NYC_Chick

I have been attending an alanon meeting where I like all the people, but the leader is really horrible. I hate to say stuff like this since were're all supposed to support each other, but here is what has been going on.

She shows up late to EVERY meeting at least 10-15 minutes. Usually one of the group members will get the stuff and start the meeting. Then, she comes in out of breath from running late and starts barking orders at whomever is leading the meeting I guess because she thinks they are not doing anything right. Once she regains her strength, she takes over from the person leading due to her lateness and usually does her own qualification each week. Then she picks who gets to speak in the meeting (typical for qualification, but it feels like she's weilding power over all of us. I'm not the only one who feels this way). If someone shares and she has something to say about it, she'll stop the meeting to talk about what that means to her and why. All of this is very disruptive, but I'm not sure how to deal with it. I thought there was no cross talk. Finally, last meeting she asked if there was any alanon anouncements, I said I had read a book that I found helpful and would like to share the title with the group. She totally cut me off and said it didn't qualify as an alanon anouncement. In the end it didn't matter because most of the members asked after the meeting what it was.

I thought about volunteering to lead the meeting. Some of the other members has also thought about this. I know an easy solution would be to find another meeting, but this one is right near my house, at a great time, and I'm really getting a lot out of it with the other members. Any suggestions?

Growing

Wow...I have never heard of this before...I am surprized at this persons actions.

You volunteering is a great idea. Sorry I don't have any suggestions. I hope it works out and good for you not giving up.

Keep us posted.

Daisy30

yah I would suggest maybe asking to lead. Taking turns leading is a good idea.

denny57

I don't understand - what orders is she barking? There are no "orders" in Al-Anon. Is she the secretary? There are no permanent leaders that I've heard about. I'd suggest a group conscience.

aztchr

How do you suggest a group conscience?
Does it have to be during a business meeting?

denny57

At the meetings I attend, anyone can suggest a topic for a group conscience. Then as a group we decide if it will be discussed at that moment (usually a simple suggestion with little discussion and a show of hands), or perhaps at the end of the meeting, or time taken next meeting, etc. But no, they don't always occur at the business meetings.

NYC_Chick

I think a group conscience is a great idea! Thanks for responding. I feel bad for even asking because it somehow feels every un-alonon-esqe to write about this, but I think many of us would get more out of a meeting if it was more relaxed!