really_fed_up

so my dad wrote me an email apologizing for his behavior and acknowledging that Jane is responsible for all this. He told me that my mom has been having heart palpitations from all the stress and could we please end this rift? I called him and he started crying and told me that he loved me and he was deeply sorry for his actions and he accepted our decision to stop enabling Jane.

mom got on the phone and she just started crying hysterically and blaming me for Jane's predicament, saying "how could you be so heartless? how could you kick your own sister out when she had nowhere to go? What did she do for you to kick her out? WHy did you do this? WHY?".

I very calmly asked her to read my reply email which explained my actions. I explained that Jane had refused to stay with my brother, who offered her a place that night. I also explained that we could no longer enable her.
She basically hung up the phone on me.

So now I feel guilty, ashamed, and upset. Why did I talk to them? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRGHHHHH when will this all stop?

LaTeeDa

Just the same as you can't make your sister get sober, you can't make your mom understand. She must walk her own path and learn her own lessons. When we change the dance we have been doing with people, they get upset. They want us to change back. They want their comfort zone restored. You shook things up, and even though it's for the best, not everyone will see it that way.

I know this doesn't make it any easier to deal with, but maybe a little easier to understand.

((()))

L

Growing

LaTeeDa said it all so well....I agree 100%.

I know this doesn't help but I hope you will see that you aren't causing your mothers health problems and there is no reason for you to feel guilty, ashamed, and upset.

Protect yourself and don't get hooked back in!

denny57

It stopped for me when I made a choice to not interact with people who brought enabling related stress to my life. It felt unnatural at first, but today I do it with ease.