Kristina Is In Jail!!!

Old 02-25-2008, 03:28 AM
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Kristina Is In Jail!!!

Hi everyone. I haven't posted in a while because of all the drama going on with my A/D. Well no big surprise she finally ended up in jail for Heroin possession. The irony of it all is when her sister got the call(we have a collect call block on our phone ,which I forgot all about (long story).

To bring you up to speed my daghter Kristina has been using Heroin now for about 4 years. She started at 15, she just turned 19, 3 wks ago and if I had to estimate I think in total she may have about 7 months clean in 4 yrs. Un fortunately I went the whole enabling route, right up to a wk ago,Wed when she got arrested. I let her con me into thing she was going to an N/A meeting and "said one of her friends from N/A was picking her up" right.

To make a long story short (one of my worst fears finally came to pass she got, arrested) The ironic part is I wasn't really that surprised, sad but not surprised. This is her first arrest but, Kristina managed to do it to the extreme, not only did she get arrested and landed in the county jail I found out it was her 2nd arrest of the night!! I don't know the exact details but, she was arrested earlier in the night I guess for possession but they let her go on her on recognance. You would think this would have scared her enough to go home and consider herself lucky-----NO not KRISTINA, she had to go out and cop again (because I guess the first time the cops took their drugs so naturally she had to get more. Talk about Divine Intervention.

The first time in my life, I did not run to her rescue and bail her out. This is very hard but, I know she has to be there for a while,in order to start facing the consequences of her addiction.

I was kidding myself this past month when she signed her self out of detox and took off with A/BF only to use again. She was out in the streets for 12 days,then went back to detox. I picked her up on Fri. and by Wed. she ended up in jail. She claimed she was ready and wanted to be clean (but I had a gut feeling deep down, I knew, this was not it.

Now it has been 5 days and of course she is freaking out to get out of jail, but I know I can't get her out yet. She says this is really her bottom but, if this is too easy for her I'm afraid this won't be her bottom. This is the 1st time in her life she is not getting her own way (none of us is running to her rescue)

I don't know how long it will be until she comes up in court but unless she voluntarily goes for long term treatment (which of course at this point she says that is what she wants) we are not bailing her out. Right now being where she is just might save her life even if she doesn't realize it yet. I don't know if she wants long term treatment just to get out of jail, or if she really seriously wants help. I guess we will see how this plays out. I really pray this will be her real bottom and that jail doesn't become a revolving door!!!

Please pray for us,

sickatheart
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Old 02-25-2008, 04:02 AM
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Thinking of you today, sickatheart! I will say a prayer for your family. You sound stronger, sister. Take care of yourself these next few days
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Old 02-25-2008, 04:04 AM
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The first time in my life, I did not run to her rescue and bail her out. This is very hard but, I know she has to be there for a while,in order to start facing the consequences of her addiction.

......This is the 1st time in her life she is not getting her own way (none of us is running to her rescue)
It's about change, for her and for you. Sounds like you are both off to a good start and new beginnings....yes...beginnings. Jail doesn't have to mean the end, it can be the wake up call she needs.

In many ways it's good this all happened fast for her....perhaps it saved her a lot of trouble that being "out there" can cause.

You are both in my prayers. Prayers that today will be the beginning of a new life for both of you.

Hugs
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Old 02-25-2008, 04:36 AM
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Ann

Thank you for your all of your support!

Joanne
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Old 02-25-2008, 04:39 AM
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((((((((sickatheart&family)))))))

remembering you and yours in my prayers.
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Old 02-25-2008, 05:37 AM
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I know just what you are going through, and myself...I have NEVER bailed my son out of jail, and he's been there quite a few times. I remember the first time he was in there, he called me collect and said "you're gonna have to come bail me out" - what a joke. We have internet phone service now so he CAN'T call me, and it's the best move I ever made, I don't need the drama (son is back in jail again as we speak). He can write me a letter if he wants.

((hugs)) to you and your family...
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Old 02-25-2008, 05:41 AM
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So sorry,however, you know where she is! I too have block on my phone for any "correctional institutions" collects calls. Some of Kasey's creeps were calling every chance they had, so we stopped it. I don't know where my AD is, and like others, for the first time pray she gets picked up and put in jail.

