Frustrated

Old 02-14-2008, 07:35 PM
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Unhappy Frustrated

So I joined this group on Saturday night after another one of my "last straws" sigh.

On Sunday my husband and I had this AMAZING talk. Best ever. We talked about everything. He even broke down and told me how he felt and ACTUALLY admitted to having a problem. Told me he hated it, felt like 2 people and wanted help. I thought, awesome! I mean admitting it is the first step right? So I told him that I would totally support him and be there for him to quit. He was worried about me but I told him that I found this amazing support group online and that I would rather be hurting and stressed getting him better then hurting and stressed about his drinking. He even helped me dump all his beer down the sink (about 9 beers). I was so proud.

He walked in the house yesterday with his usual 8 pack he buys when he works the late shift (this is drank in about 2.5 hours) and I just looked at him. He said "what?" I told him that I thought we agreed on the problem and agreed that you don't know how to have one or 2 beers. As much as you think you can you can't. So he said fine I won't drink it. Actually left it there, he ate his dinner and then we went to bed.

Guess what he is drinking tonight. It's almost 11pm, he still hasn't eaten his dinner cause you know drinking all the beer out is more important right?
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Old 02-14-2008, 08:22 PM
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We are filled with good intentions till you add alcohol.
Till he is ready to seek answers and find solutions...

You need take care of you.

He may be at the first step but the next step can come in the morning or never come at all....Doing something about it.
Till he is ready... Take care of you.
His issues...He needs find his own answers. You can point him in the right direction such as AA but only he can put his feet in motion to get there.
Till then...take care of you.
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Old 02-14-2008, 08:44 PM
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Originally Posted by kraze3 View Post
I mean admitting it is the first step right?
Step 1: Admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that life had become unmanageable.

Taking the first step is not the same as admitting I have a problem; it's bigger than that.

JMHO
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Old 02-14-2008, 08:57 PM
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i couldn't begin to tell you how many of those talks my ex and i had. night after night, it would be the same conversation. it even still happens from time to time, but i've learned not to put all my eggs in one basket. actions speak louder than words... and his actions are doing a lot of talking right now.
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Old 02-14-2008, 09:33 PM
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My AH said many times that he had a problem and was going to do something about it. But by the next day, he felt differently. Each time, I would get so excited that he had finally seen the light, only to be disappointed again and again. Sometimes I wonder if they aren't comfortable in their addiction. The prospect of never drinking again seemed to terrify him. I finally accepted Step One, and sought help for myself.
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Old 02-14-2008, 09:59 PM
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My AH said many times that he had a problem and was going to do something about it. But by the next day, he felt differently. Each time, I would get so excited that he had finally seen the light, only to be disappointed again and again. Sometimes I wonder if they aren't comfortable in their addiction. The prospect of never drinking again seemed to terrify him. I finally accepted Step One, and sought help for myself.
Same as me.....conversation after conversation....good deep in the soul kind of talks. Went to bed happy would maybe have one or two days of happiness and thinking that THIS is finally it but of course I was wrong for the 200th time again. Duh....he is not going to be able to do this on his own unless he seeks help from AA or seeks some type of treatment and Really has hit his rock bottom.
He is not ready to do this.....told me it the other day....so I am walking away. Very hard to do but it has to be done.
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Old 02-15-2008, 01:31 PM
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Once my xab started this "ive got a problem and want your help" chat i' d change the subject fast. I got sooo bored of the same thing. He is saying it just to keep you hanging on that little bit longer.

Mair
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Old 02-15-2008, 02:21 PM
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Kraze3, I can relate to your frustration, and I know how it feels to hear an A say they realize they have a problem. You get filled with this great sense of relief & hope, but unfortunately it does not last for long (24 hours?).

I bet you couldn't believe your eyes when he came home with more alcohol! This disease is so awful.

I've been in this vicious cycle for well over 14 yrs. now, and I have learned not to have hope, but to let his actions speak. And his actions always say they want more alcohol. The A's/disease is so darn stubborn!

I am attending Alanon mtgs., as well as seeing a counselor, and have found them both very helpful. Also been reading One Day at a Time in Alanon, which you may find helpful.

Keep us posted and please take care of yourself,

Shivaya
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Old 02-16-2008, 11:36 AM
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Require that he get into treatment - inpatient or outpatient - call your insurance mental health line and they will fax you a list of all the places in your area. It's not just a matter of him wanting to do it and you wanting him to. It's much much harder than that. All my good intentions, all my shame and remorse were absolutely no match for the call of alcohol every single day. Alcohol will kick his butt again and again and again no matter what he does and says unless he gets into a serious treatment program or committs to going to 3 AA mtgs a day. I'm sorry but that's what I found out. I wanted to quit. I knew I couldn't. I tried and tried. I felt like an ass. It didn't matter. I drank. And then I got treatment. And I am now sober for 2 weeks. Not very long but each day seems like a miracle to me. Good luck.
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