I know its time...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: In the Heart of Dixie
Posts: 128
I know its time...
As I posted earlier today my 19 year old AD Lauren told me she was leaving and true to her word, she is gone and then when leaving work my car would not start and I think I have just lost it!!! I got the car jumped off and luckily I have a great family and called my step father sobbing and he was like Deanna, calm down we will get it fixed but as I told him, I don't need anymore things to go wrong....it is too much so as I am typing I am crying but I need to get my cry out and get up tomorrow and start over. It is past time for me to let go of her and I do realize that she is an addict but I guess I try to think she is different but I know she is just as cold hearted as they come but it hurts like hell. Work went good except at the end with all of the how are you todays and all I can do is smile and say fine. The funny thing is at work nobody asked how Lauren was! Its like she does not exist!! I understand that people don't know what to say but I guess I want them to in a way and then again I don't!! I feel like just giving up at this point
Leap of Faith Survivor
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
Aww Sweetie, you're getting there , you're getting there...:ghug3
One of the things that kept me from moving forward was that I couldn't accept that my daughter was an addict...it was the end of a dream...the end of the dream of my beautiful daughter......Its a mourning process that you are in the middle of.....remember that letting go of that dream and letting her find her way back to herself eventually....and you can look forward to rejoining her down the road....you've got to hang in ther and keep coming and talking to us....K
One of the things that kept me from moving forward was that I couldn't accept that my daughter was an addict...it was the end of a dream...the end of the dream of my beautiful daughter......Its a mourning process that you are in the middle of.....remember that letting go of that dream and letting her find her way back to herself eventually....and you can look forward to rejoining her down the road....you've got to hang in ther and keep coming and talking to us....K
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
Don't give up, Obsession. I am praying for you and can tell what a kind, loving soul you are. None of us deserve this nightmare, but it doesn't have to take you all the way down. Cry, cry, cry, sweetie. It will cleanse you from the inside out. Tomorrow will be better. Things always look better in the morning. What a nice step-dad you have, huh? Maybe you need to get away for a few days, think about what boundaries you could set with Lauren that are acceptable to you and that you wouldn't have a problem enforcing. You could start small and make them ones you could surely achieve, giving yourself back some control of YOUR life. Most people learn to separate from their children at Lauren's age due to whatever circumstances -- moving out, going away to college, getting married. Our kids aren't following the path we would choose for them, but they are separating from us still. It's okay to let her go now, and step aside, even if she is making bad choices. You deserve to have your life back again, and it is possible. Start small, but please, start. After a really good cry, of course. Hugs to you, Obsession.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: In the City
Posts: 59
********{obsessed}}}}}
Transitional times can be so difficult to go through. It's great you have some family support to help. I pray you'll find rest tonight. Tomorrow is a new day. I don't know what it is about vehicles, but it seems they always pick the worst times to break down. ******{Hugs to you}}}}
Transitional times can be so difficult to go through. It's great you have some family support to help. I pray you'll find rest tonight. Tomorrow is a new day. I don't know what it is about vehicles, but it seems they always pick the worst times to break down. ******{Hugs to you}}}}
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Obsessed,
Hugs to you, sweetie, this trying to be a detached mom stuff, is hard work.
Detached doesn't mean we don't love them, or want the best for them, it just means we have to survive too. And with all the craziness our addicts seem to project towards us, we have to try hard to maintain our sanity.
(Boy...that was a lot of words...wasn't it?)
Anyway, what I mean to say is...never give up hope. Never.
I am praying she comes to her bottom soon.
In the meantime you take care of YOU.
Meetings, meetings, meetings.
One more little thing I was thinking.
When "others", (or "Earth people" as I call them) don't mention our addicts, it's because ,there is no possible way, unless you have a relationship with an addict, to know what to say, or even HOW to ask. Plus, I found...it makes THEM very ucomfortable.
Hugs to you,
Hugs to you, sweetie, this trying to be a detached mom stuff, is hard work.
Detached doesn't mean we don't love them, or want the best for them, it just means we have to survive too. And with all the craziness our addicts seem to project towards us, we have to try hard to maintain our sanity.
(Boy...that was a lot of words...wasn't it?)
Anyway, what I mean to say is...never give up hope. Never.
I am praying she comes to her bottom soon.
In the meantime you take care of YOU.
Meetings, meetings, meetings.
One more little thing I was thinking.
When "others", (or "Earth people" as I call them) don't mention our addicts, it's because ,there is no possible way, unless you have a relationship with an addict, to know what to say, or even HOW to ask. Plus, I found...it makes THEM very ucomfortable.
Hugs to you,
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
((((Obsessed)))))
I know your feelings all to well, sweetie. I have felt everyone of them and still do sometimes. I think the hardest thing for me to do was to accept the fact that my beautiful daughter was an addict. She was 19 when she started using drugs and I was in shock for the longest time because I would never have believed that of her. She was someone that I didn't know anymore. She was someone that I was ashamed of. She was everything that I never would have thought that my daughter would be. The daughter that I loved and raised was not this person. I had to mourn the person that she didn't become. All of my hopes and dreams were shattered. This went on for 7 yrs. There were days I couldn't even get out of bed. But you know Obsessed, no matter how bad it got I never gave up on her. I said as long as there was a breath in my body I will not give up on my daughter.
