with him for 3.5 years and the night he confessed his drinking problem to me was actually the night I thought I was getting an engagement ring. He had been working with one of my friends on this and I found the paperwork for one of the diamonds he was looking at. I can't explain what is was like to go from total excitement to the big kick in the gut I got.
I, like you, thought all this dating stuff was behind me. I had found my soul mate! We certainly had our ups and downs, but nothing I didn't think I could get through. Now that I know why we had those ups and downs, it makes it easier to try to move on.
Anyway, I gave mine 7 months to get into AA and start his recovery. I didn't state a dealine to him, but this is how long it took for me to realize he was just manipulating me. He lied at least 4 times that I know of regarding his drinking. His family even chimmed in on the lie about him getting help. I just couldn't take it anymore. So, I had to face the possiblity that I would have to press the reset button and start over. There are actually a lot of benefits to that...
1) I have hope that I will find someone who will meet my needs in the relationship just as I will meet theirs.
2) I can find someone who won't lie to me. THAT'S HUGE because I was lied to for 3 years about his alcoholism.
3) I could start over now at 35, or I can beat my head against the wall for another 3.5 years, when I will be 39, then worry about starting over at 39.
4) I can spend time with myself and find out why I picked an alcoholic. It wasn't just him lying to me. I'm sure on some level there were things I didn't want to see.
5) I can focus on myself for a change instead of him.
6) I won't be going into a marriage that would be sure to fail if he continues to drink.
7) I won't bring kids into a chaotic alcoholic home.
8) I WON'T BE LIVING IN DENIAL FOR ANOTHER MINUTE ABOUT THE SITUATION.
I have watched a friend marry a man she doesn't truly love, but he's "good on paper." Guess what...she's miserable and has had affairs (one physical, one emotional) in just the three years they have been married. Sure, she doesn't work, travels, and has a great life. But at what price? I watched another friend marry a man she has know for some time is an alcoholic and/or drug abuser. Instead of getting into recovery and not drinking (he's slowed down), he is dealing with the "root" of the problem...his depression (which is a load of crap, buy the way) in therapy. She has chosen to sweep all of his irrational behavior under the rug or explain it away based on his difficulty dealing with his childhood issues and "depression."
I have often worried that at 35 no one will want me. I am also worried I won't have kids because of my age. I find myself thinking less and less about this. I would rather be single and have hope than tied to an alcoholic that refuses to do anything about it.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: MO
Posts: 56
I cut off my post...ekkk
My point is....what price do you have to pay for your "security"? Is it really security or the definition you have been living with? I really had to do some soul searching to answer this one...
Be gentle with yourself...and know that we are all here with you, thinking of you...supporting you!
g
My point is....what price do you have to pay for your "security"? Is it really security or the definition you have been living with? I really had to do some soul searching to answer this one...
Be gentle with yourself...and know that we are all here with you, thinking of you...supporting you!
g
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((hope)))
I forgot to mention that I spent 20 (yes, 20) years involved with an alcoholic, mainly because I thought being with him was better than being alone. My entire world was wrapped up in him. Now, I look back on it and wonder what the heck I was thinking to wait that long to get out of the situation. From him, I went to the guy who introduced me to crack, and from him to the now XABF who just got locked up again.
I'm taking time for me....to figure out why I think I deserve men like this. Yes, it's hard, but it's worth it!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I forgot to mention that I spent 20 (yes, 20) years involved with an alcoholic, mainly because I thought being with him was better than being alone. My entire world was wrapped up in him. Now, I look back on it and wonder what the heck I was thinking to wait that long to get out of the situation. From him, I went to the guy who introduced me to crack, and from him to the now XABF who just got locked up again.
I'm taking time for me....to figure out why I think I deserve men like this. Yes, it's hard, but it's worth it!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Idaho
Posts: 47
Hi hope,
I'm in nearly the same situation (I turn 35 this summer), so all the reasons you listed seem to be coming straight out of my journal. I don't have any answers to these, just want to let you know that you're not alone in this. I keep trying to remind myself that if I truly love him, I may have to give him up so a higher power can get to work on him. That I may have to get out of the way and let him experience the consequences of his life choices. It's definitely not easy to even think about much less do.
I think gjfc3 and NYC_Chick really have a good line on this. The answers listed are a great start.
I have feared many things in my life (heights, moving to a new town by myself, going to grad school, losing my parents). But I remember that the worst part of the experience was the fear. Actually doing it was never as bad as the fear I had in my mind. Fear is the big paralyzer. If it helps, I always try to focus on taking baby steps (anyone remember the movie "what about bob"?). That helps.
Keep working at it. You have my support. :ghug3
I'm in nearly the same situation (I turn 35 this summer), so all the reasons you listed seem to be coming straight out of my journal. I don't have any answers to these, just want to let you know that you're not alone in this. I keep trying to remind myself that if I truly love him, I may have to give him up so a higher power can get to work on him. That I may have to get out of the way and let him experience the consequences of his life choices. It's definitely not easy to even think about much less do.
