A little advice on how to face the music?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 101
A little advice on how to face the music?
So I have been sober from benzos for sometime now...and I was doing well. BUT in a weak moment, I got my hands on about 20. For those of you that do not know the side effects of benzos it's pretty bad....it causes blackouts, among other things.
Long story short, I have no clue what the hell happened at work on Wednesday. No freaking clue. I don't even remember how I got home. Another thing with benzos is that it causes you to be totally irrational. Like when your sad, your extra sad, when your angry your extra angry. Everything is amplified by 100. So anyway, my brother sends me a text saying that him and my mother are taking my grandmother to hospital. Sober Timmy would have took in stride because it wasn' serious at all. Crazy Timmy aka high Timmy went completely nuts. I'm thinking she's going to die...and I'm telling everyone this...just being a complete nut. The next day (still loaded) I call my job crying telling them so big 'ol fat lie about my mother (I didn't think grandmother was enough). Sober, I'm a horrible liar. The truth was I was too hung over and ill to go. The next day I didm't go in because now that the I am physically better, mentally I'm totally embarassed. I didn't go to my classes because I was too loaded. Basically I just laughed in the face of responsibility and went on a binge. February was a rough month...I was absent from work a couple times before this.
So how can I explain this one? Has anyone else gone through this with the job? I'm not down on myself about the relaspe...I have accepted that part. It's just the clean up after that sucks...any pointers on how to get through it?
Long story short, I have no clue what the hell happened at work on Wednesday. No freaking clue. I don't even remember how I got home. Another thing with benzos is that it causes you to be totally irrational. Like when your sad, your extra sad, when your angry your extra angry. Everything is amplified by 100. So anyway, my brother sends me a text saying that him and my mother are taking my grandmother to hospital. Sober Timmy would have took in stride because it wasn' serious at all. Crazy Timmy aka high Timmy went completely nuts. I'm thinking she's going to die...and I'm telling everyone this...just being a complete nut. The next day (still loaded) I call my job crying telling them so big 'ol fat lie about my mother (I didn't think grandmother was enough). Sober, I'm a horrible liar. The truth was I was too hung over and ill to go. The next day I didm't go in because now that the I am physically better, mentally I'm totally embarassed. I didn't go to my classes because I was too loaded. Basically I just laughed in the face of responsibility and went on a binge. February was a rough month...I was absent from work a couple times before this.
So how can I explain this one? Has anyone else gone through this with the job? I'm not down on myself about the relaspe...I have accepted that part. It's just the clean up after that sucks...any pointers on how to get through it?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
Hi,
Wow, I sure do remember those awful clean-ups, or attempted clean-ups. It would take some much energy trying to remember what I said or done or forgotten.
I don't know what your work situation is like. Is it possible that you can go to your boss and tell the truth about what has been happening and then move forward? Honesty is always the best and simplest route.
Wow, I sure do remember those awful clean-ups, or attempted clean-ups. It would take some much energy trying to remember what I said or done or forgotten.
I don't know what your work situation is like. Is it possible that you can go to your boss and tell the truth about what has been happening and then move forward? Honesty is always the best and simplest route.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: WA, USA
Posts: 2,591
Hi Ms. Timmy,
I'm an old hat at calling sick into work because I have a hangover or I decided to drink that day instead of working. I always hated going in the next day, worried that someone would ask if I felt better (which they always did.) It is a drain on the spirit to lie, but that is what alcoholics/addicts do. I lie to everyone about my alcohol consumption. I don't know really what advice to give other than hope they don't ask too many questions, learn from this incident, and never do it again. This situation you are in is soo hard, I'm sorry I couldn't be more help. If you can, tell the truth, that is the best thing to do.
I'm an old hat at calling sick into work because I have a hangover or I decided to drink that day instead of working. I always hated going in the next day, worried that someone would ask if I felt better (which they always did.) It is a drain on the spirit to lie, but that is what alcoholics/addicts do. I lie to everyone about my alcohol consumption. I don't know really what advice to give other than hope they don't ask too many questions, learn from this incident, and never do it again. This situation you are in is soo hard, I'm sorry I couldn't be more help. If you can, tell the truth, that is the best thing to do.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 101
nah, don't be sorry. Sometimes just knowing that I am not the only one going through this type of thing is good enough.
