Happily Ever After Chasing the Dream
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
Happily Ever After Chasing the Dream
I have found in my recovery, that the more I learn, the more there is to learn. About myself, others and really life in general. Recently, I hit a really rough spot and couldn't figure out why I felt so stuck. I questioned myself, I questioned my beliefs and even questioned my sanity....again. (-:
My relationship with my addict is long over now, the wounds though, still feel fresh sometimes, but they are healing nicely. I've changed my life so much. I've taken the steps to move forward and better me. Yet something still pulled at me, something still felt "missing". I would go back and analize weather or not I had done something wrong, maybe in the wrong order, or missed a step, or caused harm in another without even knowing it. I still felt "punished" sometimes because of what life kept throwing at me, and I still would search for that elusive "why".
I realized something today. While taking my daughter around to the pawn shops looking for old princess movies, one of the guys made a comment when we asked if he had any. He asked what my daughter was having, (a girl) that's why we wanted the movies. And he said something strange, he said well, if you let her watch those movies, make sure she understands, they aren't real, they are pretend.
When he said that, my first thoughts were, this man must be disillusioned with his life for some reason, he sounds almost angry at innocent movies of princesesses and fairy tales. It was a negative on my happy feelings.
Later on, I thought about all of this and realized I was a little bit put out with this guy because here I was, actually feeling kinda giddy and happy about those movies and watching them again, when he just threw water in my face with reality. They are just pretend.
I've always dreamed and fantasized about Happily Ever After. I think I actually expected to have that once I walked out of the hell of addiction. But instead, I walked out and straight into real life. I was expecting to ride into the sunset with a knight in shining armor protecting me, and we all know where expectations take us.
I think I'm comming to terms with the fact that there really is no Happily Ever After, life will always roll punches at you, no matter what you do. I guess the choice is, to roll with them, or bow up and absorb the hit. I've been bowing up lately. LOL It must be my hard headed, stubborn, my way syndrome.
I'm a dreamer. I've always been a dreamer. I use it to escape my reality. That's why I was so excited about seeing those movies again, I wanted to escape into that pretend world again. The message is so clear in them. Good and Evil fight, evil does good wrong, good sticks to being good and overcomes evil, and the reward is happily ever after. That's not really life though is it.
It's taken me 45 years to realize this. Not that life is bad, don't get me wrong. Life is just life, good, bad, up, down, sad, happy and so much in between. It's not a fairy tale. There is no perfect man, no perfect woman, no perfect child, no perfect parent, no perfect way of living. When you battle through good and evil, there is no one standing there to reward you with with a perfect happilly ever after life. You still have to work for that too, one day at a time.
Here I've been standing around waiting for it to be handed to me like a reward or something. I paid my dues darn it, I want my happily ever after. (stomping and pitching a fit) LOL I guess I'm going to have to pry that little girl inside fingers off of those princess movies.
B
My relationship with my addict is long over now, the wounds though, still feel fresh sometimes, but they are healing nicely. I've changed my life so much. I've taken the steps to move forward and better me. Yet something still pulled at me, something still felt "missing". I would go back and analize weather or not I had done something wrong, maybe in the wrong order, or missed a step, or caused harm in another without even knowing it. I still felt "punished" sometimes because of what life kept throwing at me, and I still would search for that elusive "why".
I realized something today. While taking my daughter around to the pawn shops looking for old princess movies, one of the guys made a comment when we asked if he had any. He asked what my daughter was having, (a girl) that's why we wanted the movies. And he said something strange, he said well, if you let her watch those movies, make sure she understands, they aren't real, they are pretend.
When he said that, my first thoughts were, this man must be disillusioned with his life for some reason, he sounds almost angry at innocent movies of princesesses and fairy tales. It was a negative on my happy feelings.
Later on, I thought about all of this and realized I was a little bit put out with this guy because here I was, actually feeling kinda giddy and happy about those movies and watching them again, when he just threw water in my face with reality. They are just pretend.
I've always dreamed and fantasized about Happily Ever After. I think I actually expected to have that once I walked out of the hell of addiction. But instead, I walked out and straight into real life. I was expecting to ride into the sunset with a knight in shining armor protecting me, and we all know where expectations take us.
I think I'm comming to terms with the fact that there really is no Happily Ever After, life will always roll punches at you, no matter what you do. I guess the choice is, to roll with them, or bow up and absorb the hit. I've been bowing up lately. LOL It must be my hard headed, stubborn, my way syndrome.
