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The chicken or the egg?

Old 02-25-2008, 10:28 PM
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The chicken or the egg?

I believe there are different types of alcoholics. I don’t say this to start an argument; plenty of other threads have more than covered this. I have seen and read too many posts to count about people who have started drinking in a normal, social way that spirals out of control and horribly damages their lives.

We all have problems. BUT, you can see a clear difference between people whose problems come from alcohol and those who turn to alcohol. Broken after or broken first? The chicken and the egg. I know that either way, if you drink too much, too often, you’re screwed physically, emotionally and spiritually - but the quitting, I think, is different.

I personally feel like one of those little dogs that pee on the carpet every time the doorbell rings or there’s a thunderstorm. Without ‘help’ I don’t check the mail. I look at the caller ID before I answer the phone. I can’t deal with my relatives (I’m not paranoid, they are amazingly horrible). I don’t have a problem in the social situations that so many people post about because I always control myself in front of other people - it’s myself I can’t cope sober with. In the past, if I didn’t have beer, I’d take Xanax. Or whatever did the trick of making me… less uncomfortable? In short, I was screwed up and broken long before my first drink. Oh, and support? They like me better on something (to be fair though, they don’t know the extent of the problem, and I am the queen of the perpetual buzz. I can drink all day and never get ‘drunk’).

I haven’t drank for over a month now, and physically I feel better, but it’s almost 2:00am and I can’t sleep, haven’t slept for a few weeks. I do Ok when I focus on booze as the enemy, but as soon as I have to face life again, I am just so lost.

Again, I’m not asking whether I’m an alcoholic. I know I have a problem - I guess we all do, which is why this is such a good place - but, what do you do to cope instead?

Maybe I’m just bi***ing. Lack of sleep?

Thanks for putting up with me.
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Old 02-25-2008, 11:02 PM
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Thank you for making me think of an answer for myself. What do I do to cope now that I don't drink to numb and forget?

Every day, one day at a time I try to live life on Gods terms. It's feels good to know the answer to that question for me.

I guess another way to answer your question is I don't cope with life by trying to control it. Acceptance and letting go are a daily reprieve from being overwhelmed and lost.
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Old 02-25-2008, 11:23 PM
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Hi Krissy...

May I direct you to the 12 Steps of AA? They outline an amazingly effective set of skills for dealing with life on life's terms, (many people are surprised to learn that the Steps only mention alcohol once, at the very beginning).

AA's Twelve Steps

Here's something else that you might be interested in reading...

#21

You are not alone!
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Old 02-25-2008, 11:41 PM
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I have actually pondered your question myself. Was it my alcoholism that caused my living problems or was it my living problems that caused my alcoholism? I still haven't come to any answer I find 100 either way. IMHO it is a combination of both factors. But regardless the problem still remains "how to live without drinking and not be insane?"

For me the obsession to drink was lifted fairly quickly once I quit drinking. My problem is that although the obsession may have been lifted I still had no clue how to live without drinking. I was in a constant state of depression, had difficulty making decisions, felt uncomfortable in my own skin, had a significant amount of anxiety, and all sorts of other maladies.

The solution that has worked for me has been working the program of AA. The Steps of AA have helped me with the "how to live without drinking" question. Today, I have the tools to feel comfortable in my own skin. Yes, I have days that are not so good but overall today I have serenity and happiness in my life and the days that don't seem to be going well I have to tools to make better.

If you have any interest in learning more about the program of AA or the steps here is a link to that section of our forum. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/step-study/
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Old 02-26-2008, 04:35 AM
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I tried counseling before I started AA.
And I stayed stuck in misery.

AA recovery is an awesome adventure.
Please consider finding a new way to live.


Blessings
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Old 02-26-2008, 04:50 AM
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The chicken or the egg?

perhaps it was a turkey?

what do i do to cope?

i try not to put myself in a position of the mind to have to cope!
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Old 02-26-2008, 04:51 AM
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I didn't start drinking until my mid-forties.