That's the worst part! the questions...are you okay, is your mom okay. I want to say so badly, "there was never anything wrong!" But I can't.
They say the best way to get past anxiety is to just deal with the situation that is giving you the anxiety...but it's very hard.
I wonder if they know I'm lying...arrghh who knows.
That's the worst part! the questions...are you okay, is your mom okay. I want to say so badly, "there was never anything wrong!" But I can't.
They say the best way to get past anxiety is to just deal with the situation that is giving you the anxiety...but it's very hard.
I wonder if they know I'm lying...arrghh who knows.
member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,433
Hi,
This is a tough one. Been there, showing up to work either drunk or hungover (mostly the latter). Rumours flew I soon discovered, and apparently many people can actually smell on you the few glasses of wine you've had the night before.
The most important bit is: are you okay now? That should be your foremost concern.
We all like to talk and gossip. Do you have anyone you really trust at work? If so, maybe you could try talking with that peson first and assess the damage - but only if it's a "safe" person, not just a casual acquaintance.
I hate to say this but, though I try to live by the truth, sometimes acknowledging your misstep to yourself and moving on is better than making a huge deal out of the situation. Again, people will always talk. If you feel it's appropriate, though, telling the truth is always the best option.
Good luck
This is a tough one. Been there, showing up to work either drunk or hungover (mostly the latter). Rumours flew I soon discovered, and apparently many people can actually smell on you the few glasses of wine you've had the night before.
The most important bit is: are you okay now? That should be your foremost concern.
We all like to talk and gossip. Do you have anyone you really trust at work? If so, maybe you could try talking with that peson first and assess the damage - but only if it's a "safe" person, not just a casual acquaintance.
I hate to say this but, though I try to live by the truth, sometimes acknowledging your misstep to yourself and moving on is better than making a huge deal out of the situation. Again, people will always talk. If you feel it's appropriate, though, telling the truth is always the best option.
Good luck
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I sense you are afraid of being fired
due to missing work and this blackout episode.
If so..spend the weekendd updating your
resume Make a list of people who can
network job leads with you.
If you do lose this job...get quickly on the move.
Go to the local unemployment office and see
what benefits you qualify for.
I strongly suggest you do not quit this job
until another is in place.
Just show up Monday...hold your head up
Say your Mom is doing well
and move forward with the day.
If your boss wants to know WTF tell the truth.
You may fail a drug test anyway.
JMO
due to missing work and this blackout episode.
If so..spend the weekendd updating your
resume Make a list of people who can
network job leads with you.
If you do lose this job...get quickly on the move.
Go to the local unemployment office and see
what benefits you qualify for.
I strongly suggest you do not quit this job
until another is in place.
Just show up Monday...hold your head up
Say your Mom is doing well
and move forward with the day.
If your boss wants to know WTF tell the truth.
You may fail a drug test anyway.
JMO
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 101
I hear ya Carol....
I'm thinking of maybe going in early to avoid the 9am rush of everyone coming into work. The funny thing is that I did update my resume and started posting it...better to be prepared.
The ironic thing is that my boss is a drinker...I don't know if he's an alcoholic though. There have been a few occasions that he had came close to me and I smelled alcohol after lunch.
He's definitely no angel, but they are usually the worst one's to deal with.
And yup I'm fine. I feel pretty good physically...and emotionally things are coming back in line. It takes a while to regulate. The thing with binging on benzos is that when you stop, it's like ripping off a band-aid before the wound is healed. I know what I have to do...at least I managed to nail down my trigger, and that's boredom, and too much of a routine. I enrolled in school, made some new friends...but that turned into a routine as well. I have to nip it in the bud before it's to the point that I want to use. Like going away for a weekend, or volunteering...something that shakes things up instead of a bottle of pills.
I'm thinking of maybe going in early to avoid the 9am rush of everyone coming into work. The funny thing is that I did update my resume and started posting it...better to be prepared.
The ironic thing is that my boss is a drinker...I don't know if he's an alcoholic though. There have been a few occasions that he had came close to me and I smelled alcohol after lunch.