I think gjfc3 and NYC_Chick really have a good line on this. The answers listed are a great start.
I have feared many things in my life (heights, moving to a new town by myself, going to grad school, losing my parents). But I remember that the worst part of the experience was the fear. Actually doing it was never as bad as the fear I had in my mind. Fear is the big paralyzer. If it helps, I always try to focus on taking baby steps (anyone remember the movie "what about bob"?). That helps.
Keep working at it. You have my support. :ghug3
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Join Date: Jun 2007
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Posts: 1,301
Originally Posted by hopeangel 
2) if he gets better he's a great guy and what if i miss out on that
4) fear of being alone
6) sense of belonging to someone/something
7) i'm 35, the thought of starting over at this age terrifies me. i can't imagine the whole dating uncertainly of new relationships again
8) the fear of the heartbreak of losing someone/breaking up again
4) fear of being alone
6) sense of belonging to someone/something
7) i'm 35, the thought of starting over at this age terrifies me. i can't imagine the whole dating uncertainly of new relationships again
8) the fear of the heartbreak of losing someone/breaking up again
These 5 really stuck out to me as i felt the same exact way. Mine quit drinking and i would always think/say, "oh great, now he's getting better for someone else from all MY help"......NOT THE CASE AT ALL, HE'S WORSE NOW.
Being alone is a tough one, i agree, i think the being alone feeling is temporary because you get into a new groove and things have a way of working out better than before. You won't be alone, i'm sure friends and family would be right there
. Belonging is a nice feeling and i loved feeling a part of something, but we could belong to someone who respects and treats us the way we should be treated.
OH boy do i hear you on the starting over thing, it took me 8 years to find him, and i think that was my problem, the feeling of not finding someone. I'm 33 and felt that way, but you know what, in the grand scheme of things we are very very young to start over again. Believe me i know about the dating scene but i have to say i think it could be more difficult later on.
And the feear of heartache, YUP biggy for me, have that feeling of can't go through this again, i know.
Although i wasn't married, i feel EXACTLY the way you do with your list. You are such a wonderful person/friend and you do deserve the best, not to mention a spring chicken
I'm so happy your sounding so strong today.
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Dixie
Posts: 612
I think your list contains valid reasons. The decision to move on should be yours, alone. We can share our experiences with you, but we can't tell you what is best for you.
As far as this one...
The only final decision is suicide.
As far as this one...
Originally Posted by hopeangel
1) i feel like there's no turning back once it's done it's done
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: California
Posts: 303
Hopeangel,
I can relate to many of your fears. Is it worth it for me to let all the inmaterial and material things go? Is it worth it for me to continue in a relationship where I am not being loved as I feel I should? These are tough questions, ones I wish I did not have to ask myself, but I do.
-I know of a couple that divorced (for reasons other than alcohol abuse), lived apart for more than 2 years, and then remarried one another. It happens!
-You can stay with him, work on your recovery, while supporting him in his, and then IF he gets better, you'll have him!
-Fear of being alone. Do you have family/close friends nearby?
-You are not a failure as long as you've tried everything possible within your power.
-I know you know this, but there is nothing in this world that you could do to "help" him stop his drinking. Remember, he has to want it/do it for himself. I'm sure you've given all the love/care that you possibly could. I know for myself, it's impossible to love completely someone who is passed out drunk most nights.
I've not been happy in my marriage for a long time. I've ignored it. Now I'm done ignoring it. I'm done being an enabler. I'm done being co-dependant. I don't want to go back to these behaviors. I am trying my best with the info I get here, al-anon and counselor, to get through all this mucky-muck. If I don't do the work on me now, then when will I do it? No better time like the present.
You are not alone in your concerns/thoughts. Do something special for yourself today that brings a smile to your face!
Shivaya
I can relate to many of your fears. Is it worth it for me to let all the inmaterial and material things go? Is it worth it for me to continue in a relationship where I am not being loved as I feel I should? These are tough questions, ones I wish I did not have to ask myself, but I do.
-I know of a couple that divorced (for reasons other than alcohol abuse), lived apart for more than 2 years, and then remarried one another. It happens!
-You can stay with him, work on your recovery, while supporting him in his, and then IF he gets better, you'll have him!
-Fear of being alone. Do you have family/close friends nearby?
-You are not a failure as long as you've tried everything possible within your power.
-I know you know this, but there is nothing in this world that you could do to "help" him stop his drinking. Remember, he has to want it/do it for himself. I'm sure you've given all the love/care that you possibly could. I know for myself, it's impossible to love completely someone who is passed out drunk most nights.
I've not been happy in my marriage for a long time. I've ignored it. Now I'm done ignoring it. I'm done being an enabler. I'm done being co-dependant. I don't want to go back to these behaviors. I am trying my best with the info I get here, al-anon and counselor, to get through all this mucky-muck. If I don't do the work on me now, then when will I do it? No better time like the present.
You are not alone in your concerns/thoughts. Do something special for yourself today that brings a smile to your face!
