Addiction: An Analogy
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Addiction: An Analogy
Sometimes I see things clearer if I can put it into a different context. This is how I try to keep my son's addiction in perspective.
Addiction is like a riptide. You see a person you love out there in the ocean and you finally realize that they are caught in a riptide (addiction). Of course you swim out there to save them, right? (Co-dependence) And you find yourself caught in the riptide as well. You are both getting pulled out to sea further and further. You are getting weaker and weaker and you begin to panic. You have a choice. You can both drown or you can save yourself.
So....how do you save yourself from a riptide? You begin to swim parallel to the shore. You are so tired from fighting the riptide, you don't have the strength to pull your loved one with you. You keep swimming parallel to the shore.
Your loved one will do one of two things. He/she will continue to battle the riptide and drown OR they will see that you are swimming parallel to the shore and out of the riptide's reach. They may follow you. But at least ONE OF YOU WILL SURVIVE!
Does that make sense? Does anyone else use analogies to keep their thought process about recovery on track?
Addiction is like a riptide. You see a person you love out there in the ocean and you finally realize that they are caught in a riptide (addiction). Of course you swim out there to save them, right? (Co-dependence) And you find yourself caught in the riptide as well. You are both getting pulled out to sea further and further. You are getting weaker and weaker and you begin to panic. You have a choice. You can both drown or you can save yourself.
So....how do you save yourself from a riptide? You begin to swim parallel to the shore. You are so tired from fighting the riptide, you don't have the strength to pull your loved one with you. You keep swimming parallel to the shore.
Your loved one will do one of two things. He/she will continue to battle the riptide and drown OR they will see that you are swimming parallel to the shore and out of the riptide's reach. They may follow you. But at least ONE OF YOU WILL SURVIVE!
Does that make sense? Does anyone else use analogies to keep their thought process about recovery on track?
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Another analogy that I didn't get at first was one that my brother shared with me. He's a therapist.
I called him one day crying. Telling him how much my A son was hurting me with his continued using. I was literally in pain. Emotional pain is so awful I told him as I cried.
He listened until I was finished. And then he said "Sweetie, you could go downtown and find a bum....any bum will do......hand them a brick and let them hit you in the head with it."
I was sooooooo confused by his response so I asked "Why the hell would I do that?"
He said "Because it would be less painful."
I got off the phone with him (thinking that he was a crappy therapist) but thought about it long and hard. I started to see MY emotional state as a brick. I finally realized that I was handing my "emotional brick" over to my A son and letting him bash me in the head with it. I also realized I would hand that emotional brick over to almost ANYONE. I was so sensitive to what others did or said. They could crush me easily with my own emotional brick. I now tell myself "hold on to your brick--don't let someone else have it or they'll hit you in the head with it." That is how I try to control my own emotional state. I don't always succeed but it helps when I lose my focus on me.
I called him one day crying. Telling him how much my A son was hurting me with his continued using. I was literally in pain. Emotional pain is so awful I told him as I cried.
He listened until I was finished. And then he said "Sweetie, you could go downtown and find a bum....any bum will do......hand them a brick and let them hit you in the head with it."
I was sooooooo confused by his response so I asked "Why the hell would I do that?"
He said "Because it would be less painful."
I got off the phone with him (thinking that he was a crappy therapist) but thought about it long and hard. I started to see MY emotional state as a brick. I finally realized that I was handing my "emotional brick" over to my A son and letting him bash me in the head with it. I also realized I would hand that emotional brick over to almost ANYONE. I was so sensitive to what others did or said. They could crush me easily with my own emotional brick. I now tell myself "hold on to your brick--don't let someone else have it or they'll hit you in the head with it." That is how I try to control my own emotional state. I don't always succeed but it helps when I lose my focus on me.
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Join Date: Oct 2007
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I used this analogy a lot to help me think about how my mind had become polluted by negativity and delusion, it helps me visualise what I am attempting to do in recovery...
''I have found a few things useful in healing myself the most powerful for me was to ....
1) think of my mind like a garden...
Over the years plenty of stones have been thrown on my beautiful fresh soil I was given at birth. I allowed these stones to gather moss in my garden because I didn't know better. Any gardener will tell you that flowers will not blossom in a bed full of stones. If I want my garden to be beautiful, I need to dig up those old stones and throw them away. I will plant seeds instead. I will tend to my seeds to ensure they grow, I will nuture them, and provide them with healthy soil to grow in. One day my garden will be a beautiful oasis.''
Lily xxxxxxxxxx
''I have found a few things useful in healing myself the most powerful for me was to ....
