He did it again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: WV
Posts: 33
He did it again
My ADH just came back from an inpatient treatment facility where he spent a month, in another state. He slipped up 2 days ago and drank while I was at work, he wasn't even home for 2 weeks.
Yesterday, we went to the counselor. Today, I went to work for only 4 hours and he drank again. He even tried to give me this speech about rebuilding trust, that we had heard the day before from the counselor.
After I came home and told him that I could still smell it, I suggested that he could still make the AA meeting he was suppose to go to. He was angry with me and left. He isn't home yet and I don't believe that he actually went to the meeting.
I feel like the only thing I have left to do is go ahead with a divorce. I realized that the only thing that was difficult for me when he was gone in treatment was finding sitters for the kids while I worked. Now, that he is back my stress and anxiety is through the roof, along with my kids'.
I am so scared to start my life over again at 35. But it has to be easier than continuing to live with him and the lies.
~Heather
Yesterday, we went to the counselor. Today, I went to work for only 4 hours and he drank again. He even tried to give me this speech about rebuilding trust, that we had heard the day before from the counselor.
After I came home and told him that I could still smell it, I suggested that he could still make the AA meeting he was suppose to go to. He was angry with me and left. He isn't home yet and I don't believe that he actually went to the meeting.
I feel like the only thing I have left to do is go ahead with a divorce. I realized that the only thing that was difficult for me when he was gone in treatment was finding sitters for the kids while I worked. Now, that he is back my stress and anxiety is through the roof, along with my kids'.
I am so scared to start my life over again at 35. But it has to be easier than continuing to live with him and the lies.
~Heather
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
Sending strength and love to you tonight, Hezzie. You do not have to live like this anymore if you choose not to. Lots of support on these boards. Do you have any support system with your family and friends? Reach out to someone if you can and get it out in the open, ASAP. It is better to be resigned and proactive than to let yourself sink into depression at a time like this.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Heavens! You are young at 35! Do not let a little thing like age hold you back! I'm 53 and never had a moments doubt divorcing my STBXAH is the right thing to do for me.
You deserve so much more than you have now. And you can find it if you start taking the steps you need to.
You deserve so much more than you have now. And you can find it if you start taking the steps you need to.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Dixie
Posts: 612
Relapse is a symptom of the disease, not a failure of the treatment. This is a terrible addiction that is very difficult to recover from. In early recovery, sobriety is sometimes counted in minutes rather than days. I know of some A's who have never been able to get sober, others who sober up and then slip time and time again, and then many others who have remained sober ever since day one. What is the difference between them? God only knows. This is simply the reality of this disease. When our spouses finally find sobriety, we don't live "happily ever after"... we live hopefully ever after.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 902
I'm 35 and have never been married or had kids. I'm looking at my life without my A as a whole new chapter, hopefully filled with everything he wouldn't give me. I feel like I'm still young and even if I was 53, I would still have made the same choice. If you just had 1 day left on this earth, would you want to spend it happy and alone with your kids, or with your AH miserable and wishing you had done things differently?
I'm sorry you're hurting. I'll say a prayer for you that you that you find some peace and strength.
I'm sorry you're hurting. I'll say a prayer for you that you that you find some peace and strength.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: pa
Posts: 260
Heather,
I am sorry you have to go through this.My AH drank the day he came home from his 3rd rehab. One year later I found the courage to leave. Finding sitters for the kids,the financial reasons,afraid to be alone all kept me in the relationship. We are getting along (the kids and I) better each day. You have to ask yourself if you want to spend the next years battling this God awful disease or get out while you still have some sanity. He will take you to the depths of Hell with him if you allow it. I wish you peace and happiness....
God Bless.:ghug
I am sorry you have to go through this.My AH drank the day he came home from his 3rd rehab. One year later I found the courage to leave. Finding sitters for the kids,the financial reasons,afraid to be alone all kept me in the relationship. We are getting along (the kids and I) better each day. You have to ask yourself if you want to spend the next years battling this God awful disease or get out while you still have some sanity. He will take you to the depths of Hell with him if you allow it. I wish you peace and happiness....
God Bless.:ghug
Progress Not Perfection
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: "Further up and further in!"---C.S. Lewis
Posts: 563
(((hezzie)))
I agree with Barbara and peaceteach...you have gotton some great responses from all.
Just wanted to add my support. Take care of you through this difficult period.
I agree with Barbara and peaceteach...you have gotton some great responses from all.
Just wanted to add my support. Take care of you through this difficult period.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: WV
Posts: 33
Yeah, last night was bad. The boys and I slept in our car until I felt it was safe enough to return home at 3am. I missed work today, which I had anticipated. I told him that it was over and that we would discuss the details today. He had a gun out last night and threatened to shoot himself.
All I can say was that it was a terrible night. I really appreciate the support from all of you, it is comforting to know that others have felt the same way that I do. Thank you. ~Heather
All I can say was that it was a terrible night. I really appreciate the support from all of you, it is comforting to know that others have felt the same way that I do. Thank you. ~Heather
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