I'm a dreamer. I've always been a dreamer. I use it to escape my reality. That's why I was so excited about seeing those movies again, I wanted to escape into that pretend world again. The message is so clear in them. Good and Evil fight, evil does good wrong, good sticks to being good and overcomes evil, and the reward is happily ever after. That's not really life though is it.
It's taken me 45 years to realize this. Not that life is bad, don't get me wrong. Life is just life, good, bad, up, down, sad, happy and so much in between. It's not a fairy tale. There is no perfect man, no perfect woman, no perfect child, no perfect parent, no perfect way of living. When you battle through good and evil, there is no one standing there to reward you with with a perfect happilly ever after life. You still have to work for that too, one day at a time.
Here I've been standing around waiting for it to be handed to me like a reward or something. I paid my dues darn it, I want my happily ever after. (stomping and pitching a fit) LOL I guess I'm going to have to pry that little girl inside fingers off of those princess movies.
B
Last edited by frankly; 02-19-2008 at 09:12 PM.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: To the North
Posts: 1,086
Good point and worth remembering! Even though I'm not much of a dreamer, I can see myself feeling like once I'm finally out of this tangled web I helped to weave, there should be some "magic". Maybe I won't, or wouldn't, I'm not sure, but I this was a great lesson you shared - thanks!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Awww, frankly, I want you to have your "happy ever after" too, and I don't think it has to just be a fairy tale dream, maybe just needs a little adjusting to the way things are today.
For example....The Princess Frankly discovered that when the evil prince was no longer in her life, that she was indeed beautiful inside and out. She learned that she had courage and strength that could slay dragons if need be, and that she could stand tall as the person she was, and didn't have to be what anyone else expected her to be....well, maybe except for being a princess for her friends on SR.
The Princess Frankly, was about to become the Granny Princess, and could share all her dreams with the new Baby Princess when she arrived. She could teach little BP (baby princess) all about dreams and happiness and making them come true. She could teach BP that SHE holds the key to her own happiness and that the world can be her kingdom at least through her own eyes.
However this story ends, frankly, I know that the little princess-to-be is blessed to have a Granny Princess like you.
Hugs
For example....The Princess Frankly discovered that when the evil prince was no longer in her life, that she was indeed beautiful inside and out. She learned that she had courage and strength that could slay dragons if need be, and that she could stand tall as the person she was, and didn't have to be what anyone else expected her to be....well, maybe except for being a princess for her friends on SR.
The Princess Frankly, was about to become the Granny Princess, and could share all her dreams with the new Baby Princess when she arrived. She could teach little BP (baby princess) all about dreams and happiness and making them come true. She could teach BP that SHE holds the key to her own happiness and that the world can be her kingdom at least through her own eyes.
However this story ends, frankly, I know that the little princess-to-be is blessed to have a Granny Princess like you.
Hugs
Thank you for putting it all into words today. I will hold this thought for a while.....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
thanks for sharing your thoughts. i believe in miracles & i also believe in magic. i think we all hold the key to our desination.i get up every morning & say this is going to be a happy day. with my recovery i have learned that it is my attitude of how i handle things, & what thoughts i let in control the day. i think life can be happy if we let it be.i know that i can not control others & if things are not going MY way i get out of the way when possible.every day is not happy but fairy tales are true, even when we live life on lifes terms. you are a queen & b.p. can come in this world knowing she is a princess & with you as her grandmother she will rule the world. fairy tales do come true.
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
The really good news, is I know what's bothering me now, and it's not my lack of faith. I thought I just wasn't believing enough and had loads of guilt feelings over that.
I am usually one of the most positive people around. And this evening, I'm feeling a whole lot better. Jerry had his third surgery today and everything went good, Vicky got her replacement front tooth and she and I got through her unemployment hearing without a hitch. It's been a long day, but a good one. We are all three back home now, safe, alive and with full bellies. What more could anyone really ask for.
Hugs
B
I am usually one of the most positive people around. And this evening, I'm feeling a whole lot better. Jerry had his third surgery today and everything went good, Vicky got her replacement front tooth and she and I got through her unemployment hearing without a hitch. It's been a long day, but a good one. We are all three back home now, safe, alive and with full bellies. What more could anyone really ask for.
Hugs
B
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