1) think of my mind like a garden...
Over the years plenty of stones have been thrown on my beautiful fresh soil I was given at birth. I allowed these stones to gather moss in my garden because I didn't know better. Any gardener will tell you that flowers will not blossom in a bed full of stones. If I want my garden to be beautiful, I need to dig up those old stones and throw them away. I will plant seeds instead. I will tend to my seeds to ensure they grow, I will nuture them, and provide them with healthy soil to grow in. One day my garden will be a beautiful oasis.''
Lily xxxxxxxxxx
Progress Not Perfection
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Thank you Kindeyes....both of those helped me today...especially "emotional brick"...I needed to read that...
I admire your example and thank you for sharing with us....your strong and kind. I like that.
I admire your example and thank you for sharing with us....your strong and kind. I like that.
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Originally Posted by Growing 
Thank you Kindeyes....both of those helped me today...especially "emotional brick"...I needed to read that...
I admire your example and thank you for sharing with us....your strong and kind. I like that.
I admire your example and thank you for sharing with us....your strong and kind. I like that.
Growing
I'm glad that those helped you. They help me keep things in perspective and I'm glad that it could help someone else too.
I don't know that I am all that strong. It is a daily battle. One day at a time, of course. But I hope that I am kind. That (to me) is one of the best feel-good things to be.
hugs to you
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
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one of the greatest analogies that has been given to me and sometimes sounds so strange to others at first (and you may have read post from me about it here before) is the . . .
My refrigerator's not blue
In the early months of my recovery, I was talking with my 1st sponsor about those situations about what the AH was saying, what his family was saying, thinking blah, blah, blah - how painful that was and how no one saw it from my point of view.
She asked me to go to my kitchen - "what color is your refrigerator?" I said "It's beige" She replied "no, it's blue" I said "No, it's beige" She then explained "we could go on for hours like this, me saying it's blue and you trying to convince me it's not, but the fact is that YOU know what color your refrigerator is and don't need me to agree or disagree to validate that fact. The more you listen to me argue or discuss this matter, the more you are going to doubt yourself and your beliefs, but will it truly change the facts or the color of your refrigerator? No. It only weakens your ability to trust yourself."
So when the A's or others, friends, family around me begin to start to voice opinions, views, unwanted advice, suggestions or whatever that I know deep in my heart that is NOT correct, NOT true and NOT best for me - I simply say to myself . . .
"My refrigerator's not blue"
to help me regain my focus and trust in myself and my direction that I'm receiving from the God of my understanding.
Wishing you Serenity & Joy,
Rita
My refrigerator's not blue
In the early months of my recovery, I was talking with my 1st sponsor about those situations about what the AH was saying, what his family was saying, thinking blah, blah, blah - how painful that was and how no one saw it from my point of view.
She asked me to go to my kitchen - "what color is your refrigerator?" I said "It's beige" She replied "no, it's blue" I said "No, it's beige" She then explained "we could go on for hours like this, me saying it's blue and you trying to convince me it's not, but the fact is that YOU know what color your refrigerator is and don't need me to agree or disagree to validate that fact. The more you listen to me argue or discuss this matter, the more you are going to doubt yourself and your beliefs, but will it truly change the facts or the color of your refrigerator? No. It only weakens your ability to trust yourself."
So when the A's or others, friends, family around me begin to start to voice opinions, views, unwanted advice, suggestions or whatever that I know deep in my heart that is NOT correct, NOT true and NOT best for me - I simply say to myself . . .
"My refrigerator's not blue"
to help me regain my focus and trust in myself and my direction that I'm receiving from the God of my understanding.
Wishing you Serenity & Joy,
Rita
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Japic05
I love that. Thanks for sharing. I'll try to remember that my refidgerator isn't blue either! It is amazing how we'll argue over things that just don't make sense, huh?
hugs
I love that. Thanks for sharing. I'll try to remember that my refidgerator isn't blue either! It is amazing how we'll argue over things that just don't make sense, huh?
hugs
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I live way too close to my xabf....so a run in can happen on a daily basis in our bustling downtown.
Here's what I visualize....
As I see him looking all handsome and put together.....I envision that beneath the shirt he's wearing.....just at the nape of his neck.....is a zipper.
When the the zipper is pulled....he comes out of his handsome put together suit....and what emerges is actually what is on the inside of that spiffy exterior.
I see a devilish face with bright red eyes. I see the *hitty grin he gets on his face when he is drunk.
And I think.....yikes. Don't want me some of that crazy. Others will see the zipper someday too.
Here's what I visualize....