But, I had stumbled around in pain since my teenage years. I lived with depression and had no idea that I had something that a dr could help with and so I pushed on, until I couldn't anymore. Then I turned to alcohol.

Stopping drinking was the tip of the iceberg for me. Beginning to work on myself is still an ongoing journey.
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Old 02-26-2008, 04:53 AM
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I agree with Pat, I keep out of my own head as its dangerous territory and I try to listen to my heart and act from my heart.

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Old 02-26-2008, 04:56 AM
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everything is already ok
 
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and if anyone catches that chicken give me a hoi
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Old 02-26-2008, 10:46 AM
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Thank goodness, after all these years, I'm no longer trying to figure out "which came first, the chicken or the egg." I'm no longer a spring chicken, but I do consider myself a good old egg!

How do you get to Carnegie Hall? Practice, practice, practice. The same is true with learning coping skills without having alcohol to fall back on. It takes time...but, given enough, you no longer think of yourself as "a drinker", rather as one who used to drink. Honestly...just be patient...the day will come when you'll no longer ponder these philosophical questions...and, you and everyone you care about will simply accept yourself as a recovering alcoholic. Case closed.
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Old 02-26-2008, 11:22 AM
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i have wondered this myself, and depending on what day you ask me, i will present a convincing argument for either side. for me it doesn't matter I know I had some issues early on that contributed to my alcoholism, but I also have a body that is "alergic" to booze. it processes it differently than normal folks bodies do. the physical aspect is often forgotten.
if I was a fortunate son, born with a silver spoon,and I was outgoing and popular, as soon as I got drunk the results would be the same. it just may have taken me longer to get where I am at.
Even if I resolve all the problems in my life and get rid of all my character defects I am not safe from the drink because my body reacts differently. That's what makes me an alcoholic.
good topic, it made me think, thank you
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Old 02-26-2008, 11:27 AM
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If you see the egg, well, I'm considering an omelette.
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Old 02-26-2008, 12:45 PM
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OK...I'll share in your silliness...will you settle for bacon and eggs?



It's the best I could do on short notice.
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Old 02-26-2008, 02:18 PM
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between people whose problems come from alcohol and those who turn to alcohol. Broken after or broken first?
I've always wondered a few things about this - and in years (years way) past...

I didn't get the habit to drink every night because of things in step 4 - I drank every night because I was alone and it sure was a lot more interesting way to be alone. That could be broke before? Loneliness? Depression? Nope, just bored and ah yes, I did use it to sleep for sure - but why can't I sleep? Step 4 issue? I've never been able to sleep very well unless I have a bit of physical activity in the day - but I'm a computer guy with little of that so no help there either.

Broke after talk (ha!): Who me? An alcoholic? not! I can quit anytime I want to! Well I could, but what for? haha! This is such a strained argument that is akin to a truck driving up its own tailpipe. So, I figure it's a lot easier just saying 'yes self, you're an alcoholic' and get over it than to figure out why... what the heck, I was buzzed this time last week and no problems other than having to wake up late in the day, lose a lot of good hours of productive work time and stagger around the house the first few hours trying to get revived with coffee and aspirin. (Wow what a wonderful life that is every day!) Ughh. That gets old.

Fast forward a number of years and I've made a lot of changes, new relationship, jobs, etc... and the old behavior won't cut it any longer. So I have to quit. Now is the time that I think I can safely say that I'm an alkie and get over my own egotistical barriers to recovery. After all this time I'm probably just broke in both places.

Lol.
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Old 02-26-2008, 09:38 PM
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Whenver I post, I am always afraid to check the replies. I put it off and read dozens of others before I check my own. It's scary... but, all of you are awesome. This is the only place where I can be honest. So, bear with me

I guess another way to answer your question is I don't cope with life by trying to control it. Acceptance and letting go are a daily reprieve from being overwhelmed and lost.
Dean, never thought of anxiety as trying to control things, but yeah, I guess that's exactly what it is. How weird to think of it that way... thank you

GreenTea, thanks - especially for the excerpts from 'Under the Influence'. I'm still scared about AA, but that was truly helpful.

