TDinATL

Hi All,

My wife left me a week ago because I am such a jerk and abusive. No matter she's had a drinking problem for 10 years - it's my issue.

Has anyone else every just felt 'tired'? I'm not really depressed, mad, or any of that right now - I just feel really tired.

I'm still not ready to let go all the way, I just realized this week that my wife's drinking is a serious problem. I still love her and believe in the power of God and miraculous healing. I'm sure others have been there as well.

I am dedicated to my wife. If she were to admit she had a problem and seek help I'd stand by her side, but she'd have to make a continued effort to recover.

One thing I noticed, I thought it was just me, so many people mention the roller coaster ride. It's helped a lot to see others share many of the exact same things I've gone through or am going through now.

Does anyone have a success story to share? It's unfortunate that I haven't seen one as of yet.

Thanks!

Lilyflower

Yep, lots. Its hard work carrying around all those feelings and anger. Anger is a strange one for me, I don't get mad and shout all of the time I feel anger, sometimes I just get 'tired', fed up and lethargic, I sit and stare into space for hours! Maybe you are just processing your hurt in this way?

There are plenty of success stories on this board. Plenty of those who have saved themselves and are living their life to the full, and thats recovering A's and non A's!!!! You'll find alot of people who post here have come through the other side. It is not impossible. Personally, I'm still working on my success story. Are you working on yours or just waiting for your A to work it for you?

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Daisy30

It is a rollcoaster ride....until you decide to get off and get your self help.

I can't tell you what a blessing this site is.

I never knew I was sick too until I started getting well. I am just now realizing how sick I really am.

I would suggest start to do some reading (try some of the suggested books in the sticky post rec. reading) It helped me a lot to begin to see what was truely going on in my relationship;-)

TDinATL

Lily, well put. I think a little of both. I'm a lot stronger after counseling and soul-searching for a lot of 2007. But, when my wife and I got back togther in October I thought we'd 'made it'. I still have a BIG part of me praying for her and believing she will see the truth soon but I'm trying not to live my life with that assumption.

I guess I need to look more for the success stories, sometimes you need to hear that side as well. Also still trying to learn exactly what success is with this crazy disease - I know things are not always as we define them.

Lilyflower

You've hit the nail on the head here. Many here have talked about loving from a distance, simply meaning that we want the best for them, and hope they get well but we must come first. I really do believe now that I am incapable of loving anyone until I can truely say I love myself. I am still with my abf and I love him, but I know that my focus has to remain on me, I have so many issues that I cannot really be there for him right now. I am learning that that is not selfish but necessary for my future happiness.

Success is in the eye of the beholder. Its different for everyone and depends on what you want. But if your looking for a load of people who have faced their demons and are working on themselves with an objective to be a happier healthier person, then theres loads of success here. Heck, I'm a success compared to how I was 5 or 6 months ago!!! Also I think that when we are feeling low generally, we see the world through 'low' spectacles. Ever noticed that when your feeling great, nothing seems to phase you, but when your down the whole world is out to get you? Again, it all perception, the mind is a powerful manipulating tool, which I am currently attempting to understand and master, rather than it mastering me!

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxx

Zak68

Tired? You betcha. Right now I am emotionally exhausted after the last 5 years of dealing with this.

Right now I am planning ahead for the next few months. Getting my life in order and preparing to move on with my life minus my AW. I think it will only get worse and once I finally tell her it's over I pray for the emotional release to just relax and realize my kids and I no longer have to deal with this.

I am a pretty easy going person by nature and confrontation on this level is completely opposite of my normal life. Then again as the saying goes, "That which doesn't kill us only serves to make us stronger". I am trying to look back, find peace that I did all I could, offered the support a loving husband should offer and realize I didn't push myself to this point in my life and I did what I could to save the love that once was.

Once it is all said and done I will post a happiness thread. I think we need more to show that the pain goes away and those who had to make the hard choice to leave their loved one live, prosper and enjoy the life they have now that the A is out of their life. =)

Pick-a-name

Same with me. I don't think I have had the energy to feel really angry for a long,long time but I do get spurts of what I guess I would call rage,from time to time. (I'm told it's a good thing.)

I think,like all of this,it is a process.

It is reassuring to know I am in good company.

Mair

"I guess I need to look more for the success stories, sometimes you need to hear that side as well. Also still trying to learn exactly what success is with this crazy disease - I know things are not always as we define them."


My success story is finding ME. I am no longer Crazy.

justjo

Success is a life journey and one we all work on I guess. My son is working on a new life right now. For the addict and us too, I think little steps and attitude go along way. We cant predict the future but I am sure there are many successful stories out there.

hope2bhappy

"Success" can really only be measured one day at a time -- not as "happily ever after." My AH is a success... at least for today.

FormerDoormat

It's interesting to see folks responding to the question about success stories in terms of their alcoholic loved one's recovery. My success story has nothing to do with my late alcoholic partner.

denny57

It is true for me, too. My own recovery is my greatest success. The recovering me has grown into a woman who knows she deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. The "new" me would not even consider being with someone like AH, sober or not.

shakarris

I was thinking just the same thing FD and denny - I see success here everyday.
The posts where one has learned to not respond to quacking, got a new job, new apartment -moving on in a positve manner with thier own life and not having to worry about the A whether living with them or not.

The strength that people gain here daily, with the knowledge that those of us, just new to all this are going to come out of this bumped and bruised a little maybe .. but we will be just fine - no better than fine we will ROCK just like those of you who have made it off the ride

shakarris