Chrysalis

I have been spending a fair bit of time reflecting on how much I have changed over the last 20 yrs. When I look back I see clearly the various stages in my life. In my reflection, I ask myself how my AH and AF have contributed to not only my pain but also my growth. I think I am finally getting to a place where I am not resentful of all that I have endured but have begun to see it as just a contributing factor to my character development.

Last weekend I had a dream that may have been inspired by my reflection, not sure though. In my dream there was a woman i did not recognize who was lying on what appeared to be her death bed and out of the blue she lifted her head, turned to me and said "If you don't tell someone, you're never going to wake up". I am not sure how to take this message since it could have a couple of meanings. Here are my possible interpretations:

1. I need to move toward step 5 which would mean that I need to move beyond steps 1 - 3 in order to feel better or make progresss by finally tackling step 4 -the dreaded INVENTORY
2. I have been putting off telling my husband that I my feelings for him are strictly platonic. Leaving things as they currently are will keep me in this numbing holding pattern.


any other guesses?

NYC_Chick

Dream interpretation is hard! I used to do this in therapy when I was younger. I got a lot of it. I can't decide between one or two, but can say that it sounds like there is something you are keeping burried that you need to let out to live your life.

My old therapist said everything in your dream represents you, whether it's a person or a thing. I think it's significant that she looks frail and near death. I don't think the fact that she's lying in a bed is insignificant either. If you feel platonic feelings toward your husband, maybe she's dying in the bed for a reason. I think we all deserve to be with a person we love and want to be intimate with. Maybe that's what it meant.

Chrysalis

Thank NYC,
It was funny because the woman in the bed was young and very healthy looking. I clearly remember her blonde hair, blue eyes and full lips. Also, the room was not dark in fact it was filled with sunshine.

cagefree

If I had this dream and were applying it to myself, I would tend to think that the woman on her death bed is actually the "real" me. Continuously silenced, muffled and suffocated by my codependent self, the "real" me was almost left for dead so I could maintain my denial of what was going on around me and to continue my own addictions to unhealthy, but familiar relationships and behaviours.

The real me was there and wanted to be heard.

The real me is at the surface now and no longer muffled. I woke up from the stasis that my codependent self had me in.

Hope that made sense.

Growing

I don't have any ideas for the meaning...but your post made me realize that I need to start paying attention to my dreams...and writing about them. Thanks for the reminder!

"In my reflection, I ask myself how my AH and AF have contributed to not only my pain but also my growth. I think I am finally getting to a place where I am not resentful of all that I have endured but have begun to see it as just a contributing factor to my character development."--- I don't have an alcoholic husband...but I did have an alcoholic father...like you...and I can relate to what you said and I agree 100%. It is the same for me.

I am also tackling step 4 right now!

So your post touched me on different levels. Thanks for sharing.

Chrysalis

I like it!

A student of Jung??

Chrysalis

Tx Growing,
When I looked closer @ step 4, I realized that taking inventory didn't meaning listing all of my faults. It includes all the good stuff too. I realize that there is value in taking inventory; fill the empty spots, get rid of the overstock and bring in some fresh new stock! Wishing you the best in your 4th step!