Lauriejess

Good Morning:

I have a 39 year old sister who is an alcoholic. Long story short, she just came out of a safe house last weekend. She had 3 kids 14, 4, and 9 mos. The 14 year old lives with our mother, the two younger ones live with a foster family. The baby was taken out of the hospital at birth and placed in the foster home. So my sister gets an apt. with assistance from vaious programs she is involved with and moves in last weekend. A Christian organization helps her out by practically furnishing the whole place. I can't begin to tell you how many residences this makes that she has had to start over from scratch. Anyway she did not drink about 2-3 mos. I'm not sure exactly how long. She goes to all sorts of group meetings and counseling. So my mother calls me last night tells me to call her because she suspects my sister is drunk. So I did, sure enough she was. We had a bit of a spat. She told me the reason she was drunk was she was all alone in this new house. Yeah right. I told her I did not know how she could kick all these folks who have helped her in the mouth, including myself who does visits for her with her kids every other Sunday. My dilemma is this, my mother wanted me to confirm whether or not she was drunk. My sister told me on the phone if I tell my mother she was drunk she will eff me up. My mother is about to pay a $300 cable bill for her so she can hook up cable in her new place. M sister said on the phone "she has a $300 cable bill riding on this and that is why she would eff me up if I told my mother she was drunk. I just told my mother she didn't answer her phone so I did not know if she was drunk.

I am disappointed my sister once again has failed in her sobriety attempts. It seems nothing can get her straight.

Anyway, I'm just annoyed at the whole mess and don't know if I did the right thing about telling my mother she didn't answer the phone??

Laurie

Ann

Welcome Laurie, glad you joined us. You've come to a good place where we all have been where you are.

I am wondering why you felt a need to cover for her, and I'm asking as someone who covered for my addict son for far to long. What I learned was that being truthful was always the best thing for me, anything less than that drew me into the drama of addiction. I didn't go out of my way to tell anyone who would listen all about my son, but if asked I told the truth. In a situation where I wasn't prepared to discuss it with someone, I simply answered "I don't feel comfortable talking about it right now". But I stopped the deception and lies.

Sadly, your sister won't be ready to try sobriety again until her life as an alcoholic becomes unlivable. If she has been to group meetings and counseling then she knows what she "should" do, but her addiction is steering her toward bad choices and all the love in the world won't stop her. Only she can do that when she is ready.

What helped me regain my balance and learn to live life well, regardless of how my son's addiction was going, was to go to lots of meetings, finding a sponsor and learning to work 12 steps that saved my life...literally.

If there are any Alanon, Naranon or CoDA meetings near you, why not go and give them a try. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Your mom might want to go with you, they'd help her too, but if she doesn't it's still well worth the visit.

I'm sorry for your pain, I know how heartbreaking it is to watch someone we love destroy themselves. My prayers go out for you and your family.

Hugs