TDinATL

Well, I'm getting to the point where just posting on here helps me to get over things - hopefully soon I'll just be able to ignore them.

My AW continues to find any opportunity she can to poke at me, no matter what the topic might be, at least it's via email only.

I think I shocked her when I actually started divorce proceedings, even though she was adamant that she wanted a divorce I don't think she believed I'd move on it. She held her ground long enough about it that I had time to see reality - now I want the divorce.

Before I started the process she was very, very cooperative in saying we'd work everything out. We got everything together except an agreement on the house. Long story short, there is no other option than for one of us to stay in the house and continue paying the mortgage as is.

I offered the house to her and this was her reply...

I don't want the house. I have already moved into another place. I was the one forced out of the house when you wouldn't leave and I could not stay out of fear you would physically hurt me again.

Last time she came home drunk and I told her I didn't like it she got in my face and started throwing a fit, it ended with me pushing her down on the couch.

No matter the topic, she finds a way to mention that. That was the only time I've ever touched her (I'm NOT justifying it) in 10 years of her lying, sneaking, drinking. I did not hit her, slap her, or anything else... I grabbed her and pushed her down on the couch.

I truly wanted the divorce to be easy on both of us, I told her to take whatever she wants. I guess I was unrealistic in thinking a divorce could go smoothly!

queenteree

IMO, divorcing an active A is never going to go easy. Also, I believe that most times when A's say they want a divorce, it is a form of alcoholic manipulation, they actually think we'll be like "oh no, I'm losing the best thing in my life" and we'll do whatever they want to keep them. Now that YOU want the divorce and didn't fall for her manipulation is when she has to make it difficult and shift the blame to you. She now went to Plan B. Don't let her get the best of you.

Mair

"I don't want the house. I have already moved into another place. I was the one forced out of the house when you wouldn't leave and I could not stay out of fear you would physically hurt me again".

In other words "Im not the problem you are. So it's ok for me to drink because you are abusive to me".
Less or no contact, less bull you have to listen to and the quicker you recover my friend.

Mairxx

TDinATL

Thanks all, I really didn't realize I was helping her load the cannon... I was just trying to work things out so it was less costly, quicker and easier for us. However she does take any opportunity to fire off a shot.

Sometimes my mean side wants to fire back, it's tempting, but I've managed to control myself. I'm sure she knows I'm serious because in the past I would have begged forgiveness and apologized, even though my inner voice would still say "You didn't do this." - Sure did make for a lot of confusion, paranoia, mistrust, etc.

Thanks again.

Lilyflower

Yeah, shame isn't it when your trying to be nice and it just gets twisted! I agree, don't communicate with her unless absolutely necessary. I think she's beyond realising your trying to help, everything is distorted in the mind of an active A. Hmmm, sounds like a good title for a hit song...

Lily xxxxxxxxxx