But regardless the problem still remains "how to live without drinking and not be insane?"For me the obsession to drink was lifted fairly quickly once I quit drinking. My problem is that although the obsession may have been lifted I still had no clue how to live without drinking. I was in a constant state of depression, had difficulty making decisions, felt uncomfortable in my own skin, had a significant amount of anxiety, and all sorts of other maladies.
Nandm, you said what I meant way better than I did. It's nice not to feel alone. I am so happy that AA worked for you.

CarolD, thanks. Believe it or not... I was an admin mental health case manager and worked with therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists... I think that's why I'm so cynical as far as this.., whatever the hell it is. I guess I'll borrow from you; misery is a pretty fair description.

Rusty, you are SO funny. I think it might be a turkey... Thank you, I needed that!

Anna, you are inspirational to everybody on here. Thank you, again

I keep out of my own head as its dangerous territory
Kevin - LOL PLEASE, please, tell me how to do that!!! lol- thanks

Jersey Nonny, thank you. Your posts have been so helpful.. especially while lurking

i have wondered this myself, and depending on what day you ask me, i will present a convincing argument for either side.
29a, God, is that true! Sometimes I post, and completely change my mind about my own post. I'm hoping if I keep the straight and narrow, sanity will be my door prize. Thank you.

After all this time I'm probably just broke in both places.
Resistra, now THAT is a quote - thank you!

Thank you all. How strange to find help this way. It's been my lifeline.

Krissy
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Old 02-26-2008, 11:06 PM
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The brokenness came long before the addiction for me, of that I have no doubt. Now that I've dealt with most of my past in therapy I think I truly am moving on. An outdated coping mechanism that went awry, disfunctional to the core but now the core is healing :0)
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Old 02-27-2008, 07:24 PM
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Thanks for a really interesting post Krissy. I agree, there are different kinds of alcoholics: there are as many types as alcoholics, because each alcoholic is unique.

Having said that, in my case I've been able to trace a fairly linear causation. A series of events in my late teens caused me to turn to alcohol *after* I'd tried several ways of coping. I've always kept a journal, and a few nights ago I was going through some of my entries from those times. I was shocked to find that, after the initial trauma, I had actively turned to "God" in hopes of healing; what was even more shocking was to read that I had actually begun healing and living "in the flow", and that alcohol was not an issue at all. I had completely forgotten about that period of my life. Some time later a new series of blows just devastated me, and I was sad to read my own account of turning to alcohol for comfort. And I barely managed to keep afloat for a decade, doused in ethanol.

Now that I'm trying to get my life back together, in sobriety, I've discovered that the initial "reasons" for drinking are long gone, and that I kept drinking out of habit, turning to alcohol every time I tripped over pebbles that pale in comparison to the initial rocks. However, the pain is still there, and I'm starting to accept the fact that it'll probably take time for me to go back where I left off. To me, alcoholism was basically the result of living a god-less life. I am not religious by any stretch, nor do I have a clue of what god even means. But I do know something: a decade ago, something greater than me was helping me heal my wounds, and my mistake was letting go of that power when I should have held on tighter, with complete faith.

The good news is that I *know* it's still there, waiting for me. So I turn to sobriety now, relieved to know that alcoholism for me is a symptom, not the disease itself. I know many will probably disagree with that last statement, but that's the way I feel.

Just my take

Matt
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Old 02-27-2008, 07:36 PM
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Originally Posted by Krissy 72 View Post
Again, I’m not asking whether I’m an alcoholic. I know I have a problem - I guess we all do, which is why this is such a good place - but, what do you do to cope instead?
I think you (and myself as well) need to find something to replace alcohol with. A hobby or something like that. I don't know but I can't think of any other way to go without drinking.
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