Hellow my fellow bretheren
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: north texas
Posts: 38
Hellow my fellow bretheren
I wanted to tell you a little story about my life and what I have been going through. I am sure it's not different than any of the rest of you but it's special to me and since my family can't understand, I thought this might be the best outlet.
A few years ago, I was practiciing martial arts with my stepdad (world martial arts hall of famer). During a throw, I landed on my neck and, well, mess up a LOT of stuff in my neck and back.
I went to see a pain specialist who loaded me up with all kinds of narchoticcs. From Fentynl to oxy, methadone, to hydo and more. This went on for about a year, until I lost my insurance.
So now I am going through what so many of you have and are going through.
Never in my life have I been depended on anything, so this a new experience for me. I have even considered suicide to eliviate these symptoms (sorry about my typing, still can't think straight).
But, I wanted to tell you about the one thing so far that has helped, AT ALL. I hadn't sleept for 6 days straight and ended up back in the ER for the 4th time in a week. And of course, the could do nothing about anything other that say "we can't help you, have a nice day". I think the biggest problem is that unless THEY experience how severe this realy is, the have no idea how to help.
Finally, I mustered up the $600 to go to addiction specialist who gave me two options. Either go on methadone therapy, or get enough hard-core tranquilizers to sleep throught the pain. Since I had ZERO want to hit up the methadone again, I chose the tranqs. When I got home, I fell asleep and slept for 3 solid days. Now I know I am not out of the woods yet, I do feel about 90% better, just a little foggy upstairs.
My biggest problem is that my wife just can't understand what I am going through. I don't think she could unless whe went through it too. She's threatining to leave and I am at my wits end. If she leaves, all Ihave done is for not and I feel I would be better off dead and gone.
I have to go back to work, but as foggy as I feel, I just don't think I can. Please, you all have been through this. Please help me.
A few years ago, I was practiciing martial arts with my stepdad (world martial arts hall of famer). During a throw, I landed on my neck and, well, mess up a LOT of stuff in my neck and back.
I went to see a pain specialist who loaded me up with all kinds of narchoticcs. From Fentynl to oxy, methadone, to hydo and more. This went on for about a year, until I lost my insurance.
So now I am going through what so many of you have and are going through.
Never in my life have I been depended on anything, so this a new experience for me. I have even considered suicide to eliviate these symptoms (sorry about my typing, still can't think straight).
But, I wanted to tell you about the one thing so far that has helped, AT ALL. I hadn't sleept for 6 days straight and ended up back in the ER for the 4th time in a week. And of course, the could do nothing about anything other that say "we can't help you, have a nice day". I think the biggest problem is that unless THEY experience how severe this realy is, the have no idea how to help.
Finally, I mustered up the $600 to go to addiction specialist who gave me two options. Either go on methadone therapy, or get enough hard-core tranquilizers to sleep throught the pain. Since I had ZERO want to hit up the methadone again, I chose the tranqs. When I got home, I fell asleep and slept for 3 solid days. Now I know I am not out of the woods yet, I do feel about 90% better, just a little foggy upstairs.
My biggest problem is that my wife just can't understand what I am going through. I don't think she could unless whe went through it too. She's threatining to leave and I am at my wits end. If she leaves, all Ihave done is for not and I feel I would be better off dead and gone.
I have to go back to work, but as foggy as I feel, I just don't think I can. Please, you all have been through this. Please help me.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
Hello Simmion -
Welcome to SR.
I have NOT been through the level you're describing.
I am an alcoholic who had, on the SIDE,
an addiciton to morphine/oxy/prettymuchanythingIcouldgetattheend... so I know about the ground glass in all your joints, I know about the sweating, sick, wanting to die feeling, I know about the 'it's never going to end' feeling ...
and I know about NA.
I also know about detox centers.
And I know there's a lot OF them in Texas.
And there is a LOT and LOT of financial alternatives available.
I also know that unless your wife is an addict ...
she's not going to be ABLE to understand any of what you're experiencing.
This is going to be an 'adventure' you're going to both have to experience.