Continued prayers for Kristin,
susan
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Old 02-25-2008, 06:02 AM
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Sickatheart,
Hugs to you, I know how heartbreaking all this drama is, but it sure looks like you're working your recovery to the best advantage, for you. "Hands off the addict!"

What actually worked for my youngest son, was going to court, and being sentenced to 6 month inpatient rehab. He has been sober ever since, and it was 2 years in March.

Your daughter is EXACTLY where her H.P. wants her to be. Maybe this will be a lightbulb moment for her, if she does not get bailed out.

Hugs,
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Old 02-25-2008, 06:45 AM
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My son had an appointment set up to enter rehab when he went to court and the judge didnt care. He wanted him to have some tough love so sentenced him to 90 days! He is two days away from coming home and has never looked better. This may have been the best thing to happen to him. It was his first time in jail also. He needed a wake up call.
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Old 02-25-2008, 06:49 AM
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thinking of you be strong, God Bless
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Old 02-25-2008, 07:27 AM
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So sorry you and Kristina are dealing with this pain. YOU ARE DOING GOOD!. Proud of you! Knowing that, and finding peace in it, is the battle, right? At times like this when our children end up in jail, I am so grateful for this site and our 12 step programs. without it, the disease of addiction would consume us also! The first time my son ended up in jail brought me to Al-Anon, I was spinning out of control with fear, anxiety, and overwhelming sadness and loss. A year later when he is arrested again, it still hurt and saddened but it didn't control my life. I believed he was where he needed to be. ( Wow, I had come far!) And you seem to have also. It is good to hear you still have hope for recovery but you know the path doesn't come from you. they can find the beginning path to recovery in jail, and they have a better chance for a change of heart there then out on the streets. So I'm praying for you both, hoping for the best, but happy you are taking care of you.
Cathy
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Old 02-25-2008, 07:47 AM
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I am thinking Kristina is on the verge of W/D in a lock-down enviornment and is apt to say anything to be rescued/released so she can, as they say, "get well" ( use again).

What's the worst case, if you rescue her?

What's the worst case, if you let her be?

My daughter is 19 and her DOC is also heroin.

Please dig this post up when it's my daughter's turn and I don't know what to do.

You are in my prayers.
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Old 02-25-2008, 07:48 AM
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(((Sick)))

Sometimes this is what they need to wake them up. It didn't work for my RAD the first two times. The third time she was put in jail she came out and got clean, that was 8 months ago. I never bailed her out and never visited her. She knew that if she ever ended up in jail that I would never do either of those things. I told her it would rip my heart out to have to visit her behind bars and I wouldn't put myself through that. She is my only girl, I have two sons and neither have ever been arrested. They didn't walk down the path that she did.

On a positive note, she took care of her own recovery. She is clean today and sees a pdoc and therapist. She continues to take bipolar meds and she is doing pretty well.
She still lives with me and it is still hard, however she knows she can live here as long as she stays clean. I have reasonable boundaries......which she slides on sometimes, but on the grand scheme of things they are small compared to the way she used to live.

This just may be what shakes Kristina up. She will have a lot of time to think about what she is doing with her life. She will realize what a dangerous lifestyle she is living. She will be in jail with some people who are probably a lot tougher than her and hopefully she will be able to realize that she doesn't want that to be her life.

I remember the crying, begging, the pleading to get her out. I never caved, I even hung up on her after I told her I loved her and she just wasn't going to get her way this time. She had to accept the situation as I have had to do so many times.

God bless you and Kristina...............Lo
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Old 02-25-2008, 08:04 AM
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:praying and lots of hugs!
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Old 02-25-2008, 08:59 AM
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She did this to herself... and now she is reaping a consequence of the lifestyle she is choosing ... It takes much strength to refrain from rescuing. It takes much courage to have faith that allowing her to feel the consequences is just what she needs. It takes the pa out of arty and puts it where it belongs= pain .. addicts hate pain .. we run from it .. but if you can't get out to run .. then the pain is where it belongs .. on her shoulders. If she is allowed to feel the weight of her addiction full and made to bare it herself .. it can be just the motivator she needs to get the monkey off her back.

