My Past Came Back...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: To the North
Posts: 1,086
My Past Came Back...
My Father, who I loved, had really bad judgement in women. First my mother and then my step-mother. One has mental issues, the other an alcoholic. This is where I learned my codependency. My step-mom brought with her a step-brother and two step-sisters, as well as a niece! I was thrilled to finally have siblings and a niece!!!! Time goes on and my niece is a big part of my life, I get along with my "sisters" - my "brother" however is an addict and the life-style that goes with it, luckily I was never close to him.
Long story of years of me (the youngest) being the one to "take care of" everyone... But, I was very close to my niece and really helped raise her from about 10 on. When she was an adult she lived with me for a while, and I continued to help her until she finally just got to be too much too. I let her go, just like I did the rest of that family - they just drained me. I felt very good when I did that, and I have to say - if I took the time to tell the story of how I did it I think you guys would be proud (now if I could just apply the same today!!!!
)
Haven't seen or talked to my niece in about 4+ years. So, tonight she (my niece) calls. She is coming through my area on her way to another state and wants to say hello and have me meet her three-year-old daughter (my great-niece). Also told me her Mom might be with her and she realizes I may not want to see her Mom. I told her I didn't care if I saw her Mom or not, but if they came here they would be adding about 4 hours to their drive and I had no where to put them for the night so it was something she should seriously think about if they had a time-line to reach their destination.
Bottom line, I feel good that I didn't put myself back out in the mix, didn't say I'd get them a hotel, etc. But, I just feel drained. My life, while I'm doing fairly good, is taking about all the energy I have right now and to have warded off that mess was just too much right now.
I guess I just needed to get this out. It was such a reminder for me how I got where I am today - which is not a bad place or anything and all that - but you know ....
That's it, that's my pity-party, I'll leave work, get some dinner, watch a movie or something to relax and just forget about it. Thanks for listening!
Long story of years of me (the youngest) being the one to "take care of" everyone... But, I was very close to my niece and really helped raise her from about 10 on. When she was an adult she lived with me for a while, and I continued to help her until she finally just got to be too much too. I let her go, just like I did the rest of that family - they just drained me. I felt very good when I did that, and I have to say - if I took the time to tell the story of how I did it I think you guys would be proud (now if I could just apply the same today!!!!
)Haven't seen or talked to my niece in about 4+ years. So, tonight she (my niece) calls. She is coming through my area on her way to another state and wants to say hello and have me meet her three-year-old daughter (my great-niece). Also told me her Mom might be with her and she realizes I may not want to see her Mom. I told her I didn't care if I saw her Mom or not, but if they came here they would be adding about 4 hours to their drive and I had no where to put them for the night so it was something she should seriously think about if they had a time-line to reach their destination.
Bottom line, I feel good that I didn't put myself back out in the mix, didn't say I'd get them a hotel, etc. But, I just feel drained. My life, while I'm doing fairly good, is taking about all the energy I have right now and to have warded off that mess was just too much right now.
I guess I just needed to get this out. It was such a reminder for me how I got where I am today - which is not a bad place or anything and all that - but you know ....
That's it, that's my pity-party, I'll leave work, get some dinner, watch a movie or something to relax and just forget about it. Thanks for listening!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Albuquerque NM
Posts: 6
Pity Party? Sounds like you were strong, sincere, direct .... and kind. the visit from your past is a reminder of where you are. Congratulations for taking off the "S" shirt and best wishes to you.
--Barbara
--Barbara
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
Good for you ! That seems like a good example of good recovery. You did what you needed to do to take care of yourself.
Setting and maintaining boundaries takes some practice. I have learned that I don't have to allow people to tell me what I am going to do (which is a change from my former codie behavior). One of my oft-used lines is "No, I can't do that , but I can do this...." and then the other person has a choice if that works for him or not.
Good for you. I hope you were able to enjoy your evening.
Setting and maintaining boundaries takes some practice. I have learned that I don't have to allow people to tell me what I am going to do (which is a change from my former codie behavior). One of my oft-used lines is "No, I can't do that , but I can do this...." and then the other person has a choice if that works for him or not.
Good for you. I hope you were able to enjoy your evening.
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
You really did well, not putting yourself back out there. I think I understand about the draining part. Sometimes, when i work hard on recovery it wipes me out too. I think it is like practicing a new skill over and over...Tiring at first, but eventually it becomes second nature.
Hope you had a great, relaxing night!
Hope you had a great, relaxing night!
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