Toomutch

Have any of you done the 12 steps without attending meetings? Wondering if I am kidding myself...I am currently working the 1st step but have not attended a meeting yet. As long as I work the steps, it seems like the program might work.

tanyapmc

I personally had to have someone in the program take me through the steps. It may be possible without going to meetings. Do you mind telling us why you don't want to go to the meetings?

Toomutch

Thanks for asking? For one I am scared, secondly I take a while to warm up to others and them to me and thirdly I'm tired and depressed and it's all I can do to go to work.

Astro

OK, by what I understand a long, long, time ago there were people who couldn't easily make it to meetings, their locations or careers made it very difficult. They were the "loners" of AA. They read the Big Book and did the Steps as suggested and many of them stayed sober. So yes, I guess it's possible.

Would I recommend not going to meetings and not having a face-to-face sponsor? Absolutely not. Meetings are everywhere nowadays, so there's no excuse for not going, getting a sponsor, and getting the gift of recovery that's freely available to all of us. Besides, there's so much to be gained from other members of AA and the Fellowship.

In fact, in a few minutes I'll be leaving for my nightly meeting. I'll get there early and do some service work, and still have time to share with other alcoholics before the meeting. And when I leave to go home I'll be peaceful and satisfied. Why would I want to miss out on that? For the last three years I haven't had the desire to miss a moment of everything a meeting has to offer.

How about trying a few meetings at the very least, rather than questioning whether you need to go or not?

resistra

The meeting isn't really a get together social type event for social purposes with all the hangups of one - it's a thing to set you on your way to helping you to solve a problem.

Remember everybody's got the same issue, and everyone has had the initial fear of going. Just go, play dumb, and you never know. You just might like it.

JPat

Toomutch - I don't go to AA - but I do know that trying to stop drinking on my own is the hardest thing I've ever done. At times in my life I have done it - but staying sober without support is brutal.
Do you have any type of friend/family/sponsor support system?

Toomutch

Jen,

I have a very supportive family and a few close friends that are supportive. I think they will be holding their breath for awhile, they have all been trying to convince me for awhile now to stop drinking.

JPat

Well, doing the steps at home and having family and friends you can talk to sounds like a good plan! Everyone is different, and so are their methods of recovery.

Sending supportive thoughts your way!

Mattcake

Toomutch, I don't go to meetings either. The idea of going to one makes me nervous (I guess everyone gets nervous the 1st few times). I'm working the steps on my own, reading the Big Book and other books on the subject, and posting here helps a lot. I go to therapy, also very helpful. But I can see myself going to meetings eventually - not too late I hope. I've been sober for a week.

Matt

best

and those are the reasons why you should go to meetings and work the steps with a sponsor. The above issues will be part of your learning that you will get past by working the steps with someone who has been through them.

Anna

Hi,

There are many different recovery methods and I think you should do whatever works for you.

For me, it takes working at it every day. I need to keep balance in my life - physical, mental and spiritual.

gravity

Hi Toomuch,

My experience - I have been attending about one AA meeting a week since December. I have a sponsor. I have just finished step 4. I also have very supportive family members. They offer encouragement and are there for me when I am troubled - this support is very important to my recovery but it is not complete. What they can't nearly grasp (they really try) is what I am going through as an alcoholic.

This is where AA and in particular my sponsor comes in. I have been better able to understand and work through the first 4 steps. The one on one talks we have are incredible - he fully gets what I am going through and gives me such strong advice. While I was nervous at first about attending AA meetings, I was fine after about 3 or 4. It's really nice to be around people who understand. I have not really developed any kind of AA network mainly because I can't attend many meetings. I wish I had more time to develop this network but my family needs me most nights of the week (wife needs a break, kids' practices) or I am working.

While I think that I could work through the 12 steps on my own, it would be somewhat frustrating and I believe I am doing a much better job with my sponsors guidance. Perhaps if you had another alcoholic (preferably one with AA experience) to talk to and guide you?

Congratulations for taking such positive steps. I am also a firm believer that everyone's recovery is unique & I am just offering my own experiences so far! Best wishes!

Rusty Zipper

too much... all of the above...

also, its a good place to meet another person wanting to, or in need of getting sober...

way better then jails, institutions, asylums ect... as was done way back when, although, we stil do it today...

why you may ask...?

because, we have to give what we have back, in order to keep it...!

Step 12

good wishes toomuch...

rz

Dee74

I did the 12 steps on my own...never hurt me none. But looking back I can see that the experience could have been more beneficial bouncing things off someone else...provided that was the right someone.

I agree with Anna - find something that works for you and do it

D

Mattcake

Dee, could you elaborate on how exactly you did the steps? I've gathered that skimming through them isn't exactly the same as working them, lol. I found some help in the steps subforum and in a couple of books, but I'm just curious about your experience. pleeeease??

Matt

ps. or anyone else who went solo for that matter. Growing closer to attending my first meeting, but i'm still curious.

David 1

I was scared at first too - but I found out that for me attending meetings was a big part in accepting that I am alcoholic.

It took about three meetings to start to understand that there are other people out there that have gone though similar problems and can offer a lot of wisdom. I would say try to go to a few meetings - What harm could it do? And you might find that it is another support system for you. Don't forget, you have a lot to offer as well!

Dave

CarolD

For anyone interested in what happens in AA meetings

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-about-aa.html

Also... there is also a Step Study going on.
Why not it out?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/step-study/

You too can recover!

Pilgrim

Hi Dee!! You sly dog. You never told me you did the steps!!

Y'know 2much - When I was drinking I wanted to be alone. I hated the thought of social contact or having to make the effort of interacting with humans. I even hated my phone. Looking back I thought that is what I wanted but really it was such a lonely time.

I am still shy and find it hard to make friends but that is ok. Small steps are fine.

As I got sober by coming to SR, I realised that it was the alcohol that wanted me to be isolated. Alcoholism doesn't do so well in sober company. And I found such good friendship here I got the courage to go to a meeting.

Also, when I read the big book on my own, not much of it made any sense. Partly because my brain was fogged and partly because my alcoholic thinking made me want to spot the differences. If I didn't drink exactly as the authors described, my mind told me I didn't have a problem. So I drank again.

I think you are clever and honest and I think you will work out whether or not you need meetings. Asking for help is our first big step towards recovery. I found that hard and still do. Meetings are full of people who are like us and find it hard to warm up to others.

Step one is that my life is unmanageable. If I admit that then I also admit that I need to ask for help to manage. Step five includes another human being as well and as Rusty said, Step 12 is when you help others recover.

Let us know if you have any questions about the book ok?

nogard

the steps and I can't but 'we' can