Adventures are never fun ... when they are happening.
That's how you know you're having one.
I recommend that you read the Stickies at the top of the Substance abuse forums.
Also maybe go to the home page, and read about recovery programs in your area - there's probably even a pain recovery program in your area of texas?
We are here to support each other, to help where and how ever we can.
My first suggestion is to read this website from beginning to end,
to click al links, to answer every email and PM, and hitch every link.
You will then be one educated ... uh, guy.
Hang out with us when you feel shaky.
We'll laugh with you, we engcourage each other,
we stay strong because we've been through it all together.
We dont shoot our wounded.
Again - welcome.
Welcome to SR.
I have NOT been through the level you're describing.
I am an alcoholic who had, on the SIDE,
an addiciton to morphine/oxy/prettymuchanythingIcouldgetattheend... so I know about the ground glass in all your joints, I know about the sweating, sick, wanting to die feeling, I know about the 'it's never going to end' feeling ...
and I know about NA.
I also know about detox centers.
And I know there's a lot OF them in Texas.
And there is a LOT and LOT of financial alternatives available.
I also know that unless your wife is an addict ...
she's not going to be ABLE to understand any of what you're experiencing.
This is going to be an 'adventure' you're going to both have to experience.
Adventures are never fun ... when they are happening.
That's how you know you're having one.
I recommend that you read the Stickies at the top of the Substance abuse forums.
Also maybe go to the home page, and read about recovery programs in your area - there's probably even a pain recovery program in your area of texas?
We are here to support each other, to help where and how ever we can.
My first suggestion is to read this website from beginning to end,
to click al links, to answer every email and PM, and hitch every link.
You will then be one educated ... uh, guy.
Hang out with us when you feel shaky.
We'll laugh with you, we engcourage each other,
we stay strong because we've been through it all together.
We dont shoot our wounded.
Again - welcome.
member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,433
Hi Simmion, welcome to SR
I'm not familiar with opiate withdrawal, so there's not much I can offer in that area. However, I do know you've come to the right place, all of us here care about you and one another. So vent away, you'll find lots of support. Barb has pointed out some helpful info, I too urge you to check out the substance abuse forum.
Hopefully you'll feel better soon, in the meantime take good care of yourself
Matt
I'm not familiar with opiate withdrawal, so there's not much I can offer in that area. However, I do know you've come to the right place, all of us here care about you and one another. So vent away, you'll find lots of support. Barb has pointed out some helpful info, I too urge you to check out the substance abuse forum.
Hopefully you'll feel better soon, in the meantime take good care of yourself
Matt
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: north texas
Posts: 38
The hardest part for me in all of this has been feeling alone in it. Feeling like a major looser that's just to sick to care for my family. That's very depressing. It has helped me a lot, just tonight even, to see that there are so many other people facing the same problems.
The doctors don't care. The first time I went into the ER about it, the only thing they said was "Sorry, there's really nothing we can do about it. Go home and drink plenty of fluids." But what they don't understand is that at times, you would rather DIE than live through another second like that.
The problem with detox centers is they cost BIG BUCKS!!! And that's money we just don't have. I am self-employed and coughing up a couple thousand bucks of more to do that is just, well, impossible.
I will tell you something hat has really helped me this evening....... Xanax. It seemed, somehow, to elleviate almost almost of my symptoms. But the last thing I want to do is trade one niche for another. And that somewhat worries me. Any tips?
The doctors don't care. The first time I went into the ER about it, the only thing they said was "Sorry, there's really nothing we can do about it. Go home and drink plenty of fluids." But what they don't understand is that at times, you would rather DIE than live through another second like that.
The problem with detox centers is they cost BIG BUCKS!!! And that's money we just don't have. I am self-employed and coughing up a couple thousand bucks of more to do that is just, well, impossible.
I will tell you something hat has really helped me this evening....... Xanax. It seemed, somehow, to elleviate almost almost of my symptoms. But the last thing I want to do is trade one niche for another. And that somewhat worries me. Any tips?
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
Birds of a feather, dude.
