Kickit

Day 3 today. Day 2 was bad though, not that I felt so bad, a bit stomach
upset in the am but by the pm I just kept thinking, 'oh its fine I just drink too much sometimes, I dont have the problems that other people do here, just need to get it under control more', planning to be able to drink etc etc.....!! :wtf2

There are posts here that are just like me, and alot worse but how long until I get there? I drank 3 bottles of wine (2 sneakily) on Thursday, that ain't right is it!! I kick off and am throughly nasty from time to time, I am often drunk when we go out, (or stay in!!), I cannot leave a bottle of wine unfinished 99.99999% of the time! I don't drink every night and I don't usually drink in the day, although I went down that route a few times, but I have been drinking more days and drinking more, planning to drink...why can't I just stick to the sure knowledge that I have a problem and deal with it!!

Frustrated, its usually day 3 or 4 when I feel like this. just going to stay sober today and deal with it by ignoring it best I can.

wjw1970

[QUOTE=Kickit;1676363]why can't I just stick to the sure knowledge that I have a problem and deal with it!!

QUOTE]

Hi Kickit!

It took me a long time to come to the sure knowledge I have a problem. Many ups and downs, trys, slips, and total "I give up"

Maybe it's just me, but 7 days ago, after all these years, something in my noggin just clicked and I admitted I was powerless over alcohol.

I think the knowledge will stick when we open ourselves up to listen to what our minds and bodys are really telling us (hangovers, blackouts, and the like)

Don't know if my post is helpful, but I do understand where you are coming from and a big congrats on day 3!

reed

yeah its a tough one. Especially not finishng that bottle of wine. just try to keep your mind, try an AA meeting.

29a

It's hard to admit something has power over you. No one likes to. And alcoholics (and you sound like you may deserve the title, but I can't say for sure) are notorious control freaks, which makes it even harder. surrender takes strength and it is liberating. here's some things i noticed just from what you said...

You said, if I could just control it --normal drinkers do not think like this, if something needs controlled it is already out of control.

You spoke about sneaking booze--normal drinkers do not have to sneak

you said you cannot start without stopping--again normies don't have this problem.

So you seem to be on the right track in understanding your powerless. Ignoring it will not make it go away. If i ignore cancer, I die. The same happens with my disease. Go to an AA meeting, just listen if you want. Go to a few before you make a decision. You don't have to "join" right away.
If it's not right for you, do something else, some other action. A councelor, rehab, whatever. Don't wait til the yet's happen.... I haven't lost a house...yet, haven't been committed...yet. Nobody can tell you when those things will happen, but do you really want to find out?

good luck to you.

SF69

KickIt, have you thought about getting outside help with it, whether it's AA or another program? For me, this is the first time I've tried not doing it alone (using AA and here), and it's been much more successful and a little easier this time.

CarolD

I'm an alcoholic who has recovered
using God and AA.

God gives me serenity
AA gives me a way o stay sober.

Kickit

Yep, you are right 29a, all of you are. I know that I am an alcoholic, every time I decide to stop, many times, I admit this. I know that 'normal drinkers' don't have the issues I have. I agree, know full well deep down, that I have no control over alcohol, guess I just don't want it to be so. I have lost friends and alienated family members in the past, I nearly lost my relationship. I have even turned a friend's wedding down because I am scared that I will drink too much and show myself up/do something awful! (its from 4pm straight to 2am) -guess what that was BEFORE I decided to get sober again, how telling is that - OF COURSE I know I am an alcoholic!!

I came back determined to do it this time - yet day 2 and that voice was coming at me!! It didn't help that some old friends came round on day 2, we didn't drink and it was great to see them, but we are now visiting them for an overnight stay, usually drink would be involved and so I was thinking, 'well I will drink then, how can I go and have a good time without it?!!..' CRAZY!! Well that's a few weeks away (4 nearly) so lets leave that there for now.

I tried AA and SMART, neither gelled for me, and I did manage a two month sober period on my own. I am seeking another recovery programme, although I am open to the fact that AA and SMART may not have worked because I wasn't ready. I am also having cognitive behaviour therapy, just started, I said to my therapist that I would deal with my drinking for the time being as 'a by product' although I really thought I was an alcoholic.....just one more attempt to put it off and continue drinking! When I go next week I intend to ask that we look at me getting sober as well as the (many) other issues - to be honest how can I benefit properly from CBT if my mind is coping with alcohol abuse, even if that's not on a daily basis. Already I can see that the actions we agree are adversely affected by the days I am so hungover I can't actually do anything!

On a positive note, got through day 3, better than day 2. Going to bed and its day 4 tomorrow! Thanks for the support and advice.