NEED A CUDDLE

Hello, how sad do i sound, in need of friends but thats how i feel at mo. my husband is an alcoholic and its tearing us apart and i dont know anyone else in this situation. Weve been together 3 years and only got married in september so i should be still in the honeymoon stage. hes always been a heavy drinker but i noticed about 6 months ago he was drinking lot more than usual, and when we got back from getting married he was really ill and found out that he had a really swollen liver (through drink not been married to me) he started with agrophobia and wouldnt leave the house (doesnt go to pub anymore at least) but has bad sweats and the shakes have got so bad at the moment he couldnt even light his cigarette the other day, hes had so much time off work and is going to end up being sacked soon. ive tried everything i could possibly think of to help him but to no avail, im just completely lost now as to what to do, ive asked him to leave but he wont, im just at the end of my tether basically.

Chrysalis123

I'm so sorry you are going through this. You have found a wonderful site with many people that have been in your shoes. They'll be along shortly. I just wanted to welcome you and tell you you are not alone any more.

Ps Read the stickies at the top of the page!

NYC_Chick

Hi, Sorry you are dealing with all of this. We all understand. I wasn't married, but in the same place as you. There is hope! Keep reading the other posts. They really helped me and made me feel supported, even just a week after finding the site.

Growing

You are in the right place...glad you found us and welcome!

Just you relax...do some nice things for yourself...keep reading here and posting...we are your new friends.

Work on getting stronger...you can do this.

(((hugs)))

hope2bhappy

My AH would sweat and get the shakes whenever he didn't have a drink. He would become violently ill without alcohol. When they reach this point, the alcohol is necessary in order for them to function. His only way out of this is with medically supervised detox. Is there any chance of convincing him of this?

If not, then you may just have to let the chips fall where they may, so to speak. He might lose his job and/or end up in the hospital. If he won't accept help, there is nothing you can do. Seek out and attend some Alanon meetings. You will find many "friends" there. You might even recognize some of them. You'd be surprised how many people are in your same situation, but just never say anything about it.

NEED A CUDDLE

Thanks guys, really appreciate it. we ended up fighting again last nite which ended up him lashing out, not badly but its not the first time. he said he cant go see a councellor as they are only for people on the brink, wot a joke, he still doesnt understand HE IS. we had a really good chat after he apologised so hopefully he might av realised he needs help now or else hes going to loose everything and everyone. will keep u posted. just want to say i cant believe its taken me this long to find a site with people who totally understand what im going through. x christine x

Rella927

Welcome to SR NeedACuddle! So glad that you found us! There is a lot of support here, and we are lilke family!

I'm sorry that you are struggling right now....have you thought about going to at least one Al-Anon meeting? It helped me to see what I was doing to contribute to my situation and what I was doing to myself.

We cannot fix them and by getting on their backs and jumping on them it will only make the situation that is hard enough to handle more unbearable! It is not worth the wasted energy.

I use to say this to everyone "he lashed out at me but, it was not that bad" but what the truth of the matter is that it should not happen at all and it will only get worse! It did with me-I kept sticking up for him because I had that feeling inside that he was going to change-and stop drinking-nope.....the lashing out is only a small part of what happens. I know in my situation he became violent physically and I never in a million years would have thought he would have.

Keep posting and check out some of the stickies at the top of the forum! They are a great resource...and there is a great bunch of books out there too!

shakarris

needacuddle - welcome to the family:ghug Sorry you find yourself here but you found a great place to help you start to heal

please keep reading and posting - you will find much hope and strength here. The one thing I can tell you from my situartion is that when i started to not engage him in conversation tha i knew would end up with him frakin out - did I start to feel in control. I just walk away.. I have had a few slips but |I am learning...

Alanon, SR and some great books will help you to start to focus on you not him or his disease... and see that this is his thing to deal with. There is zero you can do to help him, stop him or make him see the light so to speak.

Again welcome, stick around this is a great place

shakarris

Lilyflower

Hi there need a cuddle, I know exactly how you feel abvout needing a friend because I felt that way when I came here in October. i think we all felt that way. This disease has a way of alienating us, because we feel embarrassed, or that we believe people would just not understand why we are still there. I know I felt that my friends and family would think poorly of me and tell me to just leave and that wasn't what I wanted to hear. After a while of posting here and focusing on ME, I began to open up to people about the truth of my home life and I have found so many people who are living with the same problem or who grew up in an alcoholic household. It was such a relief to know that I wasn't alone. As said already, you will find alot of people you know have a connection to this disease somehow.

Your alcoholic husband (AH) sounds as though he is suffering from his continued abuse of alcohol. As terrible as this is for him and you, you cannot help him. It is so hard to comprehend that, but it is so true. By forcing them to 'see the light' all we do is label ourselves as a nag, and in actuality we enable them to carry on. Leave him to his fall. It maybe just what he needs to wake him up. Right now, its important to begin healing yourself, set some boundaries on his behaviour and your finances (esp if he is threatened with job loss) you should not suffer because of his poor choices.

I am so glad you have found this site. It really is the best place to be, now and in the future for YOURSELF. Please read the stickies (at the top of any of SR forums) and keep posting your thoughts and feelings here. There are so many people here who are living through this too, and those who have come through the other side.

As for now remember the three C's, you didn't cause it, you cannot control it and you cannot cure it.

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxx

PS here is your hug ((((((((((((Christine))))))))))))

denny57

I came to understand that it was I who was on the brink. I got myself some help.

Welcome to SR!

Mair

Welcome to the family (((())))) my only advice at this time is to learn about alcoholism "under the influence" i got it from amazon brilliant, "codependant no more" both will help YOU. And of course reading the posts here are sooooo amazing.

Mair xx