NA.
One thing - You are no longer alone.
Two thing - finding peole to be around who are also dealing and finding ways to cope.
People who've been there. Who are there. Here. Whatever.
In a recovery program - people don't care whether you did it to yourself or it was done to you by a doctor or a situation - what matters is the moment.
The big NOW. Even here in wherethehellisButtemontana ... there are groups affiliated with the hospital that meet who deal with pain maintenence... Pain management (which is the second biggest oxymoron ever IMO next to greenoranges...ok wait there is one other - Wise Man) and they're not funded, not government managed and threfore not .. regulated, sort of anything goes - so they WORK.
I like that.
I prefer them.
Read.
Explore.
DO stay hydrated, tho. That part is real. I remember NOT wanting to drink anything. Part of it was the alcohol dehydrating me, but the broken glass/sand in the joints - I have problems with that to this day ... up to just a few minutes ago, in fact and I'm eighteen months sober and clean.
But I'm not alone any more.
You aren't either.
We aren't doctors here.
I like to say
*as the others here groan, but I'm gonna say it anyhow*
There are no doctors here -
If someone says they're a doctor -
they're lying.
If someone LOOKS like a doctor -
it's Halloween.
Other'n that -
we're here for each other.
NA.
One thing - You are no longer alone.
Two thing - finding peole to be around who are also dealing and finding ways to cope.
People who've been there. Who are there. Here. Whatever.
In a recovery program - people don't care whether you did it to yourself or it was done to you by a doctor or a situation - what matters is the moment.
The big NOW. Even here in wherethehellisButtemontana ... there are groups affiliated with the hospital that meet who deal with pain maintenence... Pain management (which is the second biggest oxymoron ever IMO next to greenoranges...ok wait there is one other - Wise Man) and they're not funded, not government managed and threfore not .. regulated, sort of anything goes - so they WORK.
I like that.
I prefer them.
Read.
Explore.
DO stay hydrated, tho. That part is real. I remember NOT wanting to drink anything. Part of it was the alcohol dehydrating me, but the broken glass/sand in the joints - I have problems with that to this day ... up to just a few minutes ago, in fact and I'm eighteen months sober and clean.
But I'm not alone any more.
You aren't either.
We aren't doctors here.
I like to say
*as the others here groan, but I'm gonna say it anyhow*
There are no doctors here -
If someone says they're a doctor -
they're lying.
If someone LOOKS like a doctor -
it's Halloween.
Other'n that -
we're here for each other.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Yes....I think NA is a good move.
Members often are aware of local resources
The Salvation Army runs an excellent free
de tox and recovery program.
Welcome to SR!
Members often are aware of local resources
The Salvation Army runs an excellent free
de tox and recovery program.
Welcome to SR!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
Hi and Welcome,
I am glad you found us and I do understand about chronic pain. Drs don't know how to deal with it and family members don't understand it. As others have said, people who are not addicts, don't understand addiction. But, you are not alone. We are all here because we are seeking life without alcohol/drugs.
I haven't used xanax, but have read enough around here to know that it's a really tough thing to get off. I would really, really cautious about using it. Take a look on the Substance Abuse forum and you will find lots of stories from people who are trying to get off xanax and other pain killers too. I think you will find support here.
Also as Carol said, the Salvation Army offers free recovery programs.
I am glad you found us and I do understand about chronic pain. Drs don't know how to deal with it and family members don't understand it. As others have said, people who are not addicts, don't understand addiction. But, you are not alone. We are all here because we are seeking life without alcohol/drugs.
I haven't used xanax, but have read enough around here to know that it's a really tough thing to get off. I would really, really cautious about using it. Take a look on the Substance Abuse forum and you will find lots of stories from people who are trying to get off xanax and other pain killers too. I think you will find support here.
Also as Carol said, the Salvation Army offers free recovery programs.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 1,036
Welcome
Alcoholic here. I have no sage advice, not having experienced opiates. But as an addict with a "spouse," I am bloody glad that she doesn't "understand." I think those with addicted spouses face a battle of entirely different dimensions.
