kermit

For those who know my story my Mom fell again the other day so i took her to the Dr. today to see if we can get to the bottom of this. We got some information to work with, she needs a fall evaluation and a head exam from the Neurologist. Well 30 min after I got her home my Dad calls and tells me she fell again, off to the ER we go, a broken wrist, the left one, now remember she is still recovering from shoulder surgery, the rigt one. Any way my sister says I should move in with her because she is worried about Mom and Dad because our alcholic brother lives with them. WHAT? WHY ME? Anyway my sister goes on and on about how our A brother is more important then we are blah blah blah... Talk about an untreated allanon! Anyway I'm worried sick about Mom and do want to get to the bottom of this but I so want my own life.. Do I stop my Life to take care of my parents? This is hard to decide. My boys are little and my daughter is going to college next year not to mention I still have school to finish , I want to get my RN. Sorry this is so long, but I have no one to complain too, I'm tired of the whole thing, do I just count my blessings and take care of them? What about my brother? I didn't want my kids around there father I'm not having them live with a drunk uncle! Crap I wish life was easy. Mine just keeps getting dragged thru the mud and I feel like I will never have my own life. my parents help me out financially so much that i feel that I owe them all the time... **** I just want to work, and make it on my own I feel like this is never going to happen...

LaTeeDa

Kermit,

First--breeeeeeathe. Take some long slow breaths and try to get to a calm place. Now, instead of limiting yourself to the only choices that appear right now, try to brainstorm a little. Think of all the options, even the ridiculous ones.

If your parents can afford to help you financially, can they afford professional care? Does your mom keep falling because of her environment? Would she be better of in another place (without stairs, maybe)? I don't know the details of your situation, but if you can step back and take a look at ALL the possible solutions, I'm betting something will present itself.

Meanwhile, don't forget that YOU are the most important person in your life and your children's lives. That has to come first, right?

Maybe you will feel better and more clear after a good night's sleep?

L

kermit

LaTee, yes I think the first thing that needs to be done is some research on how to get rails up in Moms home, the right kind of walker ect. I will sleep on it make some calls tomorrow to her insurance and see how they can help, she is going to need a electric wheelchair I think. I have the day off tomorrow I will go to Moms and brain storm. Thanks

LaTeeDa

Good idea. Helping to find a solution is different from BEING the solution. You don't have to be the rescuer of the world. Now take off that superhero cape and give it back to Mr. C. LOL

L

aztchr

I needed to read this tonight! My Wonder Woman outfit is way too snug, so out it goes again! Thanks!


Kermit,
I'm sorry to hear about your mom's fall! Praying for her recovery and strength for you, too!
Keep taking care of YOU first and your children. Little by little, the solution will appear. Nothing has to be decided right this minute.

laurie6781

Kermit since you live in California, please call Adult Protection Services. That way your mother will get a Social Worker that in essence will become her advocate. Sw's of this sort are also very knowledgable on what and where to get what she needs, be it hand rails, electric wheel chair, assisted living, day care etc.

SW may also be able to get through to your parents that due to your mother;'s health adult son should not be living there.

Now breathe, and breathe again, lol. One step at a time.

And remember, just because 'your sister' says:

Does not mean it is written on a tablet in some desert and is now law, lol.o

I do believe Adult Protection Services can help you and your folks a lot. It may be called Senior Ombudsman Program, not sure, but it is for Adults that are elderly or incapacitated.

You have your own family to take care of............................please do not feel guilty about not 'moving' in with them. I believe your younger children would make it more stressful for your folks (not that they are rowdy, just that all those people in the house would probably make your parents nervous).

So you breathe, do what you can, but remember, YOU come first, because without you, your children are lost.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

ooo

denny57

kermit, is your mom on any medications? My good friend's mom was falling a lot about a year or so ago and it was the mix she was on. They adjusted them and she is doing much better.

kermit

Laurie, thanks for the advice, I will look in on it.
The good thing is, is that I only live 3 houses up from my parents, that is close enough.
I will research the Adult protective services, thanks again

Denny, yes she is and we talked about that yesterday with her Dr. He does not seem to think so, that was my first thought too, how do I get the Dr to change things? I think I will gather up all the information about her Meds and talk to the Pham teacher Monday at school. Thanks Denny

Barbara52

When my FIL was having med mix problems, it took review by a new doctor to get it straighten out. And once it was, a great many problems disappeared.

laurie6781

ROFLMAO

Both my Wonder woman cape and my Super woman outfit are buried in a box underneath a TON of boxes out in the shed, However, still progressing and not perfect yet, I have not been able to actually put them in the dumpster for good.

I also believe, being the females of our species, we have a "FIX IT" gene that is programmed into us. We 'fix it' for our kids when we can, we become good 'fixers' in our jobs, and we try to 'fix' our families and Lord knows our husbands too, lmao

Unfortunately there is no 'vaccination' for it, so we have to struggle to overcome our 'fix it' tendancies.

I am glad you will look into the Adult Protection Social Worker for your mom, and having all her medications that she is currently taking run through a pharmaceutical program might also give you a clue. Some may just not be interacting properly with others. Good idea.

I also had a thought, and it's not a good one......................................but is it possible that your A brother has 'pushed' her and she has lost her balance. It might be a good idea to check if he was at the house when these 'falling incidents' have happened. Not that he was intentionally abusive, but pushed to get by her, etc......................................just wondering.

Sounds like you are doing what is necessary for you to continue to take care of you and your children and not feel quilty about your folks. Your growth is AMAZING!!!!!!!

J M H O

Love and hugs,

denny57

They also had to get a "new" doctor to figure this out.

kermit

Although my brother is an alcholic he didn't do this, he is never around when it happens. She just falls. My brother is one of those weird A's he is great, helps when sober, really doesn't get in the way much, he works nights, he has never driven. I have come to accept that Mom and have chosen this life for them, letting him live there. My sister hasn't and that makes it hard. When evr my Bro is in a "drunk" state I just leave, no big. I don't like it but whatever. I just get angry because I wish I could move in there it would be benificial to all, my parents lve the kids around them ALL the time and are always eger to watch them for me. Besides they a 5 and 8 and are much fun. But my choice is that I don't want them "living" with my bro for the same reasons I don't want them "living" with their Dad. I will let you all know what I find out avout the meds.

imfree2bme

Kermit, I am not sure how old your parents are but if your mom just had shoulder surgery she might qualify for short term home care under medicare or if she is younger, her insurance. This would bring in a nurse and a social worker.
Are your parents familiar with alcoholism? Would some literature be helpful? Just some thoughts... I know what it feels like to be in the sandwich of taking care of kids and parents. It is very stressful.