Today she is sober and has been for 8 months. I did let her go, but I never gave up.
I know 8 months is not a very long time, but I am thankful for every second of it. Currently she is on proper meds for bi polar and sees a pdoc and therapist. She still struggles and has a long way to go.
So you see hon, you can't give up, because one day you will get Lauren back. She is young and can't see right now through the fog. When she has her moment of clarity she just might amaze you, afterall it sure sounds like she has an amazing mom. I'm sure she has learned a lot from you, and everything that she did learn from you is in there. She just hasn't found it yet.
God Bless...........Lo
I know your feelings all to well, sweetie. I have felt everyone of them and still do sometimes. I think the hardest thing for me to do was to accept the fact that my beautiful daughter was an addict. She was 19 when she started using drugs and I was in shock for the longest time because I would never have believed that of her. She was someone that I didn't know anymore. She was someone that I was ashamed of. She was everything that I never would have thought that my daughter would be. The daughter that I loved and raised was not this person. I had to mourn the person that she didn't become. All of my hopes and dreams were shattered. This went on for 7 yrs. There were days I couldn't even get out of bed. But you know Obsessed, no matter how bad it got I never gave up on her. I said as long as there was a breath in my body I will not give up on my daughter.
Today she is sober and has been for 8 months. I did let her go, but I never gave up.
I know 8 months is not a very long time, but I am thankful for every second of it. Currently she is on proper meds for bi polar and sees a pdoc and therapist. She still struggles and has a long way to go.
So you see hon, you can't give up, because one day you will get Lauren back. She is young and can't see right now through the fog. When she has her moment of clarity she just might amaze you, afterall it sure sounds like she has an amazing mom. I'm sure she has learned a lot from you, and everything that she did learn from you is in there. She just hasn't found it yet.
God Bless...........Lo
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((((Obsessed)))))
Sending you lots of hugs and prayers.
The more I read this thread, the more I realize that the A's and the people who love them have a lot in common. You wrote that you are having a hard time accepting that she is an addict....we A's don't accept it for a long time, either...we think we can quit when we want, we just don't want to!
I don't know that my dad accepts that I am an addict yet (even though I'm in recovery). He will use the word "addict" only because I do. He chooses to blame everything I did on my XABF...it's too difficult for him to accept that I did them to get drugs. But even though he doesn't understand it or accept it, he still put boundaries in place and held his ground....and for that I'm very grateful. I'm glad that he realized that HIS life was worth more than getting sucked into my drama and chaos.
Lauren knows you love her - she takes that for granted. What she doesn't realize is that you can love her but still take care of yourself and step back from her chaotic life. You are the only one that can show her that. I'm sure, that at first she will do everything she can think of to guilt you into enabling her...ask the other moms here, they've been through it.
I talked to my friend, last night, who was a meth addict. She was raised by her granny (mom in prison for meth) and granny was a huge enabler. Desirae said that it wasn't until she got into something that granny couldn't get her out of (getting locked up, which is where we met), that she decided the consequences weren't worth the meth. She's 24 years old and has been doing drugs since she was 12....hasn't done meth in over a year. She is a convicted felon and on probation for 12 years.
I hope that you will realize that Lauren's addiction does not have to take you down. The best thing you can do for her and you is to let her deal with her own stuff and go on with your life.
I am so sorry you are going through this.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Amy
Sending you lots of hugs and prayers.
The more I read this thread, the more I realize that the A's and the people who love them have a lot in common. You wrote that you are having a hard time accepting that she is an addict....we A's don't accept it for a long time, either...we think we can quit when we want, we just don't want to!
I don't know that my dad accepts that I am an addict yet (even though I'm in recovery). He will use the word "addict" only because I do. He chooses to blame everything I did on my XABF...it's too difficult for him to accept that I did them to get drugs. But even though he doesn't understand it or accept it, he still put boundaries in place and held his ground....and for that I'm very grateful. I'm glad that he realized that HIS life was worth more than getting sucked into my drama and chaos.
Lauren knows you love her - she takes that for granted. What she doesn't realize is that you can love her but still take care of yourself and step back from her chaotic life. You are the only one that can show her that. I'm sure, that at first she will do everything she can think of to guilt you into enabling her...ask the other moms here, they've been through it.
I talked to my friend, last night, who was a meth addict. She was raised by her granny (mom in prison for meth) and granny was a huge enabler. Desirae said that it wasn't until she got into something that granny couldn't get her out of (getting locked up, which is where we met), that she decided the consequences weren't worth the meth. She's 24 years old and has been doing drugs since she was 12....hasn't done meth in over a year. She is a convicted felon and on probation for 12 years.
I hope that you will realize that Lauren's addiction does not have to take you down. The best thing you can do for her and you is to let her deal with her own stuff and go on with your life.
I am so sorry you are going through this.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Amy
Trying to get out of God's way
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Freeland Michigan
Posts: 60
I am SO thankful for the recovering addicts that join this forum...you really do give me insight into addiction, and hope that someday my son will be in recovery from addiction. He'll be going to prison, and I hope that there he will seek help for addictions. But in the meantime, I am amazed at all you share with us *loved ones*...this board really needs you all, and I for one am SO thankful for you and I pray for your continued recovery :-)))
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
