What Does It Mean To You?
Illegitimi Non Carborundum
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Old Home Terra
Posts: 4,272
What Does It Mean To You?
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.
(For those of you who don't recognize it, that is Step 1 in AA)...
I'm not trying to turn this into an AA thing, nor am I trying to focus exclusively on recovery from alcoholism... Insert your DOC (drug of choice) for "alcohol" and let's talk about it.
What does it mean to you?
At the heart of my first step is the following...
1) I have absolutely no ability whatsoever to control the effect that alcohol and alcohol use has on me... There is nothing I can do, say, think, learn, or get which will change what alcohol does when its in my system... Its a chemical. Its going to react according to its nature. It will "do its thing" regardless of what I do... There is nothing I can do to change that. There is nothing I can do to control that.
2) For me, the effects of alcohol are always bad... Always... It may not have been that way my whole life, but it is certainly and definitely that way now... How I got to this point is practically meaningless compared to what I will do now that I AM at this point... Alcohol use always results in something bad for me, whether it happens immediately or as a net cumulative effect over time. It doesn't matter. For me, alcohol use always results in something bad.
3) The more I try to deny it, the worse it becomes... I have years of personal "experimental proof" to draw on. It is what it is, and no amount of "wishful thinking" on my part will change that... The only beneficial way I can exercise my "right to drink" is by exercising my right NOT to drink... I accept this.
What do you think? ... I'm especially interested in hearing from the newcomers, but all opinions are welcome!
(For those of you who don't recognize it, that is Step 1 in AA)...
I'm not trying to turn this into an AA thing, nor am I trying to focus exclusively on recovery from alcoholism... Insert your DOC (drug of choice) for "alcohol" and let's talk about it.
What does it mean to you?
At the heart of my first step is the following...
1) I have absolutely no ability whatsoever to control the effect that alcohol and alcohol use has on me... There is nothing I can do, say, think, learn, or get which will change what alcohol does when its in my system... Its a chemical. Its going to react according to its nature. It will "do its thing" regardless of what I do... There is nothing I can do to change that. There is nothing I can do to control that.
2) For me, the effects of alcohol are always bad... Always... It may not have been that way my whole life, but it is certainly and definitely that way now... How I got to this point is practically meaningless compared to what I will do now that I AM at this point... Alcohol use always results in something bad for me, whether it happens immediately or as a net cumulative effect over time. It doesn't matter. For me, alcohol use always results in something bad.
3) The more I try to deny it, the worse it becomes... I have years of personal "experimental proof" to draw on. It is what it is, and no amount of "wishful thinking" on my part will change that... The only beneficial way I can exercise my "right to drink" is by exercising my right NOT to drink... I accept this.
What do you think? ... I'm especially interested in hearing from the newcomers, but all opinions are welcome!
Adjusting my Sails
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,021
Hi GreenTea, thanks for this thread. I have been Inelectually challenged by this concept. Powerless.
I have pushed everyone who has ever meant anything to me away. I have missed out on many special ocasions because I was drunk and I can't remember most of the others. I have lost my wife, kids, home, several jobs, freedom and self worth because the only thing I could think of was my next drink. My probation officer told me if I drink again I will go back to jail for a year. My doctor did some tests on my liver and said if I kept drinking and taking pills the way I was I would be dead in a year, that was two years.
And yet I still drink. There is nothing on this earth that can give me power over alcohol....alone. Gods will, AA, "we" can keep me sober (in recovery) but I will never have power over alcohol.
If I place anything obove my recovery today that will be the first thing I lose with my first drink. Alcohol has no room for two masters and when I drink I am it's slave. I know that......and yet I drink.
I have pushed everyone who has ever meant anything to me away. I have missed out on many special ocasions because I was drunk and I can't remember most of the others. I have lost my wife, kids, home, several jobs, freedom and self worth because the only thing I could think of was my next drink. My probation officer told me if I drink again I will go back to jail for a year. My doctor did some tests on my liver and said if I kept drinking and taking pills the way I was I would be dead in a year, that was two years.
And yet I still drink. There is nothing on this earth that can give me power over alcohol....alone. Gods will, AA, "we" can keep me sober (in recovery) but I will never have power over alcohol.
If I place anything obove my recovery today that will be the first thing I lose with my first drink. Alcohol has no room for two masters and when I drink I am it's slave. I know that......and yet I drink.
