Language of Letting Go - February 28
Nature Girl
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Language of Letting Go - February 28
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Letting Go of Denial
We are slow to believe that which, if believed, would hurt our feelings.
--Ovid
Most of us in recovery have engaged in denial from time to time. Some of us relied on this tool.
We may have denied events or feelings from our past. We may have denied other people's problems; we may have denied our own problems, feelings, thoughts, wants, or needs. We denied the truth.
Denial means we didn't let ourselves face reality, usually because facing that particular reality would hurt. It would be a loss of something: trust, love, family, perhaps a marriage, a friendship, or a dream. And it hurts to lose something or someone.
Denial is a protective device, a shock absorber for the soul. It prevents us from acknowledging reality until we feel prepared to cope with that particular reality. People can shout and scream the truth at us, but we will not see or hear it until we are ready.
We are sturdy yet fragile beings. Sometimes, we need time to get prepared, time to ready ourselves to cope. We do not let go of our need to deny by beating ourselves into acceptance; we let go of our need to deny by allowing ourselves to become safe and strong enough to cope with the truth.
We will do this, when the time is right. We do not need to punish ourselves for having denied reality; we need only love ourselves into safety and strength so that each day we are better equipped to face and deal with the truth. We will face and deal with reality - on our own time schedule, when we are ready, and in our Higher Power's timing. We do not have to accept chastisement from anyone, including ourselves, for this schedule.
We will know what we need to know, when it's time to know it.
Today, I will concentrate on making myself feel safe and confident. I will let myself have my awarenesses on my own time schedule.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Letting Go of Denial
We are slow to believe that which, if believed, would hurt our feelings.
--Ovid
Most of us in recovery have engaged in denial from time to time. Some of us relied on this tool.
We may have denied events or feelings from our past. We may have denied other people's problems; we may have denied our own problems, feelings, thoughts, wants, or needs. We denied the truth.
Denial means we didn't let ourselves face reality, usually because facing that particular reality would hurt. It would be a loss of something: trust, love, family, perhaps a marriage, a friendship, or a dream. And it hurts to lose something or someone.
Denial is a protective device, a shock absorber for the soul. It prevents us from acknowledging reality until we feel prepared to cope with that particular reality. People can shout and scream the truth at us, but we will not see or hear it until we are ready.
We are sturdy yet fragile beings. Sometimes, we need time to get prepared, time to ready ourselves to cope. We do not let go of our need to deny by beating ourselves into acceptance; we let go of our need to deny by allowing ourselves to become safe and strong enough to cope with the truth.
We will do this, when the time is right. We do not need to punish ourselves for having denied reality; we need only love ourselves into safety and strength so that each day we are better equipped to face and deal with the truth. We will face and deal with reality - on our own time schedule, when we are ready, and in our Higher Power's timing. We do not have to accept chastisement from anyone, including ourselves, for this schedule.
We will know what we need to know, when it's time to know it.
Today, I will concentrate on making myself feel safe and confident. I will let myself have my awarenesses on my own time schedule.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
We are sturdy yet fragile beings. Sometimes, we need time to get prepared, time to ready ourselves to cope. We do not let go of our need to deny by beating ourselves into acceptance; we let go of our need to deny by allowing ourselves to become safe and strong enough to cope with the truth.
We will do this, when the time is right. We do not need to punish ourselves for having denied reality; we need only love ourselves into safety and strength so that each day we are better equipped to face and deal with the truth. We will face and deal with reality - on our own time schedule, when we are ready, and in our Higher Power's timing. We do not have to accept chastisement from anyone, including ourselves, for this schedule.
We will do this, when the time is right. We do not need to punish ourselves for having denied reality; we need only love ourselves into safety and strength so that each day we are better equipped to face and deal with the truth. We will face and deal with reality - on our own time schedule, when we are ready, and in our Higher Power's timing. We do not have to accept chastisement from anyone, including ourselves, for this schedule.
I think that if I had known the whole truth at the beginning, I might have been so overwhelmed that what was left of my fragile emotions would have finally just cracked.
Recovery brought me through the process, building courage and strength along the way so that as denial began to fade and reality became clear, I was now prepared to handle it all with the help of my support group, and by the grace of God.
It isn't pretty, this truth we must face, and some days it just sucks to be us, but together we can do what we cannot do alone and the journey becomes more bearable when we walk together sharing our light.
Hugs
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
I often remember the same, Ann - that when I was new I was so overwhelmed and overcome by FEAR that I was only able to face a little bit of my reality at a time. It's our very nature, as codependents, to deny our own feelings at the expense of other people.
And, I remember one of the things my angel sponsor used to tell me when she thought I was in denial about something :
her definition of an Al Anon in hell? "It's not hot and I'm not here."
And, I remember one of the things my angel sponsor used to tell me when she thought I was in denial about something :
her definition of an Al Anon in hell? "It's not hot and I'm not here."
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