justjo

Here I was thinking, I understand all of this and I know the answers. (A real smart pants). I havent seen my sis for months as I basically decided to give it a rest. I called her and we made arrangements for me to take lunch and see her at home. When I got there, her new boyfriend was there.
Here I was thinking, Looser, con artist, where does she pick these guys up from (the rest I cant tell you).
I was angry at him because I wanted alone time with her and I had been judging a guy I hadnt even met for months, and even after I did.
The next morning I realized, who do I think I am. I dont know his real reasons and I do know she is just probably using him. I think its good that I know this is not my life or business, its theres. I just keep wanting to protect her and I need to stop.
Anyone else experienced this?

Mair

Justjo ((())) you are human. Your looking out for your Sis, i do the same with mine dont be so hard with yourself.

"The next morning I realized, who do I think I am. I dont know his real reasons and I do know she is just probably using him."

This statement is proof that you are in control of your codependancy

Mair xx

denny57

Lose the shame, justjo, lose the shame!

I had become so judgmental while trying to deal with someone else's addiction all on my own. It was anger, frustration, feelings of inadequacy, etc., that drove it. As I've worked on my own "stuff," most of the need to judge has disappeared.

Hang in there!!!

Daisy30

We are not perfect. We make mistakes. Good for you for recognizing your mistake! and continuing your recovery:-)

justjo

I am getting so much better accepting her situation. I guess sometimes its hard as I feel I have lost the sister I had. I know she is still there. I knew this when we had a joke and she smiled. It brings tears to my eyes picturing her so vulnerable, sick, weak, alone and afraid. Thats when the big sis (me) wants to rescue her but I cant can I? This is the one thing I need to work on alot, feeling selfish, protective because all I want is her back the way she was. You know?

cagefree

I find it so ironic when I hear "I wish they could return to the person they were" while we never want to go back to the way we were...one of life's little tickles I guess

I like how you cognitively process your behaviour JustJo - getting at the why's behind why I acted the way I did and felt the things I did (anger, resentment, etc.) really helped me. Kudos to you.

LucyA

I know exactly what you mean by this, the only difference is mine is my baby brother. I've accepted though he'll never be the way he was, and thats good, because he must have always had this sickness festering away inside him, but I'd like him back with us healthy and well. Maybe.......someday......maybe he'll want it too. Hugs to you justjo.

justjo

Its funny. Sometimes I reply and start typing a post. I spill my guts and work it through and then I realize Im talking to myself and no ones gonna be interested anyway.
Then I delete it all and move on. Good therapy I guess (LOL) Do you ever do that?

cagefree

All the time - except I don't delete it...I close my journal and go to sleep

((((justjo))))

Mr. Christian

There comes a time when you, as I did, must realize that people will do whatever they want.

In the case of some people they keep making the wrong choices, but that’s ok.
It’s THEIR life.


Not everyone is strong.

Not everyone is smart.

Not everyone was meant to be.

Again it’s their life to live, to mess up, to fall short.

Oh, by the way , they will.


You on the other hand have a choice.
You can waste your years beating a dead horse, or you can have fun with your life.


What happens will happen.

Rella927

Love that cage!

Just

It is hard to see what we see and feel so helpless with those we love-

I did not talk to my sister for 3 years because after trying so hard it was not doing me any good-I had to let her go. She came back on her own when she was ready and "fixed".... Now today we are just as close if not closer than we ever have been. And I'm a better stronger person and do not try to "fix" everytime she has a problem-because they are her's to fix, I have my own! Recovery taught me that!

So as cage said open the journal then close it and go to sleep Zzzzzzz

justjo

I love that too Cage! Thanks! Thats great. And I hope that happens for me Rella and wise words Mr C (again) thanks.