As I see him looking all handsome and put together.....I envision that beneath the shirt he's wearing.....just at the nape of his neck.....is a zipper.
When the the zipper is pulled....he comes out of his handsome put together suit....and what emerges is actually what is on the inside of that spiffy exterior.
I see a devilish face with bright red eyes. I see the *hitty grin he gets on his face when he is drunk.
And I think.....yikes. Don't want me some of that crazy. Others will see the zipper someday too.
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Location: Hampton Roads, VA
Posts: 68
I once saw a therapist who told me to think of walking the path of your life through a beautiful meadow. Sometimes the weather is nice and the walk is easy. Sometimes the weather is story and you have find shelter. Sometimes the terrain is flat and you move fast, sometimes there are mountains you must climb. At one point you will come to a deep and wide river. Once you reach the river you cannot turn back you must cross. You have to swim across the river, it is much too deep to try and walk and even though you have tried many times you cannot build a raft. You have to swim. You have to swim and no matter how strong or experienced you are as a swimmer you cannot carry someone you love across on your back. They have to be able to swim on their own. You may try many times to help them across but you will never succeed. You can either stop your life and stay with them at the edge of the bank or you can swim across and hope that eventually they will learn to swim.
Words I have never forgotten even many years later.
Words I have never forgotten even many years later.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Thunder Bay
Posts: 186
Originally Posted by Kindeyes
Sometimes I see things clearer if I can put it into a different context. This is how I try to keep my son's addiction in perspective.
Addiction is like a riptide. You see a person you love out there in the ocean and you finally realize that they are caught in a riptide (addiction). Of course you swim out there to save them, right? (Co-dependence) And you find yourself caught in the riptide as well. You are both getting pulled out to sea further and further. You are getting weaker and weaker and you begin to panic. You have a choice. You can both drown or you can save yourself.
So....how do you save yourself from a riptide? You begin to swim parallel to the shore. You are so tired from fighting the riptide, you don't have the strength to pull your loved one with you. You keep swimming parallel to the shore.
Your loved one will do one of two things. He/she will continue to battle the riptide and drown OR they will see that you are swimming parallel to the shore and out of the riptide's reach. They may follow you. But at least ONE OF YOU WILL SURVIVE!
Does that make sense? Does anyone else use analogies to keep their thought process about recovery on track?
Addiction is like a riptide. You see a person you love out there in the ocean and you finally realize that they are caught in a riptide (addiction). Of course you swim out there to save them, right? (Co-dependence) And you find yourself caught in the riptide as well. You are both getting pulled out to sea further and further. You are getting weaker and weaker and you begin to panic. You have a choice. You can both drown or you can save yourself.
So....how do you save yourself from a riptide? You begin to swim parallel to the shore. You are so tired from fighting the riptide, you don't have the strength to pull your loved one with you. You keep swimming parallel to the shore.
Your loved one will do one of two things. He/she will continue to battle the riptide and drown OR they will see that you are swimming parallel to the shore and out of the riptide's reach. They may follow you. But at least ONE OF YOU WILL SURVIVE!
Does that make sense? Does anyone else use analogies to keep their thought process about recovery on track?
It makes sense and also follows along the lines of one of my favorite songs
"Sometimes she dreams that he's caught in a stream
And the water keeps pulling him down
She reaches for him as he pulls her in
She wakes just before she drowns"
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This is a great thread. Just this morning I started to think of my ah as the evil twin of the man I loved once - a man who is now dead.
My therapist also gave me this analogy - the alcoholic as a seriously wounded person who will not get the bandages he needs to get better and ends up bleeding all over everyone around him. Especially significant for me right now since my ah did bleed all over my pillow and towels when he was here after this wreck this weekend.
So much more peaceful now for me but he is in a world of trouble.
My therapist also gave me this analogy - the alcoholic as a seriously wounded person who will not get the bandages he needs to get better and ends up bleeding all over everyone around him. Especially significant for me right now since my ah did bleed all over my pillow and towels when he was here after this wreck this weekend.
So much more peaceful now for me but he is in a world of trouble.
Recovering Codependant
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Liverpool, Great Britain
Posts: 1,335
Originally Posted by Japic05
one of the greatest analogies that has been given to me and sometimes sounds so strange to others at first (and you may have read post from me about it here before) is the . . .
My refrigerator's not blue
My refrigerator's not blue
Lily xxxxxxxxxx
Formerly known as soconfused11
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Colon, MI
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Another analogy, but I might not have the exact words, but you'll get the point anyway, I think.