No, not understanding. I can do this without that. But I do need acceptance from M'lady. If she can't accept that I am in the struggle of my life, can't accept that warrens needs to focus on this struggle, that the outcome will define US, then she belongs with someone else. Or simply away from me. It won't be worth it otherwise. There is either a prize in this box of CrackerJack or there isn't.
I hope this is something you may be able to discuss with your wife. In my case I told her I am SO glad that you don't understand this! You somehow "accepted" the crippled man I was, can you now accept the man who is committed to overcome? Fortunately she said yes.
warrens
Alcoholic here. I have no sage advice, not having experienced opiates. But as an addict with a "spouse," I am bloody glad that she doesn't "understand." I think those with addicted spouses face a battle of entirely different dimensions.
No, not understanding. I can do this without that. But I do need acceptance from M'lady. If she can't accept that I am in the struggle of my life, can't accept that warrens needs to focus on this struggle, that the outcome will define US, then she belongs with someone else. Or simply away from me. It won't be worth it otherwise. There is either a prize in this box of CrackerJack or there isn't.
I hope this is something you may be able to discuss with your wife. In my case I told her I am SO glad that you don't understand this! You somehow "accepted" the crippled man I was, can you now accept the man who is committed to overcome? Fortunately she said yes.
warrens
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: north texas
Posts: 38
Hello again folks. Still alive!
I think that God must have invented Xanax for us. Just being able to sleep, ahhhhhhhh. But wow, I can see how people get addicted to those too. Funny thing about them, you can remember almost nothing while they are in your system. I took my last tabs on Friday morning, woke up today, asked the wife what day it was and holy crap! The week just disappeared!
Feeling a lot better now. But...... I am still running fever and it seems tylenol/ibuprofen doesn't help.
Any tips?
1 full week today, no opiates!!!!!!!!
I think that God must have invented Xanax for us. Just being able to sleep, ahhhhhhhh. But wow, I can see how people get addicted to those too. Funny thing about them, you can remember almost nothing while they are in your system. I took my last tabs on Friday morning, woke up today, asked the wife what day it was and holy crap! The week just disappeared!
Feeling a lot better now. But...... I am still running fever and it seems tylenol/ibuprofen doesn't help.
Any tips?
1 full week today, no opiates!!!!!!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: north texas
Posts: 38
Thanks everyone! It's been a rough week, but it's like money in the bank. An investment of time. Weird things going on now though. Dreaming of pills, seeing a scrap of trash on the floor that looks like a pill and getting all excited about it. Weird! This is sooooo draining!
This coughing is killing me too.
Geeezus, hacking my friggin brains out! WTH is THAT all about???? And it takes half a damn bottle of cough medicine to even tame it down 1 degree!
Those drugs must really mess with you hard core. I know they are addictive (big duh there), but it's NOT just a mental thing. There's a very LARGE physical part there. The coughs, fevers, runs, etc. And that's AFTER your brain gets past the part where it wants to kill you! Even your perception of time changes. Minutes seem like hours.
I keep catching myself thinking about an article I read online about opiate withdrawl. "Symptoms last 24-72 hours" BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA Who the hell came up with THAT?????
This coughing is killing me too.
Geeezus, hacking my friggin brains out! WTH is THAT all about???? And it takes half a damn bottle of cough medicine to even tame it down 1 degree!Those drugs must really mess with you hard core. I know they are addictive (big duh there), but it's NOT just a mental thing. There's a very LARGE physical part there. The coughs, fevers, runs, etc. And that's AFTER your brain gets past the part where it wants to kill you! Even your perception of time changes. Minutes seem like hours.
I keep catching myself thinking about an article I read online about opiate withdrawl. "Symptoms last 24-72 hours" BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA Who the hell came up with THAT?????
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: corpus christi, tx
Posts: 211
There is still alot of flu going around, maybe not all of this is withdrawal? See your Dr or go to the ER. Most ER's can't refuse to see you just because you have no money/insurance. Great job BTW. Keep up the good work and keep posting.
Linda
Linda
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