AbsentFriend

I'm glad this place is here.

One of the unspoken rules in my family was that if nobody talked about a problem, that meant it didn't exist.

Therefore, on some level, I've always assumed that if I told no one what my problems were, no one would be aware of them, and so I didn't have to address them.

I'm just now learning the hard way that this is SO not the case.

Normal people - like my friends - ARE aware. They always have been. And I was the one in the dark.

ANGELINA243

We must be related somehow then--that is how my family was for a long time. They have learned now (after repeated efforts) that by simply "turning the other cheek" doesn't make problems go away. They are starting to have a reality check--it will take some time>but we are all making progress.

Keep posting--I'm glad you are here! :ghug2

Growing

Glad to see you and welcome! SR is a great place full of great people.

Yep...I can relate. I was raised...that the sober members of the family were the "problem"....not the alcoholics! Shame...and silence. The very "idea" that we would speak about the problem of alcoholism in our family was preposterous.

GiveLove

My family gets that "deer in the headlights" look whenever I am open and honest about a problem.

Last week, when asked to get mixed up in yet another family feud, I said "Those two people are grown-ups fully capable of taking care of their own relationship with each other." You would've thought I was speaking Swahili.



Glad you have now learned this skillset -- you'll find that people who truly DO love you are going to be relieved that you're willing to let 'em help when you need a helping hand. Bravely identifying a problem to work on is step one.

Welcome, Absent!

Wascally Wabbit

How well I remember my mother denying she had a problem and, "if you tell anyone..."
That's the manipulative part of it all. It;s confusing to children. Then we grow up more confused than ever.
Having alanon, and SR to discuss things while being allowed to remain anonymous helps us all the way around.
We don't have to explain ourselves to anyone. When we do choose to share our problems and issues, we can do it in an atmosphere of accpetance.
I love that.

Growing

I love this Wabbit...thank you...this really helped me today. As an acoa, I have a problem "feeling" the acceptance, sometimes, but you reminded me that, that is one of the reasons we are here...is to accept eachother.

AbsentFriend

Holy crap, I know! My Dad looked at my like I was insane - even asked me to define a word I used - literally like I was speaking another language, when I pointed out and asked him why he was wincing at every loud noise (like thunder). I spent 5 minutes explaining what I meant by "wincing" before he said, "Oh, must be the glaucoma." As if I should have already known what it was, despite the fact that he'd never told me about it.