A man was walking along one day when he came across an injured snake. The snake says "Please help me, I'm wounded". The man replies "But you're a snake, you'll bite me". The snake says, "No, I won't. I promise if you help me, nurse me back to health, I will not bite you." So the man thinks about it and agress to help the snake anyway. He spends his time and cares for the snake. Once the snake was healed, the man reached down and the snake bit him. The man says "You bit me". The snake then says, "What did you expect, I'm a snake".
Alcoholic-Codependent
A man was walking along one day when he came across an injured snake. The snake says "Please help me, I'm wounded". The man replies "But you're a snake, you'll bite me". The snake says, "No, I won't. I promise if you help me, nurse me back to health, I will not bite you." So the man thinks about it and agress to help the snake anyway. He spends his time and cares for the snake. Once the snake was healed, the man reached down and the snake bit him. The man says "You bit me". The snake then says, "What did you expect, I'm a snake".
Alcoholic-Codependent
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i love this one!!
in the version i heard, a native american story, the snake said, "you knew what i was when you picked me up".
it was just behaving according to its nature.
how true of the alcoholic in my life!!
in the version i heard, a native american story, the snake said, "you knew what i was when you picked me up".
it was just behaving according to its nature.
how true of the alcoholic in my life!!
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Originally Posted by Soconfused11
Another analogy, but I might not have the exact words, but you'll get the point anyway, I think.
A man was walking along one day when he came across an injured snake. The snake says "Please help me, I'm wounded". The man replies "But you're a snake, you'll bite me". The snake says, "No, I won't. I promise if you help me, nurse me back to health, I will not bite you." So the man thinks about it and agress to help the snake anyway. He spends his time and cares for the snake. Once the snake was healed, the man reached down and the snake bit him. The man says "You bit me". The snake then says, "What did you expect, I'm a snake".
Alcoholic-Codependent
A man was walking along one day when he came across an injured snake. The snake says "Please help me, I'm wounded". The man replies "But you're a snake, you'll bite me". The snake says, "No, I won't. I promise if you help me, nurse me back to health, I will not bite you." So the man thinks about it and agress to help the snake anyway. He spends his time and cares for the snake. Once the snake was healed, the man reached down and the snake bit him. The man says "You bit me". The snake then says, "What did you expect, I'm a snake".
Alcoholic-Codependent
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Thank you Kindeyes. Your analogies have made it easier to see the folly in what I've been trying to do. There's no way I'd jump in to rescue someone in a riptide since I know I'm not strong enough, so why would I think I could jump in and save my AH? I'm not strong enough to do that either.
Thanks also Japic and soconfused. Also, really great ways to get a clearer perspective.
Thanks to everyone who's posted. I've been lurking a bit and trying to find the strength I need to face the challenges that are coming my way. Your thoughts, writings and ventings have helped me realize that I'm not alone in this and that there is hope.
The analogy I have is a story of a man who fell off a cliff. On his way down, he caught hold of a small branch growing out of the side of cliff. Holding on for dear life he yelled "Help! Is anyone there?".
God answered, "I'm here". The man said "Oh thank you. Please help me." God said "Do you have faith?" The man replied "yes I do. I have faith that you can get me out of this."
God said "then let go". As the joke goes, the man replied "Is there anyone else up there?"
I thought I had the faith but it's really hard to just let go.
Thanks also Japic and soconfused. Also, really great ways to get a clearer perspective.
Thanks to everyone who's posted. I've been lurking a bit and trying to find the strength I need to face the challenges that are coming my way. Your thoughts, writings and ventings have helped me realize that I'm not alone in this and that there is hope.
The analogy I have is a story of a man who fell off a cliff. On his way down, he caught hold of a small branch growing out of the side of cliff. Holding on for dear life he yelled "Help! Is anyone there?".
God answered, "I'm here". The man said "Oh thank you. Please help me." God said "Do you have faith?" The man replied "yes I do. I have faith that you can get me out of this."
God said "then let go". As the joke goes, the man replied "Is there anyone else up there?"
I thought I had the faith but it's really hard to just let go.
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Minnelson6200
That was a really great joke with very interesting insight. LOL. Isn't it nice to find some humor in our situations. I've found myself laughing at myself a lot today.
hugs to you
That was a really great joke with very interesting insight. LOL. Isn't it nice to find some humor in our situations. I've found myself laughing at myself a lot today.
hugs to you
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Laughter to me is like a warm balm washing over my body. Once when I was soooo depressed, I read something funny on a forum and laughed out loud, probably for the first time in weeks back then. I literally FELT the goodness and warmth and realized, hey, that's what I want to feel like again! Keep laughing, Kind Eyes, it's like medicine for our souls!
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