Believe me .. carrying around the cross of addiction gets to be very tiresome/overwhelming even ..

Just think of how tiresome and overwhelming it has become for you when you were cleaning up all her mess ups, rescuing her, trying to fix her .. Put all the weight of her addiction/her behavior and the problems it spawns on her shoulders and she will see that using isn't all that she thought it was... at least that is how it worked for me ... I know everyone is different .. but I can't imagine the weight being much different .. so I am a big believer in allowing the addict to reap what he sows .. (not out of mean-ness, but out of love) after all it is her life .. she wants you to let her live it .. this is a part of doing that.

Kudos to you.

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Old 02-25-2008, 01:50 PM
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Tough Love

Thanks to all of you for all of your understanding, supprt and prayers. I am gratefull to have found SR at this dark time in my life. It helps knowing so many people understand what I am going through because, there are times when I feel like I am losing my mind. It is a great comfort knowing I am not alone, especially when the drama and sickness of addiction become so overwhelming.

Hugs and prayers

Sickatheart
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Old 02-25-2008, 01:56 PM
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Two arrests in one night? yikes! She was lucky enough to avoid jail the first arrest! Usually, the judge will sentence her to rehab. However, sometimes the judge will just seek jail/prison time. Addiction is truely cunning, baffling and powefull.
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Old 02-25-2008, 02:10 PM
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I clicked onto this thread because it was a new post. I am Blessed to have a 19 year old son who I can with a pretty good amount of confidence say has never used. How can I say this? He saw everything it did to me. I'm 2 years, 7 months Clean & Sober today, addict/alcoholic. I needed to read this thread. Not that I have any thoughts of using, my life has never been better. But it helps me remember that I have hurt alot of people while I was out there. Especially my Family, namely my Mom, Dad and Son!

I applaude you for having the courage to share your pain on here. My Mom wouldn't go to Alanon, she said she didn't need help, I was the one with the problem. Even though I'm am on my feet for the first time in my life, my Mom has many issues that stem from the hell I put her and the rest of the family through the 32 years I used. I was only 11 years old when I first picked up, so you can only imagine the pain and misery that those years were filled with. I had very brief periods of Clean time, but it was just that, only clean time. I didn't change anything in my life except stopped putting the chemicals in my body. Look where it got me.

I wish Recovery for all of your Children and Family Members who are suffering as a result of this disease. I think it is truly incredible that you support your loved ones, but no longer enable them. What I realize now that part of supporting an alcoholic/addict individual is to practice tough love.

Thanks for letting me share and I will pray for all of you.

God Bless
Judy
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Old 02-25-2008, 05:55 PM
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I'm so sorry you are going through this...I know how awful it feels, but truly she is right where her HP needs her. I do agree that right now, although you may be seeing a bit of the daughter you know, the drug is probably pulling her big time and she will promise anything to get out. I learned once the hard way that it is never a good thing to have time, even overnight, in between detox and rehab...so easy to go back out for that one last time. As hard as this is, you may be saving her life by keeping her in jail. Big hugs and lots of prayers.
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Old 02-25-2008, 06:28 PM
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I sometimes pop in the FandF just to remind myself what my family went through with me.
Sickatheart..You already stated what you need to do. But if your anything like my grams was....Your gonna be torn up inside and the constant crying and pleading and excuses may just break you.
I can tell you dont buy into it. The courts help addicts into treatment and sometimes mandate it. If she has withdrawls...Theres an infermory in jail.
I wish my grandmother would have let me stew in my own misery the very first time. It may have saved me many more years of destruction and close calls with death.
I was you daughters age when I started getting into drugs and trouble real bad. Now I am 32 and not until this last November did my gram and my entire family FINALLY let me sit and suffer. I got a big taste of tough love real fast. And I have to tell you...I have over 2 months clean and sober for the first time ever.
I didnt think this then...Of course not..I just had to get out of there and all the promises I could make I did.
Your making a brave a good decision. She may get upset with you now. But when that fog clears and she comes around. She will thank you for it.
Take care of yourself and be gentle to you.
I wish you luck and am thinking of you.
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