angelonmyshould

I read the chapter to the wives from the Big Book yesterday afternoon for the second time. The first time I read it I wanted to throw the book into the fire and never look at it again. I ranted and raved and got really mad for someone to tell me I need to be "nice" to the alcoholic in my life. When you get mad you get even. I wanted to get even with a book - not the alcoholic. So, in essence it worked. My focus was on this book and not the alcoholic. I stopped worrying about him for a minute or two when I was ticked off at what I read.

What I got out of it the second time was refreshing. It wasn't telling me to talk to my AH with kid gloves on. It was in short the "purple" pill we all look for to help our alcoholics. It was telling us if the alcoholic was still drinking what we could do with the book. The five types of alcoholics in the book were still using and couldn't control their drinking. There was a couple who admitted to having a problem and wanted help but didn't know how to do it - give them the book.

Life would be so much easier if we could just give an alcoholic a book and they would read it and admit they have a problem. But, that doesn't really happen. The Chapter to the Wives gives us hope though as the wives. Something we didn't have. It gives us insight on what the disease is. I understand now when the book says to treat the alcoholic as if he has cancer or an illness.

It also tells me to get on with my life and not worry so much about the alcoholics. A disease is mind blowing. But, there is nothing anyone can do except the patient him/herself. It's not for us to decide to proper method of medication for the alcoholic. It's up to us to get the proper medication for our codependency - a meeting, a friend, a few slogans.

If you haven't read this chapter read it with a clear mind. If you are like me and got ticked off the first time read it again with this insight in the back of your mind. Maybe it would help to clear your mind, too.

And I sure to do hope the alcoholics read this chapter themselves and hope they understand what their wives, family, and friends had to deal with when they were still using.

CatsPajamas

Angel,

This is a great topic! That one Chapter to the Wives is most likely the impetus behind Al Anon as a separate group. (I'm not up on all my background/history) Regardless, I think that chapter serves a number of purposes, not the least of which is to let family members know they are NOT alone, and that they can find happiness and contentment whether the A continues to drink or not.

It also clearly establishes the mind set that you are dealing with a disease and not just bad behavior, which allows just a bit of compassion to sneak in.

I also highly recommend another Al Anon book - Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage. It was an eye opener for me.

Hugs
Cats

denny57

I've read it numerous times and each time I remain convinced it was not written with me in mind, but the alcoholic, specifically Mr. Wilson.

FormerDoormat

I couldn't agree more, Denny.

CatsPajamas

You know, Denny and FD.... you're probably right! I never thought of it from that perspective.

hope2bhappy

I always found it very helpful. Perhaps I was just grasping for straws of hope, but who cares? Whatever works.

cagefree

I love the phrase I heard at my first Al Anon meeting - take what you like...leave the rest

Growing

AMEN!!!!!!!

I am learning not to pick up what I don't like. Especially, not to pick up something I don't like and use it as a weapon to throttle someone with.

I happen to like aa and alanon materials so I "pick them up" often.