Spiritual Being
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Louisville
Posts: 138
I have a different view. I believe I have a genetic prerequisite that I can either exploit or deny. Making the decision to quit using drugs doesn't mean that I have to render myself powerless but rather I have to render myself powerful. I believe admitting that you are powerless is detrimental to the psyche. We all have the power to change our future as well as our now. I will be strong and I will preserver.
I hate to quote something as corny as a Batman movie but, "Why do we fall down? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up again."
Of course all this is just my personal philosophy. I think we should all stick with what works best for us.
I hate to quote something as corny as a Batman movie but, "Why do we fall down? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up again."
Of course all this is just my personal philosophy. I think we should all stick with what works best for us.
Anxiety King
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 403
Good question Green Tea, because I'm having trouble with it.
I admit I'm powerless over alcohol. It's the 'my life has become unmanageable' part that is giving me trouble. In all honesty, it hasn't. Sure there were more problem when I was drinking, but I could easily take care of them along with all other aspects of life. I asked a fellow AA member about this, and he just told me to pray to my HP for guidence. I have, but I'm still at the same place.
So I was wondering if there's another interpretation of this I could use? Like accepting a general HP instead of God.
I admit I'm powerless over alcohol. It's the 'my life has become unmanageable' part that is giving me trouble. In all honesty, it hasn't. Sure there were more problem when I was drinking, but I could easily take care of them along with all other aspects of life. I asked a fellow AA member about this, and he just told me to pray to my HP for guidence. I have, but I'm still at the same place.
So I was wondering if there's another interpretation of this I could use? Like accepting a general HP instead of God.
member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,433
My take on this changes constantly, but I guess I always relate it with the need to surrender. Not necessarily in a "my-hand-are-tied" helpless way (although it might be the case for alcoholics)... For some time I've felt that my HP is Life itself, to me there's no greater power than Life. So it's about being powerless over Life itself, not just alcohol; instead of struggling and white-knuckling it, it's about letting go, surrendering. That's when Life opens up for us and becomes a blessing. Like most things, it's a paradox. Hope that made sense, I'm on day 4 and in a fog.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Upstate, N.Y.
Posts: 4,639
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.
It took me a long time to get this step. I never lost a job, family, home, never got any DWI's.
I lost myself from drinking. I hit bottom emotional, physically, and spiritually. I was a housewife drunk that drank everyday and didn't want to go anywhere, or do anything. I didn't take care of myself, I didn't want to bath, brush my teeth, I couldn't even keep up with taking care of my house.
It effected my love life with my husband. I was either too drunk, or hungover and didn't want to be bothered. If we did i was in a blackout and couldn't remember.
That's how alcohol made my life unmanageable. I have to remember this everyday that I'm powerless over alcohol or I'll be right back in that crazy madness. It was a very lonely way i lived and i don't want to go back there.
Barb
It took me a long time to get this step. I never lost a job, family, home, never got any DWI's.
I lost myself from drinking. I hit bottom emotional, physically, and spiritually. I was a housewife drunk that drank everyday and didn't want to go anywhere, or do anything. I didn't take care of myself, I didn't want to bath, brush my teeth, I couldn't even keep up with taking care of my house.
It effected my love life with my husband. I was either too drunk, or hungover and didn't want to be bothered. If we did i was in a blackout and couldn't remember.
That's how alcohol made my life unmanageable. I have to remember this everyday that I'm powerless over alcohol or I'll be right back in that crazy madness. It was a very lonely way i lived and i don't want to go back there.
Barb
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 1,036
Not much to add, GreenTea, you stated it very well. I'm in day 9 and feeling great.
This is my second time around. Until just days ago, I had major issues with "powerless." I have a lot of "accomplishments" in life. I've endured everything that 60 years has given me. Excessive alcohol use certainly made some things more difficult, but I've put 3 kids through college and haven't been without a professional job since 1971.
I felt like SpaceDementia the first time around. Perhaps it's a male thing. I AM powerful. Look what I've done, look what I can do!
Until I parsed the phrase carefully. Failing to maintain sobriety has resulted in freightcarloads of guilt and shame. By feeling powerful, it meant that I was consistently going into battle fully armed and losing. Every bloody time.
The I realized: I am not powerless TO drink. I have a lot of power there. Nine days and my lady's liter of vodka poses no issue (she's "normal." and deserves to enjoy her "normal" life.). I am demonstrating my very great power.
My epiphany, catharsis, or transformative experience occurred when I asked myself one question. "When is the last time you had but ONE beer, Warren?" I can count the situations on the finger of one hand. They were controlled, social situations (dinner out) with people who knew I had drinking issues in the "past."
