share your bottom.....I wanna know
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
My last drunk, I woke up in a drunk tank
Had no recollection of what happened.
No one would post my bail. I had to call collect to my lawyer, they didn't accept the charges either. My lawyer did come in and posted my bail.
I suppose, when you live in a small town like I do, it's the pitiful incomprehensible demoralization, everyone reading your name in the paper that finally brought me to AA
Had no recollection of what happened.
No one would post my bail. I had to call collect to my lawyer, they didn't accept the charges either. My lawyer did come in and posted my bail.
I suppose, when you live in a small town like I do, it's the pitiful incomprehensible demoralization, everyone reading your name in the paper that finally brought me to AA
Fighting the good fight
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 309
One was injecting Ecstasy and taking a lot of valium, drinking about 4 Litres of red wine and finally losing my **** for 6 days crying and shaking - complete nervous/mental breakdown. That was about 9 years ago.
Just two months ago I went to my office xmas party, fell over and smashed my head on some bricks, and woke up the next day at home with two broken ribs, covered in bruises, temple swollen and cut open. I have no idea what happened. I drank a bottle of wine when I woke up, and that was the last drink I ever had. That was 65 days ago.
Just two months ago I went to my office xmas party, fell over and smashed my head on some bricks, and woke up the next day at home with two broken ribs, covered in bruises, temple swollen and cut open. I have no idea what happened. I drank a bottle of wine when I woke up, and that was the last drink I ever had. That was 65 days ago.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
This is such a hard question to answer. I think I had many times when I felt I had sunk as low as I could go....then I drank some more...you know so as not to remember what I had done...well you know the drill...that just added to my already full plate. How many times did I have to run around the same mountain...the scenery never changed and I was getting dizzy.
My "bottom" came more as thoughts than an actual incident. I knew, I mean knew that if I didn't stop I was going to die. I knew it because suicide became an option. I remember one night driving to the liquor store crying because I didn't want to drink but the obsession was overwhelming. As I drove I tried to figure out how fast I had to hit a telephone pole in order to die. Thank God I didn't have the guts. That is not the way I wish to leave this world. Since quitting I have never had another suicidal thought, I stopped running around the mountain, I made peace with who and what I am.
My "bottom" came more as thoughts than an actual incident. I knew, I mean knew that if I didn't stop I was going to die. I knew it because suicide became an option. I remember one night driving to the liquor store crying because I didn't want to drink but the obsession was overwhelming. As I drove I tried to figure out how fast I had to hit a telephone pole in order to die. Thank God I didn't have the guts. That is not the way I wish to leave this world. Since quitting I have never had another suicidal thought, I stopped running around the mountain, I made peace with who and what I am.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 666
My bottom?
Living on the third floor of my sister's house. Futon for a bed, black and white TV perched on a milk crate. Two shirts. Three pairs of jeans. Empty box of KFC in the refrigerator. No phone. No car. No girl. No friends. No life.
Broken knee, ribs, teeth, and two fingers in three months. Staggering around the streets of Allston with one crutch in the freezing January rain at 4 am because I wanted to keep the "party" going. Not wanting to sleep because if I did I would have to wake up and face a life that was nothing. Absolutely nothing.
That was 12 years ago. Not going back there. Not today.
Uh-uh.
Mike
Living on the third floor of my sister's house. Futon for a bed, black and white TV perched on a milk crate. Two shirts. Three pairs of jeans. Empty box of KFC in the refrigerator. No phone. No car. No girl. No friends. No life.
Broken knee, ribs, teeth, and two fingers in three months. Staggering around the streets of Allston with one crutch in the freezing January rain at 4 am because I wanted to keep the "party" going. Not wanting to sleep because if I did I would have to wake up and face a life that was nothing. Absolutely nothing.
That was 12 years ago. Not going back there. Not today.
Uh-uh.
Mike
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Of all the extremities I have gone to.
Just to get drugs.
Humiliation, robbing, locked up, lieing, selling everything possible, Almost getting killed several times, losing my moral values, Coming very close to killing myself.
The list goes on and on.
None of that phased me like what happened this past November.
I ended up in a mental unit of a hospital.
My grandmother had spent every penny she had to buy me a one way ticket to Florida about a week before this. Because I wanted to go.
When I was in the mental unit. I was talking to her on the phone and something came up about the ticket. And she told me she bought it because she just wanted to get rid of me so bad.
I never felt so freakin sick in my life. The woman who has always been there for me no matter what and has never said one ill word to me or about me when she should have been done with me long ago.
I have never heard anything like that come out of her mouth. I thought I was dieing. Then she came to bring me some clothes and wouldnt look at me or listen to me. She was just hurrying out the door. I barged through 5 people to get to her. But she was out the door.
My family wouldnt answer my calls.
I have never in my life ever felt like I was all alone in this world before that day.
I wanted to die.
After that day i got high again a couple times and decided to go inpatient right after Christmas. I did and here I am 61 days later with nothing more in me except caffeine, nicotine, ibufrofen and amoxicilin for my Lyme disease.
I dont ever want to feel like that ever again. And even worse. I dont ever want to find out what it is like to be alone in this world.
The next step if I screw up will be that. Losing my family.
I cant handle even the thought of that.
Just to get drugs.
Humiliation, robbing, locked up, lieing, selling everything possible, Almost getting killed several times, losing my moral values, Coming very close to killing myself.
The list goes on and on.
None of that phased me like what happened this past November.
I ended up in a mental unit of a hospital.
My grandmother had spent every penny she had to buy me a one way ticket to Florida about a week before this. Because I wanted to go.