He's definitely no angel, but they are usually the worst one's to deal with.
And yup I'm fine. I feel pretty good physically...and emotionally things are coming back in line. It takes a while to regulate. The thing with binging on benzos is that when you stop, it's like ripping off a band-aid before the wound is healed. I know what I have to do...at least I managed to nail down my trigger, and that's boredom, and too much of a routine. I enrolled in school, made some new friends...but that turned into a routine as well. I have to nip it in the bud before it's to the point that I want to use. Like going away for a weekend, or volunteering...something that shakes things up instead of a bottle of pills.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Boy, I spent all last year doing the very same thing. Most of the time I didnt even bother calling. Just decided I would deal with that part when the time came. How I kept the one job 4 times over is beyond me. Alot to do with my friend being a mgr I know.
I could kick my own ass for the couple good jobs and one great opportunity I messed up bigtime because of using.
After going through 4 jobs and totally humiliating myself and burning bridges I so regret now.
I came to the conclusion that the only way I myself could ever deal with those situations. Or better yet...Make sure they never happened again. Was to get help. Now I dont know about you but I had to go inpatient. I kept fooling myself thinking outpatient, One on one, I wont let that happen again, make me steer as far clear of inpatient and accepting what I definately had to do if I were to ever get some kind of control in my life.
I am a very hard worker and should be holding down a great position with a title by now.
But me letting my addiction rule everything in my life and having to keep saving face and starting over has prevented me from that.
I dont know about you....But I am sick and tired of working to make someone else look good.
I say face it head on say what you gotta say and what happens happens.
But I think the only way is to get some kind of help or work some kind of program.
If your like me there is absolutely no way around that.
Otherwise it is just going to become another cycle in your addiction.
I could kick my own ass for the couple good jobs and one great opportunity I messed up bigtime because of using.
After going through 4 jobs and totally humiliating myself and burning bridges I so regret now.
I came to the conclusion that the only way I myself could ever deal with those situations. Or better yet...Make sure they never happened again. Was to get help. Now I dont know about you but I had to go inpatient. I kept fooling myself thinking outpatient, One on one, I wont let that happen again, make me steer as far clear of inpatient and accepting what I definately had to do if I were to ever get some kind of control in my life.
I am a very hard worker and should be holding down a great position with a title by now.
But me letting my addiction rule everything in my life and having to keep saving face and starting over has prevented me from that.
I dont know about you....But I am sick and tired of working to make someone else look good.
I say face it head on say what you gotta say and what happens happens.
But I think the only way is to get some kind of help or work some kind of program.
If your like me there is absolutely no way around that.
Otherwise it is just going to become another cycle in your addiction.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
Mrs T... how to face the music...
how bout the dance of truth?
Mrs T hey, booze did that to me!
and combine that w/benzos... yowzer!
good wishes on the job bit Mrs T
rz
how bout the dance of truth?
Mrs T
Another thing with benzos is that it causes you to be totally irrational. Like when your sad, your extra sad, when your angry your extra angry. Everything is amplified by 100
and combine that w/benzos... yowzer!
good wishes on the job bit Mrs T
rz
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
Wow, it sounds like you were reading a chapter in "my story" I did sooooo many things at jobs that were unbelieveable. Usually they got me fired the very next day I showed up. But the last 2 jobs I worked at before I got Clean & Sober, when the s*@T hit the fan, I was suprised at how many people actually knew already that I had a problem. I thought that I hid it so well. I didn't.One of them,I had to telll the truth(which I really minimized) in order to keep the job. I had pretty much already been fired and I went for the pity save so to speak. That's when the owner of the company looked at me and said,'Its about time you admit it, I knew.' He gave me the opportunity to get help. I was on probation at work, which I eventually screwed up but I was given the chance. I think honesty is the best policy. I don't feel that throwing every single detail out though is wise, just the basics.When I was using, I couldn't keep up with the lies I told to cover up for the lies I told to cover up for the other lies I told. There comes a time to own up to everything, face the music and move on. Don't drag the dumpster full of crap around any longer. It only gets fuller, it you know what I mean.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 101
geez queen...I'm thinking about it...
