First time
Recovering Codependant
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Liverpool, Great Britain
Posts: 1,335
Welcome to SR.
Please feel free to share your concerns with us. There is some great information in the 'stickies' at the top of each forum, and you can click on anyones name to see their previous posts.
Looking forward to getting to know you better.
Lily xxxxxx
Please feel free to share your concerns with us. There is some great information in the 'stickies' at the top of each forum, and you can click on anyones name to see their previous posts.
Looking forward to getting to know you better.
Lily xxxxxx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Cairo
Posts: 6
i didn't expect these quik replies.
I want to share something with all of you.
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Alone & sick w/fever for 4 days
i was searching all day for this topic to share about, excuse me guys i am new at online meetings,chat etc.., and i just replied w/ these shares a moment ago.
Anyways, i was sick for 4 days with a high fever and my H who has been in recovery for almost a year now, he was also sick at the same time, he only cared about himself and went to hospital alone, he didn't take me w/him, i asked him to do but he didn't, and then i started to see the look i remembered through his active days,the anger that i feared a lot before,then the critisism about me, like i am not a good mother,i don't care about the house, etc.. after that comes the shouting and fighting and i can't forget the beating (it only happened twice through our six years of marriage). and i confronted him w/my fears and i told him i won't accept it anymore.
But i couldn't expect what came next, that it would happen after his recovery, i was abused in the most painful way, physically he beated me as if i am a man and fighting w/him for i can't remember how long it lasted, i then was defending myself and calling him names, he wasn't saying anything he was only punching and kicking and slapping me .... his reasons was (he said) that i raised my voice over him and that is unacceptable for him.
I do get nervous and raise my voice sometimes, i am trying to work on that defect, but sometimes i can't.
I called my father and his mother and told them i can't take it any more, i want divorce, although i can't say that he is always like that, he isn't, but i want him out of my life and for the first time i can't, may be because he has been a good father for the last year, but not w/ me, we still don't have a life together, our sex life is horrible, i don't enjoy it, i am not thinking about him or any other person, i have problems at work, i gained a lot of weight, that its hard to loose, i come from work really tired to play w/my daughter or do anything w/her, i have somebody who helps me to but i make sure to take her out whenever i can, she is a very smart girl, i love her but my friends call me a one way direction person, i am only good in doing one job (perfectionist) i can't take it anymore, i am so stressed, i want to start using anything, i want to get relifed, i think i got infected by this desease, i don't know, i have so much to say but.....
i want to add something, we are from a third world country but we are well educated, he is working the 12 steps program, me too i am one of the founders of Alanon after years of not having such meetings in our country, we want to start NarAnon but i don't know how to get the littreature, i have a sponsor but she doesn't go to meetings, i am in a mess.i think i am saying a nonsense stuff.
By the way he has been out of the house since the morning i don't know what is he doing or where is he, i am a little worried but i didn't called him or searched about him, and don't want to.
I want to share something with all of you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alone & sick w/fever for 4 days
i was searching all day for this topic to share about, excuse me guys i am new at online meetings,chat etc.., and i just replied w/ these shares a moment ago.
Anyways, i was sick for 4 days with a high fever and my H who has been in recovery for almost a year now, he was also sick at the same time, he only cared about himself and went to hospital alone, he didn't take me w/him, i asked him to do but he didn't, and then i started to see the look i remembered through his active days,the anger that i feared a lot before,then the critisism about me, like i am not a good mother,i don't care about the house, etc.. after that comes the shouting and fighting and i can't forget the beating (it only happened twice through our six years of marriage). and i confronted him w/my fears and i told him i won't accept it anymore.
But i couldn't expect what came next, that it would happen after his recovery, i was abused in the most painful way, physically he beated me as if i am a man and fighting w/him for i can't remember how long it lasted, i then was defending myself and calling him names, he wasn't saying anything he was only punching and kicking and slapping me .... his reasons was (he said) that i raised my voice over him and that is unacceptable for him.
I do get nervous and raise my voice sometimes, i am trying to work on that defect, but sometimes i can't.
I called my father and his mother and told them i can't take it any more, i want divorce, although i can't say that he is always like that, he isn't, but i want him out of my life and for the first time i can't, may be because he has been a good father for the last year, but not w/ me, we still don't have a life together, our sex life is horrible, i don't enjoy it, i am not thinking about him or any other person, i have problems at work, i gained a lot of weight, that its hard to loose, i come from work really tired to play w/my daughter or do anything w/her, i have somebody who helps me to but i make sure to take her out whenever i can, she is a very smart girl, i love her but my friends call me a one way direction person, i am only good in doing one job (perfectionist) i can't take it anymore, i am so stressed, i want to start using anything, i want to get relifed, i think i got infected by this desease, i don't know, i have so much to say but.....
i want to add something, we are from a third world country but we are well educated, he is working the 12 steps program, me too i am one of the founders of Alanon after years of not having such meetings in our country, we want to start NarAnon but i don't know how to get the littreature, i have a sponsor but she doesn't go to meetings, i am in a mess.i think i am saying a nonsense stuff.