Shivaya
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
I can only speak for myself here and I can't give you any advice. Only you know your limitations. For me, when the need to stay sane and get out of the situation exceeded my fear......I got out.
gentle hugs as you struggle with these difficult decisions.
gentle hugs as you struggle with these difficult decisions.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: oh
Posts: 757
count one fear being faced today today is a good day everyone!!!
you know what i thought this seperation would be hard and it's not as hard as i thought it would be. i made it through last night. there are moments of being lonely and sad, but i can breathe and these moments fleetng and are overcome by a great sense of freedom.
HUGE for me today, ah just called (after leaving for texas without a goodbye) leaving me a message "i just called to see what was going on" - i did not call him-did not want to, have know urge to, absolutely none! i'm not even wondering what he is doing or up to? amazing. this really is new for me. instead, i just sent him a quick text saying "everything is fine" to be polite - that is it. i really do want no contact.
and hey, the monsters arn't soo scary when you finally put light on them and face them head on
only thing, now i am dreading him coming home. i don't want him to. i don't want to have to go through this withdrawel again. i want it to be done.not sure how to handle that and i am not sure i will be this strong when he comes home and i have to face him face to face...? so now i'm scared of that.
today is a good day everyone!!!you know what i thought this seperation would be hard and it's not as hard as i thought it would be. i made it through last night. there are moments of being lonely and sad, but i can breathe and these moments fleetng and are overcome by a great sense of freedom.
HUGE for me today, ah just called (after leaving for texas without a goodbye) leaving me a message "i just called to see what was going on" - i did not call him-did not want to, have know urge to, absolutely none! i'm not even wondering what he is doing or up to? amazing. this really is new for me. instead, i just sent him a quick text saying "everything is fine" to be polite - that is it. i really do want no contact.
and hey, the monsters arn't soo scary when you finally put light on them and face them head on
only thing, now i am dreading him coming home. i don't want him to. i don't want to have to go through this withdrawel again. i want it to be done.not sure how to handle that and i am not sure i will be this strong when he comes home and i have to face him face to face...? so now i'm scared of that.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Idaho
Posts: 47
Good for you. The monsters really aren't that big when we shine a light on them at all. 
Something I'm going to have to remember myself.
You've accomplished a ton! Keep that in mind. You found the strength you needed to get this far, you'll find the strength to keep going. But dear HP I know that feeling of dread. Had it tonight myself when I had to leave work and come home to my AH and his buddy. But I've made it through tonight (AH is upstairs passed out) and I'm ok.
Enjoy this time you have without him. Live every moment and when the time comes you'll have that to remind you how good it can be without the dread, the fear and the chaos.
Love to you.
Something I'm going to have to remember myself.You've accomplished a ton! Keep that in mind. You found the strength you needed to get this far, you'll find the strength to keep going. But dear HP I know that feeling of dread. Had it tonight myself when I had to leave work and come home to my AH and his buddy. But I've made it through tonight (AH is upstairs passed out) and I'm ok.
Enjoy this time you have without him. Live every moment and when the time comes you'll have that to remind you how good it can be without the dread, the fear and the chaos.
Love to you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: oh
Posts: 757
advice - okay, so i did great last night. i thought it was really good how i handled his phone call. doing great again today, BUT...
he just called and left another message asking how everything was going.....
humm, guess he didn't get the hint from the fact that i didn't call him back last night and just texted him everything's fine that i didn't want to talk to him. so,....now what?
do i send another text? i never specified that i didn't want any contact because i never got the chance before he left.
do i just ignore the call? do i text back once again everything's fine or do i text telling him that i want this time without contact?
i really don't want to talk to him!!! but don't know how to handle it.
he just called and left another message asking how everything was going.....
humm, guess he didn't get the hint from the fact that i didn't call him back last night and just texted him everything's fine that i didn't want to talk to him. so,....now what?
do i send another text? i never specified that i didn't want any contact because i never got the chance before he left.
do i just ignore the call? do i text back once again everything's fine or do i text telling him that i want this time without contact?
i really don't want to talk to him!!! but don't know how to handle it.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Missouri
Posts: 261
[QUOTE] keep trying to remind myself that if I truly love him, I may have to give him up so a higher power can get to work on him[/QUOTE
This is a great way to think. SOmetimes letting go is hard but has to be done.
I love my xabf sooo much and want for him to live a good life and if that means letting go of him in order for him to do that then I guess that is what has to be done. I know that with me as his security blanket he did not have to do a lot of work for himself....he had it pretty easy. I always somehow bailed him out of situations and I always was sooo forgiving....well after yelling and screaming at him(which I now see does not do a darn thing)
This is a great way to think. SOmetimes letting go is hard but has to be done.
I love my xabf sooo much and want for him to live a good life and if that means letting go of him in order for him to do that then I guess that is what has to be done. I know that with me as his security blanket he did not have to do a lot of work for himself....he had it pretty easy. I always somehow bailed him out of situations and I always was sooo forgiving....well after yelling and screaming at him(which I now see does not do a darn thing)
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