My meltdown today....
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
My meltdown today....
Sorry this is kind of long-I do not have many days like this and just needed to let this all out!
We are allowed days like this...On my way to work this morning-I stopped to get coffee and I bumped into my husband's cousin. My husband passed away many years ago-for those of you who do not know-he was the love of my life-my soul mate-we met in middle school-we got married at a very young age because of our Alcoholic homes- We knew we would marry eventually but with my family moving off to Florida we decided it was time-We started our life together with our new home, new dog and just so much love for one another-We helped each other through our awful childhood's and began to become much happier, healthier individuals. Sadly my entire life I felt at the time had been taken away in an instant-My husband was killed on the job due to neglect of the conditions in the shop (It was a family owned business) only 3 months after our wedding-we still did not unpack everything yet in our new home... anyway-it was then I began on my roller coaster or rather back on the rollercoaster of my life-"I was not good enough" "I did not deserve this or that" it started in my dating many different A's, loosing friends, loosing myself-all over again.
Today I'm grateful for recovery as I was able to handle this situation this morning with a smile!
When I walked into the coffee place this morning there was my husband's cousin-Holding the door for me-he has turned out the spitting image of my husband-Gorgeous, tall, dark and just an amazing kind gentle soul. He said "Hi! How are you?" I said good and proceeded to walk into the store. It is a long story but, my husband's father left me in debt and a lot of it due to hospital bills, not having insurance etc....but he made it look to the family that I came after him for millions! Which was not the truth-anyway-that is done but, it is so sad to see some of his family every now and again and know that they do not know the entire truth-but, this morning it was not about that it was about looking into his cousin's eyes and seeing him and just missing my husband so much!
Thanks guys sorry this is so long.....
We are allowed days like this...On my way to work this morning-I stopped to get coffee and I bumped into my husband's cousin. My husband passed away many years ago-for those of you who do not know-he was the love of my life-my soul mate-we met in middle school-we got married at a very young age because of our Alcoholic homes- We knew we would marry eventually but with my family moving off to Florida we decided it was time-We started our life together with our new home, new dog and just so much love for one another-We helped each other through our awful childhood's and began to become much happier, healthier individuals. Sadly my entire life I felt at the time had been taken away in an instant-My husband was killed on the job due to neglect of the conditions in the shop (It was a family owned business) only 3 months after our wedding-we still did not unpack everything yet in our new home... anyway-it was then I began on my roller coaster or rather back on the rollercoaster of my life-"I was not good enough" "I did not deserve this or that" it started in my dating many different A's, loosing friends, loosing myself-all over again.
Today I'm grateful for recovery as I was able to handle this situation this morning with a smile!
When I walked into the coffee place this morning there was my husband's cousin-Holding the door for me-he has turned out the spitting image of my husband-Gorgeous, tall, dark and just an amazing kind gentle soul. He said "Hi! How are you?" I said good and proceeded to walk into the store. It is a long story but, my husband's father left me in debt and a lot of it due to hospital bills, not having insurance etc....but he made it look to the family that I came after him for millions! Which was not the truth-anyway-that is done but, it is so sad to see some of his family every now and again and know that they do not know the entire truth-but, this morning it was not about that it was about looking into his cousin's eyes and seeing him and just missing my husband so much!
Thanks guys sorry this is so long.....
Recovering Codependant
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Liverpool, Great Britain
Posts: 1,335
Hugs to you (((((((((Rella))))))))). I guess the pain of a loss never truely goes away. I don't know what to say, I just wanted to let you know that I feel for you. I hope you feel better.
Lots of love
Lily xxxxxxxxx
Lots of love
Lily xxxxxxxxx
my good friend!
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Originally Posted by Lilyflower 
I guess the pain of a loss never truely goes away.
Thank you all so much...
Lily the pain does go away-it is just when moments arise that are beyond our control when it can hit you pretty hard-
I have my hubby placed in a corner of my heart that no one can touch-but, it also does not prevent me from moving on with my life today-it is what he would have wanted-I'm grateful for recovery for days like this ...they do pass.
Thanks SR
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
(((Rella))) - you have handled this family situation with dignity. I know it sounds trite, but in the end you will be vindicated. Justice in this world is frequently nowhere to be found, but you just keep holding your head high. People worth their salt will see you as a person of integrity ... and THAT is what counts.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
Posts: 20
Rella ... I know what it's like to lose someone and then see a relative that looks just like them. My brother passed away when he was 19 and my youngest sister was only 9 at the time. The older she got though the more she looked like him. Sometimes I look at her and feel a great loss for my brother and yet, still, there is a joy in seeing him in her. I'm sure today would have brought about mixed feelings for you and I hope that at the end of the day, despite the painful memories of how his family treated you, that you could be also reminded of the love that you and your husband shared. ((((hugs to you )))
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