By the way he has been out of the house since the morning i don't know what is he doing or where is he, i am a little worried but i didn't called him or searched about him, and don't want to.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
What resources are available to you for abuse?
In my humble opinion he is not working any program, though you are. Your situation sounds dangerous and I urge you to see protective help.
Keep posting!
In my humble opinion he is not working any program, though you are. Your situation sounds dangerous and I urge you to see protective help.
Keep posting!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Cairo
Posts: 6
Thanks Denny for replying, i am in a mess, as i said before, we are not always like that, i don't understand what happened and why? why all these anger towards each other.
To answer your question, i only read the sticker about Abuse and it really touched me heart, i understood i was abused physically and mentally.
To answer your question, i only read the sticker about Abuse and it really touched me heart, i understood i was abused physically and mentally.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Here is a link to worldwide resources for help in DV situations.
HPP International: Sitemap and Site Search
L
HPP International: Sitemap and Site Search
L
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Cairo
Posts: 6
Thanks Barbara, but don't worry,i have also the hope and support of my fellows, the program, even my husband i thought i pictured him as a monster, he is sick, and i can't change him, what he had done to me is unforgettable, he hurted me a lot, not the physical pain, but the emotional one, i love him, and he loves me too, we had our arguments before, but he never beated me before like that (the only two times he did when he was using he was also under the influence of Peg intron that is used to cure Virus C, and that's why i forgived him, but this time i just can't.
Progress Not Perfection
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: "Further up and further in!"---C.S. Lewis
Posts: 563
Love and support sent to you Te3ebt. 
Maybe you could live with someone else? You could have peace and quiet to work on yourself and care for your daughter.
You should not be beaten. You should not be abused.
Take care of you.
Maybe you could live with someone else? You could have peace and quiet to work on yourself and care for your daughter.
You should not be beaten. You should not be abused.
Take care of you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
I wouldn't worry about forgiveness right now - it's unacceptable behavior, and scary. Do what you need to be safe - worry about everything else later. Bottom line: GET SAFE.
Violence escalates. It is not a one or two time thing.
Keep posting!
Violence escalates. It is not a one or two time thing.
Keep posting!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Between the ocean and the mountains
Posts: 653
i am so sorry for your fear and hurt, so far away.
it is possible he is and has been lying to you, it is possible he is in active addiction, not recovery, and it is possible that the trip to the hospital by himself may not have been just about seeking help for a fever. if he beat you when he was actively using, and he is beating you now, it is possible he is drinking or drugging or both. addicts can hide it well...until they lose control, which is inevitable.
you are not helping anyone by staying there and allowing him to hit you. it hurts you and your daughter terribly and it increases his craving to use, which then hurts him as well. but right now: he is the abuser and you are the victim of his abuse. you are right to seek help, to reach out. please continue seeking all the help you possibly can.
if you have a family or a friend who can take you in for a few weeks, while your mind settles and you can think with safety and clarity about what you want to do, please do leave the house. it is the very best thing for all of you.
sending you strength and resolve across the water.
it is possible he is and has been lying to you, it is possible he is in active addiction, not recovery, and it is possible that the trip to the hospital by himself may not have been just about seeking help for a fever. if he beat you when he was actively using, and he is beating you now, it is possible he is drinking or drugging or both. addicts can hide it well...until they lose control, which is inevitable.
you are not helping anyone by staying there and allowing him to hit you. it hurts you and your daughter terribly and it increases his craving to use, which then hurts him as well. but right now: he is the abuser and you are the victim of his abuse. you are right to seek help, to reach out. please continue seeking all the help you possibly can.
if you have a family or a friend who can take you in for a few weeks, while your mind settles and you can think with safety and clarity about what you want to do, please do leave the house. it is the very best thing for all of you.
sending you strength and resolve across the water.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Between the ocean and the mountains
Posts: 653
i realized i used the phrase "allowing him to hit you." those are the wrong words. when someone hits us, we are not making a choice. we are being attacked against our will. you are NOT in any way responsible for what is happening. you are a victim of assault, plain and simple.
my prayer is that you will remove yourself and your daughter from the home, so he will not have the chance to hurt you again--or her, God forbid.
do take care.
my prayer is that you will remove yourself and your daughter from the home, so he will not have the chance to hurt you again--or her, God forbid.
do take care.
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