When I was in the mental unit. I was talking to her on the phone and something came up about the ticket. And she told me she bought it because she just wanted to get rid of me so bad.
I never felt so freakin sick in my life. The woman who has always been there for me no matter what and has never said one ill word to me or about me when she should have been done with me long ago.
I have never heard anything like that come out of her mouth. I thought I was dieing. Then she came to bring me some clothes and wouldnt look at me or listen to me. She was just hurrying out the door. I barged through 5 people to get to her. But she was out the door.
My family wouldnt answer my calls.
I have never in my life ever felt like I was all alone in this world before that day.
I wanted to die.
After that day i got high again a couple times and decided to go inpatient right after Christmas. I did and here I am 61 days later with nothing more in me except caffeine, nicotine, ibufrofen and amoxicilin for my Lyme disease.
I dont ever want to feel like that ever again. And even worse. I dont ever want to find out what it is like to be alone in this world.
The next step if I screw up will be that. Losing my family.
I cant handle even the thought of that.
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Southern New Hampshire
Posts: 746
We all have different bottoms, mine isn't all that important, I had a bottom in AA several months after my last drink. I sat in rooms listening to the oneliner BS that you were talking about in a previous thread.Nobody had an answer for me.
I have two questions for you, are you ready to be done for good and for all? If the answer is no, then all the war stories in the world aren't going to be enough to keep you away from booze, you won't be able to bring them to memory with sufficient force.
Are you willing to go to any lengths? If so, there are some of us here that are willing to help you. I don't think I am better than you or anyone else for that matter, I have been given a solution, it is my responsibility to offer it to anyone who wants it, if you don't want it thats ok.
I have two questions for you, are you ready to be done for good and for all? If the answer is no, then all the war stories in the world aren't going to be enough to keep you away from booze, you won't be able to bring them to memory with sufficient force.
Are you willing to go to any lengths? If so, there are some of us here that are willing to help you. I don't think I am better than you or anyone else for that matter, I have been given a solution, it is my responsibility to offer it to anyone who wants it, if you don't want it thats ok.
No more merlot, more mamma
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
My soul was completely and absolutely empty. All I was doing was waking up and existing, taking up space.
I could tell you that I was in the process of losing my home to foreclosure, losing my job, I had already lost a husband, almost lost my kids, and my one true love had had it with me. But, those were only the external things..I honestly had nothing filling my soul.
I have a full and grateful soul now.
Thank you for this post..I needed to remember today.
Karen
I could tell you that I was in the process of losing my home to foreclosure, losing my job, I had already lost a husband, almost lost my kids, and my one true love had had it with me. But, those were only the external things..I honestly had nothing filling my soul.
I have a full and grateful soul now.
Thank you for this post..I needed to remember today.
Karen
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 4,469
I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I had no quality of life. I used to live and lived to use. I checked into detox in Jan 07 and the detox was so bad that I ended up in ICU on life support for a week. That is when I truly started fighting for my life. The thought of my mother and husband seeing me hooked up to that machine was more than I could stand. I never want to put them or myself through that again.
Life is so much better now. You too have the freedom from the bondage.
Life is so much better now. You too have the freedom from the bondage.
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Originally Posted by merlotmamma 
My soul was completely and absolutely empty. All I was doing was waking up and existing, taking up space.
I could tell you that I was in the process of losing my home to foreclosure, losing my job, I had already lost a husband, almost lost my kids, and my one true love had had it with me. But, those were only the external things..I honestly had nothing filling my soul.
I have a full and grateful soul now.
Thank you for this post..I needed to remember today.
Karen
I could tell you that I was in the process of losing my home to foreclosure, losing my job, I had already lost a husband, almost lost my kids, and my one true love had had it with me. But, those were only the external things..I honestly had nothing filling my soul.
I have a full and grateful soul now.
Thank you for this post..I needed to remember today.
Karen
i think, you touched on something!
That hole inside of us, void of any type of spirituality
Least, it was for me
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Here is my story...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-my-story.html
You will also find many others on that Forum
I do hope you will find your way
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-my-story.html
You will also find many others on that Forum
I do hope you will find your way
God is my benzo
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Charlotte, nc
Posts: 198
This is both my experience and my opinion, external factors for bottoms don't matter. Your bottom is when you are dead in side. It takes different people different amounts of pain to get there, but the feeling is the same.
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Originally Posted by CarolD
Here is my story...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-my-story.html
You will also find many others on that Forum
I do hope you will find your way
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-my-story.html
You will also find many others on that Forum
I do hope you will find your way
How do you archive them?
I went back thru all my posts to find mine???
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 45
29a I hear that. I am ready for whatever it takes to do this... I am sick of this beatdown... I also liked that ferguson video captain. However i get sober, I am doing it today. Little bit of REAL prayer... stepping back and letting Him be in control.......Goes a long way.....Thanks all for your stories..
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: California
Posts: 358
One of my bottom moments is today, when my brother keeps calling me to catch up, and I won't answer his phone calls because I don't want to tell him I relapsed.
I know he will be supportive and not at all judgmental. But I still can't bring myself to answer the phone.
Yeck! I hate feeling this way.
I know he will be supportive and not at all judgmental. But I still can't bring myself to answer the phone.
Yeck! I hate feeling this way.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 45
Negative man I hear ya... I am sick of relapsing and feeling unworthy...I have been there so many times in too little of time.....I guess what I am saying is you can talk to me..I am only a handful of days sober...I won't tell ya what ya already know...I could use an ear too!!!
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