You know, I don't have a hard time with telling the truth, but I am afraid of the consequences. I'm afraid I will hear..."Well damn...now you REALLY have to go". This is the first time I went to work loaded. It can go either way at this point. Even though I don't remember EVERYTHING that went down, I do remember bits and pieces. I remember picking up the phone before it had a chance to ring, making a pot of starbucks for everyone, asking my boss about a presentation I have to make. BUT I do also remember getting a little crazy with surfing the web, running my mouth on the phone (desk and cell) quite a bit, and getting into with my co-worker about being proud to be an American (who does that?). I would say things start getting sketchy at about 3pm.
You know, I don't have a hard time with telling the truth, but I am afraid of the consequences. I'm afraid I will hear..."Well damn...now you REALLY have to go". This is the first time I went to work loaded. It can go either way at this point. Even though I don't remember EVERYTHING that went down, I do remember bits and pieces. I remember picking up the phone before it had a chance to ring, making a pot of starbucks for everyone, asking my boss about a presentation I have to make. BUT I do also remember getting a little crazy with surfing the web, running my mouth on the phone (desk and cell) quite a bit, and getting into with my co-worker about being proud to be an American (who does that?). I would say things start getting sketchy at about 3pm.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
and getting into with my co-worker about being proud to be an American (who does that?).
Only because I have been there. And I have said the same thing. Who does that?
HAHA...Addicts do. Thats who.
Well, You sound like you know what you should do.
I am a firm believer that all things happen for a reason. Good or bad.
I am a Karma believer. If your heart is where it should be. Nothing else matters because it will all fall into place.
Reminds me of a thread I am going to start when I get home.
Good luck hon...Hope you learn from all this and do what you need to.
Illegitimi Non Carborundum
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Old Home Terra
Posts: 4,272
That's a rough one...
On the one hand, you'll never be totally free from a lie until you come clean about it... "We are only as sick as our secrets".
On the other hand, admitting to lying at work is about the same as asking to be fired... "Liars can not be trusted... Ever".
Presumably the benzos were from a prescription that a doctor gave you, (the alternative is typically a felony, and you don't want to go there). I think they're often prescribed for things like anxiety.
How much of a whopper did you tell? ... Is anyone supposed to get "buried" later this week?
I'm not sure how I would handle it. These are choices you have to make and live with, (laying in bed, in the dark, alone, just you and God).
If you're not interested in keeping the job, then maybe simply keeping a "stiff upper lip" about it all while you find something better would be a good choice. You'll still need to find some way to square it with your conscience.
If you do want to keep the job, then I'd start by talking about it with your boss ans seeing what the reaction is... Let him/her know that you were taking some medication and kind of went off the deep end as a result...
Its not really your mother, its your grandmother, (although maybe sometimes you call her "mama" instead of "granny"). The situation isn't really as bad as you made it out to be -- again, reaction to the meds -- although you *are* very concerned about what's going on with her.
You feel horrible about the whole thing, and scared, and are also worried about what's going to happen at work. You're afraid that you've lost all credibility with your co-workers, and with your boss, and you want to fix that so that everyone can move on and keep working together.
You aren't taking the medication anymore, maybe are planning to see another doctor to deal with your your health issues, and have learned from what happened.
More than anything, own the damage. Communicate that you are worried about your job, that you want to do what it takes to clean things up and "outlive" your mistakes, and that you are going to change your behavior to prevent it in the future.
Many would say that this is simply another form of lying... and I can't say that I would disagree with them either... YOU are the one who has to live with what's going on... Is it more important to you to salvage what you can, or is it more important to you to come totally clean about everything knowing that you will get fired over it, and accept the consequences no matter how difficult or inconvenient they may be... Its your conscience. Its also your life, (food, bills, home, etc)... Its your integrity.
You are the one who has to live with what's going on. These are YOUR choices, the things that define you. There's *something* that you're going to have to live with as a result no matter what you do.
I know I'm probably not being very helpful here.
Have you prayed about it? Have you asked your HP for guidance?
On the one hand, you'll never be totally free from a lie until you come clean about it... "We are only as sick as our secrets".
On the other hand, admitting to lying at work is about the same as asking to be fired... "Liars can not be trusted... Ever".