I then realized that I was indeed powerless WHEN I drink. I can't tell you what a huge relief it is to know that and fully accept that. I am not ashamed of it. I have a deathly allergy as do many people. It simpifies and clarifies things so wonderfully. I can never, ever negotiate with myself again. And nary a drop of alcohol can pass my lips again. EVER.
Today I have been likening it (to myself) as like antifreeze to a dog. Tastes good, but fatal. An agonizing and sure death. Far less grief this time because I know I am not "normal." Once that first beer is in my system, the game is over. I am powerless. My grief? Only that fine meals in the future will not be accompanied by fine wine or a fine microbrew. It adds so much.
You pretty much clarified things, Greentea. The alcoholic in "true" recovery knows with certainty what that drink portends. I sure do. As much as I know what a glass of antifreeze will do. I have no excuses now. No existential arguing with myself. Simple, simple, simple.
warrens
This is my second time around. Until just days ago, I had major issues with "powerless." I have a lot of "accomplishments" in life. I've endured everything that 60 years has given me. Excessive alcohol use certainly made some things more difficult, but I've put 3 kids through college and haven't been without a professional job since 1971.
I felt like SpaceDementia the first time around. Perhaps it's a male thing. I AM powerful. Look what I've done, look what I can do!
Until I parsed the phrase carefully. Failing to maintain sobriety has resulted in freightcarloads of guilt and shame. By feeling powerful, it meant that I was consistently going into battle fully armed and losing. Every bloody time.
The I realized: I am not powerless TO drink. I have a lot of power there. Nine days and my lady's liter of vodka poses no issue (she's "normal." and deserves to enjoy her "normal" life.). I am demonstrating my very great power.
My epiphany, catharsis, or transformative experience occurred when I asked myself one question. "When is the last time you had but ONE beer, Warren?" I can count the situations on the finger of one hand. They were controlled, social situations (dinner out) with people who knew I had drinking issues in the "past."
I then realized that I was indeed powerless WHEN I drink. I can't tell you what a huge relief it is to know that and fully accept that. I am not ashamed of it. I have a deathly allergy as do many people. It simpifies and clarifies things so wonderfully. I can never, ever negotiate with myself again. And nary a drop of alcohol can pass my lips again. EVER.
Today I have been likening it (to myself) as like antifreeze to a dog. Tastes good, but fatal. An agonizing and sure death. Far less grief this time because I know I am not "normal." Once that first beer is in my system, the game is over. I am powerless. My grief? Only that fine meals in the future will not be accompanied by fine wine or a fine microbrew. It adds so much.
You pretty much clarified things, Greentea. The alcoholic in "true" recovery knows with certainty what that drink portends. I sure do. As much as I know what a glass of antifreeze will do. I have no excuses now. No existential arguing with myself. Simple, simple, simple.
warrens
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
When I first saw this step, I thought, "Well, yeh, duh! of course!! Yes, I WAS powerless over alcohol....my life HAD become unmanageable........
Yes, I WAS powerless over alcohol....when I put it into my body; like a lot of folks say.....: I have an allergy.....everytime I put alcohol into my body, I would break out in handcuffs..... lol (true-dat.....hehehehe).
...and unmanageability??? for me, my life was unmanageable; I had enough to do to maintain my 'highs' .... but was my life truly unmanageable? Well, it was actually quite manageable for some folks.....like my employers, the cops, attorneys, judges, the courts, the guards, etc. in the jails 'n prisons......doesn't that count for something.....lol ....... NOPE ..... but I wanted to be able to manage my own life.....
Well, it's been while, but today I can honestly say.....I am NO LONGER powerless over alcohol; I DO have POWER over alcohol [as long as I don't put it into my body (that step is right.....it's written in the past tense, after all) and I no longer even want it....wooohooo. I live a very simple life, and it's totally manageable for me (of course, I gotta keep it simple; I am simple, after all......lol......)
NoelleR
DOS: 6/23/86
Yes, I WAS powerless over alcohol....when I put it into my body; like a lot of folks say.....: I have an allergy.....everytime I put alcohol into my body, I would break out in handcuffs..... lol (true-dat.....hehehehe).
...and unmanageability??? for me, my life was unmanageable; I had enough to do to maintain my 'highs' .... but was my life truly unmanageable? Well, it was actually quite manageable for some folks.....like my employers, the cops, attorneys, judges, the courts, the guards, etc. in the jails 'n prisons......doesn't that count for something.....lol ....... NOPE ..... but I wanted to be able to manage my own life.....