Presumably the benzos were from a prescription that a doctor gave you, (the alternative is typically a felony, and you don't want to go there). I think they're often prescribed for things like anxiety.
How much of a whopper did you tell? ... Is anyone supposed to get "buried" later this week?
I'm not sure how I would handle it. These are choices you have to make and live with, (laying in bed, in the dark, alone, just you and God).
If you're not interested in keeping the job, then maybe simply keeping a "stiff upper lip" about it all while you find something better would be a good choice. You'll still need to find some way to square it with your conscience.
If you do want to keep the job, then I'd start by talking about it with your boss ans seeing what the reaction is... Let him/her know that you were taking some medication and kind of went off the deep end as a result...
Its not really your mother, its your grandmother, (although maybe sometimes you call her "mama" instead of "granny"). The situation isn't really as bad as you made it out to be -- again, reaction to the meds -- although you *are* very concerned about what's going on with her.
You feel horrible about the whole thing, and scared, and are also worried about what's going to happen at work. You're afraid that you've lost all credibility with your co-workers, and with your boss, and you want to fix that so that everyone can move on and keep working together.
You aren't taking the medication anymore, maybe are planning to see another doctor to deal with your your health issues, and have learned from what happened.
More than anything, own the damage. Communicate that you are worried about your job, that you want to do what it takes to clean things up and "outlive" your mistakes, and that you are going to change your behavior to prevent it in the future.
Many would say that this is simply another form of lying... and I can't say that I would disagree with them either... YOU are the one who has to live with what's going on... Is it more important to you to salvage what you can, or is it more important to you to come totally clean about everything knowing that you will get fired over it, and accept the consequences no matter how difficult or inconvenient they may be... Its your conscience. Its also your life, (food, bills, home, etc)... Its your integrity.
You are the one who has to live with what's going on. These are YOUR choices, the things that define you. There's *something* that you're going to have to live with as a result no matter what you do.
I know I'm probably not being very helpful here.
Have you prayed about it? Have you asked your HP for guidance?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 101
you're right. I think that will be the best approach. I will just say that I've been under some stress and I wigged out.
I cannot continue to beat myself up over it...I made a decision and now I have to deal with it. I have to admit though, I feel better about the situation now.
I cannot continue to beat myself up over it...I made a decision and now I have to deal with it. I have to admit though, I feel better about the situation now.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Just a little something to try and let you know it doesnt always go bad.
The job I didnt call or show up for 4 times in a matter of a few months last year. Also the same place I am being charged with stealing money from the safe. (Not my proudest moment) Anyway. I saw my boss at the time from that job last night at work. She also is at a new company and wants me to come work for her when she has her own store. Get that...I really was bugging out when I worked for her. She doesnt know I am an addict. At least not for sure she doesnt. But for that to happen was like a big surprise.
Hard work and a good heart can and will show through.
People make mistakes. Doesnt make them a bad person. I am proof.
My mgr friend that saved my job that 4 times brought me into a new company last summer with a higher position and I ended up doing the same not showing up on him too. On opening day after they sent me out of town for training for 2 weeks. He still talks to me and we hang out every once in awhile.
What I am trying to say is...No matter what mistakes you make. If you are a good person. It will show.
Once it is over you will be so relieved.
Let us know what happens.
Good Luck.
I know I am a rambler.
The job I didnt call or show up for 4 times in a matter of a few months last year. Also the same place I am being charged with stealing money from the safe. (Not my proudest moment) Anyway. I saw my boss at the time from that job last night at work. She also is at a new company and wants me to come work for her when she has her own store. Get that...I really was bugging out when I worked for her. She doesnt know I am an addict. At least not for sure she doesnt. But for that to happen was like a big surprise.
Hard work and a good heart can and will show through.
People make mistakes. Doesnt make them a bad person. I am proof.
My mgr friend that saved my job that 4 times brought me into a new company last summer with a higher position and I ended up doing the same not showing up on him too. On opening day after they sent me out of town for training for 2 weeks. He still talks to me and we hang out every once in awhile.
What I am trying to say is...No matter what mistakes you make. If you are a good person. It will show.
Once it is over you will be so relieved.
Let us know what happens.
Good Luck.
I know I am a rambler.
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