Well, it's been while, but today I can honestly say.....I am NO LONGER powerless over alcohol; I DO have POWER over alcohol [as long as I don't put it into my body (that step is right.....it's written in the past tense, after all) and I no longer even want it....wooohooo. I live a very simple life, and it's totally manageable for me (of course, I gotta keep it simple; I am simple, after all......lol......)
NoelleR
DOS: 6/23/86
God is my benzo
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Charlotte, nc
Posts: 198
i can't live with alcohol, and I can't live without it
or
i'm afraid of what happens if I take a drink and I'm afraid of what happens if I don't
powerless to me means once I take any alcohol whatsoever into my system, all bets are off
unmanageable to me means I have tried to run the show my way and it's not working
or
i'm afraid of what happens if I take a drink and I'm afraid of what happens if I don't
powerless to me means once I take any alcohol whatsoever into my system, all bets are off
unmanageable to me means I have tried to run the show my way and it's not working
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
I'm not an alcoholic but had to learn in my program to insert the words 'people, places and things' in place the word 'alcohol' in that first step.
Once I figured out that I was powerless over someone else's choices, my life became more manageable. I learned to stop trying to fix other people's problems and to begin to make better choices for myself.
Once I figured out that I was powerless over someone else's choices, my life became more manageable. I learned to stop trying to fix other people's problems and to begin to make better choices for myself.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 149
Hi GT!
I am struggling with this, but unmanagable and powerless mean to me
1) Every relationship that I had for the last 14 year was initiated in a bar and ended, most times badly
2) I have spent more money on booze on monthly basis then rent
3) I casuallywas dismantling my assets as I snorting my time away
4) I dont' know what else I missed as I was drinking, recoverying, or planning my next party
5) I feel like the most selfish person I know on the planet,
6) I gave myself a subconsious reason to fail and self-fullfilled a phropecy of not being good enough
7) I took for granted all the unbelievalge gifts God has given me
I have come to realize that my HP has a plan for me, has led me right here , right now. And I powerless to create anything beside misery if I continue to resist.
I have been a weekend warrior for so long, I honestly don't know what elese to do when I am not drinking (Except stay home, work, watch movies).
I have gone to 2 aa meetings, but not sure if this is the answer for me.
I am struggling with this, but unmanagable and powerless mean to me
1) Every relationship that I had for the last 14 year was initiated in a bar and ended, most times badly
2) I have spent more money on booze on monthly basis then rent
3) I casuallywas dismantling my assets as I snorting my time away
4) I dont' know what else I missed as I was drinking, recoverying, or planning my next party
5) I feel like the most selfish person I know on the planet,
6) I gave myself a subconsious reason to fail and self-fullfilled a phropecy of not being good enough
7) I took for granted all the unbelievalge gifts God has given me
I have come to realize that my HP has a plan for me, has led me right here , right now. And I powerless to create anything beside misery if I continue to resist.
I have been a weekend warrior for so long, I honestly don't know what elese to do when I am not drinking (Except stay home, work, watch movies).
I have gone to 2 aa meetings, but not sure if this is the answer for me.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
My alcoholism manifest itself in depression.
I was stuck in a cycle of mental misery.
I still had all the trmmings of success.
For years I had vowed that if alcohol
interferred with my work...I would quit drinking.
I got fired and was in an AA meeting a few hours later.
Then I was astounded to find I could not quit
when I desired to do so.
Egads! I was powerless and my life had become
unmanageable..
Letting go of my delusions was the key for me.
I was stuck in a cycle of mental misery.
I still had all the trmmings of success.
For years I had vowed that if alcohol
interferred with my work...I would quit drinking.
I got fired and was in an AA meeting a few hours later.
Then I was astounded to find I could not quit
when I desired to do so.
Egads! I was powerless and my life had become
unmanageable..
Letting go of my delusions was the key for me.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
i'm powerless over that first drink or drug..
sooner, and maybe sooner then later... my life will be a mess again, and more so my mind, my thinking and my actions... (unmanageable)
i do have power how i do battle with not picking up that first drink...
my new way of reacting to life, and myself..
its called... recovery...
i dont use aunt tillys recovery program!
good wishes!
rz
sooner, and maybe sooner then later... my life will be a mess again, and more so my mind, my thinking and my actions... (unmanageable)
i do have power how i do battle with not picking up that first drink...
my new way of reacting to life, and myself..
its called... recovery...
i dont use aunt tillys recovery program!
good wishes!
rz
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